afraid

Its official MG I am afraid. I am afraid of so many things. The day the people their expectations, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I am running my head mad with worry. Tbc

XXXX - out of respect to vous..

F..

hold hold hold

MG i think am having anotehr episode of highs and lows..
i am unsually stressed and i am sad at the news i am getting
I am unsettled with work and its many changes

but i turn to thee and only thee to lift me out..
i think my hormones are running amock again,

But i hold on to thee MG king,
Let me no alonem lest i go astray

Divorce and Marriage

today i got some news which shocked me to the core.
someone i had the lovely pleasure of knowing anounced that she had divorced her husband.

this upset me because, i look up to this lovely woman, as an embodiment of womanhood, she is lovely, well spoken, her mannerisms gentle and aboove all she speaks with conviction and is not afraid to state things as she sees it.. i feel she tries to be fair in all situation and considers both sides then makes her mind on her decisions...

it seems her husband as he did not believe the same as her..( my views entirely)

when i read the email i was shocked, and the first thought to mind was - do not break up existing mariages...

this is an unclear area... but on a one scale i undestand that if you meet someone and you have been married and somewhere along the line one of you finds a path that is different, that does not necessarily mean that you have to split with the person does it? because the marriage has already started before finding the path, i guess its compromise and tolerance that has to be worked out btw both parties.. look at Pharoahs wife fo instance - "Create for me a place with you in paradise" my version but the correct reference is 66:11 - her husband was a disbeliever but pharoahs wife i reckon was not..
God knows everything, but i am sad anyways.. and i though all that worry and contemplation she must have been going through, God knows what is best i know for sure nd God willing everything will be ok

this is a tricky situation that needs careful analysis... marriage by any means is not to be taken lightly and with the same respect divorce is not to be taken lightly as well..

then i look at myself and my situation and i go, if my closest and dearest cant make it work, will i too.. God knows the future but i seeks Gods protection, guidance, direction and inspiration to help me the best that i can be, for us to be the best that we can be, in service to God alone..

good good good

Lord you've been so good
You've been so good to me
I 'm so grateful for all of my blessings
giving you all the Praise
LORD YOU'VE BEEN SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
YOU'VE BEEEEEN SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOD TO MEEEEEEEEEEE
i'M SO GRATEFUL FOR MY BLESSINGS GIGING YOU ALL THE PRAISE.

i just read/glanced at something - as a man thinketh - very interesting....

God guide me in your path, help me to understand, inspire me, assist me, support me and dirct me in thy worship..

hmmmm
yes God is good.. like is never difficult except we that seek to make it difficult...

this was my feeling in june 2009 and i am sad to say i feel the same and its getting more compllicated

There needs to be a clear distinction btw an organisationwhich is set up for charity purposes and any willy nilly company that just feels like giving.
What is wrong with people..
It is rather annoying...!!
why cant there be one orphan charity why do they have to be millions?
why cant there be one poor charity, why do they have to be millions.
People are sooooooooooooo bloody SELFISH... Gaining Money!!! thats what it is...

they make up charities only to advance people from their own faith, culture or community.. what about everyone else..
Go to CAF donations and you will see?
charity should be given regardless of faith or advancing faith.. afterall it is one God that created us... wether we want to accept that fact or not.. that is the truth.. its just our accounts of this one God that differs... but should that be a barrier in our wanting to help other people?

jews only give to jews, muslims to muslims, christians to christians, orisha to orisha and so on and so forth.. even the neediest of people will be missing out if thay are not of the same faith as the organisation giving... hmmmm makes me wonder

Are we not one race!! white black yellow, bleached, stoned, crazy? one people! one community?
so its a case of one has to choose where ones money is going to?
why is this the case?

charity by my understanding is charity, giving and not expecting to recieving.. but what we find are most charitable organisation set up as global business, with shares, investments, all going to the people who set them up..
imagine what the director or oxfam, christian aid, islamic relief excetera excetera are all making per annum.

why cant they all join together and help the world... but NOO!! they have to brand themselves up with fancy names, title, bla bla, when the people who need our assistance are still suffering..
It is ojukokoro ( envy, greed) because all want their own share of cake, their own fancy wages and their own responsibilities.. ....Weilding Power!!!.. thats what it is...

should you be expecting to get paid for charity works or assistances offered i.e like of balancing account, managine resources etc..

this world has gone to POTTS.. blackened BOTTOm Potts!!

where is giving cos of giving.. Giving blind regardless of religion/culture..
if we dont start to change, then we seek to increasingly alienate each other.. this is how religious/cultural animosity starts...

we need to do something about it..

the way i see it if i give £10 about 6 pounds is going on admin charges, like wages and stationary..
and £4 going to the people in need.. this is not fair... charity is for charity case..
i dont want to pay for anybodys wages.. where is doing good for goods sake.. we all want paid..etc should it not be extra time your own time, that you devote to it

we really need to clean up the charity scene because it is a waste ground for bigotry and selfishness.

in anycase the human beingg is selfish by nature.. but there is hope that we can all rise above it..

i am still rather finding it difficult again, as i am stuck with the giving aspects, but i reckon gw we will find a way round it...

God is the best provider.

CHARITY....

for what ever reason a thought came into my mind this afternoon,
the obligatory charity Zakat - as mentioned in the Quran..
Sadaqat as mentioned in the Quran
and alms giving.. as mentioned in the Quran..

are they all the same ie refering to the same hting

or are they different..

the most notable thing is Zakat - this takes a prominent position of one of the things that is required of us all, apart from belief and Salat..

so is Zakat different to sadaqat? and is this different to alms giving..

this is the thought on my mind at the moment,
i tried to find some stuff on charity in the old testament but i really did nto come up with anything tangible..

and i am rather curious to find out..

the verses of contention are thus i am using RK translation..

2:215
They ask you about giving: say, "The charity you give shall go to the parents, the relatives, the orphans, the poor, and the traveling alien." Any good you do, GOD is fully aware thereof.

2:219
They ask you about intoxicants and gambling: say, "In them there is a gross sin, and some benefits for the people. But their sinfulness far outweighs their benefit." They also ask you what to give to charity: say, "The excess." GOD thus clarifies the revelations for you, that you may reflect.

2:267
O you who believe, you shall give to charity from the good things you earn, and from what we have produced for you from the earth. Do not pick out the bad therein to give away, when you yourselves do not accept it unless your eyes are closed. You should know that GOD is Rich, Praiseworthy.

2:273
Charity shall go to the poor who are suffering in the cause of GOD, and cannot emigrate. The unaware may think that they are rich, due to their dignity. But you can recognize them by certain signs; they never beg from the people persistently. Whatever charity you give, GOD is fully aware thereof.


These are some of theverses...

a couple of things strike my mind now as i paste these verses,

one - Surah 2 is a very interesting Suran because it seemingly contains - instructions - the guide book to living, what to do, what not to do,, as is a couple of the surahs in the begining,
this i guess is the statute of the Quran - the laws of God..

two - there is a lot of interplay in the words used to describe "Zakat"( obligatory charity) and "sadaqat" ( charity) and "yunfiqun"/ "anfiqu" ( which is also translated as giving/charity but in some ways when reading the verses , i think an alternative may be "Spend") , and "anhar" in surah 108 which is translated as charity, and "maa'oon" - in surah 109 - which is translated as charity, and ( see surah 92: 5 or 92:18 - i am unclear is to which is the arabic reference to charity) . there others i guess

Note : it is very interesting when one looks at translations because ther are always so different and they seem to change the usage of the same words and interplay different words as the same word, i find it rathe rinteresting.. God is full of knowledge and knows the true meanings application and intent of every word, In God i trust to provide me with the best meaning for me and to inspire me to know my religion and faith, to keep me in His path and accept me as a submitting righteous servant of his,

three - in this very instant - i understand a bit wht - read from cover to cover - i am seeing things that i have read before but it didnt click in my head, but some things are coming to my mind now.. I will thank the Mg for this realisationa nd blessing and pray that He inspires me with his words to His path and His grace.

Tis life is interesting and it never ceases to amaze me... i have to read surah 2 again and i will yet again gw give my htought son it... hmmm it is very interesting indeed....

more stuff to ask to find out i guess..

May God guide us all and teach us the rites of our religion and may He accept us in his service and grant us his forgiveness.

le chantage

this is the new word in my dictionary
le chantage.. i can only describe it as "blackmail".

yes blackmail, pourquoi blackmail?

well becaue i had to shave my lovely legs.
I had denied myself the pleasure of shaving my legs, always wearing trousers and tights, delibrately avoiding to be caught in this female pruning and preening thing...

but alas, it had to be done, no more fear of wearing skirts, no more, feeling of self consciousness at my unshaven legs, ( it will probably be replaced with a new self consciousness that i have man legs - unless i am wearing heels)

really, who ever invented shaving legs?

i am sure it was a woman with issues - because really, animals have hair, you dont see them shaving their hair?
men have hair you dont see them shaving their leg hairs? hm hm hm hm that is not a valid point, because i am not a man..

but really its tooo much hard work, shaving my legs... to much time wasted.... i could have cooked, read a book in the 5 mins it took me to apply the hair removal creme and lather it on my lovely legs and wait for the hairs to shrivle and die like a wilting flower...

yes my lovely hair on my legs wilted, i felt sorry for them..
i had kept them on over a year, i just refsed to shave them, because i could not be bothered with all this image of feminism that the media wants to shove down our throats.

who says that a wman with hair on her legs cannot be attractive or sexy , ( well if she is fully clothed, she is automatically attractive but its when she takes the clothes off that ehm ehm ehm, there may be some issues there) but really as long as the hair are not overly visible with brillo pad texture, does it really matter?

i am sad for the loss of my hair, but i must admit, i is one skexky legged babe...
so, skirts are back on the menu now... so is going swimming and going to the sauna...

to all those sisters who have not succumbed yes to the image machinery of what a woman ismeant to be like, - hold on strong..

yipee

yo uknow what MG,
i just rememered..
was it not I that asked you that i was worried i had lost a particular feelinbg inside me and i was looking for it..
this feeling is what i call sincerity.. i was worried that iw as forgetting you and i was not doing things as i should have been doing.. and i asked that please dont let me forget you....

with the recent turn of events, i am drawn closer to you again, and it warms my heart and i am grateful..

yesterday i had the opportunity of glancing through what i have written for some time and there was an article that help me to refocus my thoughts..

so it is a thank you today yet again after much reflection and thought..

so today the tension was a lot, and it was interesting thought but i went to teh gym and i am much much better..
yipeeeeeee

there is a fine line btw

i
i have long avoided this , kept it from my mind and today i dont know what brought it back to my head..
actually i do...
it is back in my mind because the feeling and my responses are going out of control, i need to get a grip and get it in line...
i need to learn how to control it, when to turn it on and when to turn it off..

i was afraid that i had lost it,
i thought that it was a fluke because i was so much into it that i refused to let myself go and i thought i dont know how, my responses were telling me differently but my mind was saying something else......
bbut i reckon i have not, but also i have to re-learn me, relearn how to respond , re learn how to
all i could think in my head is that i want you to
but that is no consolation...

it started off with, i used to be able to do this and i would feel it, and why dont i feel it, and i started to see what else i have forgotten...

hmm,, this is another conversation for another time.....
MG, still i reach out to you, to help me, not to let me go, no matter what. to keep me close and to help me to understand it, to help me to get a grip,.. because i really need to get a grip...

i am afraid i will scare you, in some ways because when it takes over me i cant think of anything else, and i am not willling to do anyhting else but ..

now that its back, i need to learn to control when it comes and when it doesnt..
MG - i need help
dont let me go, no matter what, keep me tied to thee, no matter what let me seek refuge with thee forgive me, foregive me....

Cause as always

Tody Most Gracious, i have cause to thank thee again,
Everyday is a wonderous journey of discovery

i was driving aimlessly to window shop looking for something to inspire me..
and it was hot and sunny and i decided to play with the buttons inside tonto...

you know, i didnt even know that tonto had air conditioning with her, and today i found out..
So MG, to some it is insignificant but to me, it is a big big beal.. i am grateful and thankful for the blessing for the opportunity and for the fulfilment... Big Big Big thank you

Today i was captivated by the story of Joseph in the Quran.. indeed MG there is cause for thanks and praise always. Be thou glorified Lord of the Universe...

i rememvered surah Dhariyayat which is where Inna huwa razzaQul Quwatil- Matinu is.. and is also the same where, the famous verse that all muslims( generalisation here) wa ma Khalaqatu -ul jinn, wa-al insi illa li ya'budun.... they are close together as well...

MG everyday of my life is a cause for praise and thanks, It is a cause to glorify and exalt thee for the many blessings in my life that you have given me, for the mercy and care and assistance that you have been providing for me. gw it will always continue With your grace i will always be in your favour...

today also dear lord, i felt a feeling of arrogance and pride that i did not like, basically, i was proud of tonto, that i thought to opress people that i saw. now i understand Tonto is a blessing from thee, and this blessing i reckon should not be used to opress others, or should not make me feel superior or grander than others.. Dear God, i seek forgiveness from thee for that moment when i felt myself lifted due to sheer pride/arrogance and i ask that you protect me from such feelings and make me in all circumstances humble and appreciative of the lessings that you have bestowed on me.

to help others, to glorify thee, to praise thee, is what i want to use my blessings for.
MG i seek refuge with thee that such feelings of grandour and superiority stay away from me, I seek refuge with thee and ask that you keep me gentle, humble and appreciative of thee always...

today again MG, i have to thank thee for the show, i had gone to the shop before and i say this lovely shoe, i fell in love with it immediately, but i searched and csearched but my size was not there.. today as i journeyed to the shop, i said to thee that you are provider for me that i would like to see the shoe in my size there.. MG there is always cause to thank thee... always cause to be grateful to thee and this yet again is one of those times...
i saw the shoe, in my size, and in the two lovely colours that i fell in love with...
Mg, there is always cause to be grateful... Be thou Glorified MG Lord...

it is an interesting day today, and i am thankful and grateful

taking for granted

it is a general fact that the people you cherish the most are the ones you tend to take for granted...
it is like you have this feeling of safety and security of their affection, of their love, their support that you can rely on it in any circumstances..

however that support , the love needs to to be replenished, it needs touch up, it needs to be re- affirmed..

how is this done..

well one way is to remember to tell then you care for them, remember to appreciate them, remember to do the thing you used to do,

dont think that once you have got them, you can them dump them aside, and they will sit there and wait for you...

in as much as you have got them, they have got you too., remember to talk to them, to email them, to say that you love them, to make them laugh, to hold them close, to tickle them, to allow them to be themselves..

it is the simple things in life that matter, happiness, simplicity and love..

its not complicated to love me, i am just me, allow me to be me and my love will flourish, hold me and my love will grow, talk to me and my devotion is assured, Love God and I will love you more...
it is the simple things in life that are important, devotion to God, prayer, happiness, contentment, it is the simple things in life that makes a bond...

in the face of all adversity or prosperity, Dear Lord, keep me bound to thee always

today is a moaning day.. Forgive me dear Lord

MG i dont want to complain, but i want to moan..
i cant complain, and really in all honesty i cannot even moan, because in all fairness, you are more than good to me.. and what is this one difficulty if it is not but a test of strenght and my resolve..

for a long time in my life, i take others choices, i do what people want me to do, i dont do what i want to do... i do things because i dont want to upset people, iw ant people to like me, i want to be their friend... i want them to be my friend, i put myself in situations that i know i should not be in....

now i have a stake in what i want to do and they dont want me to do it..

first you brought me into the rift btw you made me forgoe what i wanted and made me involved... the person that was right to defend you refused to get involved, he left you alone, i feel you burdened me with the grief and pain... that which i was not able to deal with....

then it was my birthday - you wanted to do what you wanted - my plan was to spend the day in prayer, the night before in prayer to my God, i wanted isolation i wanted peace - but you wont hear anything of that, you just wanted to celebrate the day for me - even though i said i didnt want to... you absolved me of any cooking saying you would do the whole thing - but in reality i didnt want to share my day wth anyone other than my God, i wanted to dedicate the day in prayer to God..

now this - you are saying its is your day, it is not you day it is a day i will have dedicated to my God... is is not about you or your choices in life but about me, us, our choices, our struggles in life...

MG i am not a strong person, in any way at all, infact i am rather weak of mind, but i try to stay true to my heart and knowing that you will gw guide me and inspire me, i try to remain as much as i can true to you...

it is giving me stress and i dont like stress, i dont like hassle, i dont like worries... i fear i will run away and hide myself, becasue of all this grief..

for me it is grief, gried because, you want to hijack my day...
it is not particularly important for me that either one are there.
you have given consent - that is enough for me,
your choice in religion is not my choice, and how you worship is not how i worship. not that, that makes any difference to me, it does not, that is between you and your God as is mine btw me and my God..
there is only one God - so how it plays out only God knows.

i do not want to be in a position that i chooose one over another, to attend the day, if i cannot have them together doing as i would like to do it then i would rather not involve them in it..

this day is a day i want to dedicate to my God, it is a date that i have not been fussed on choosing, i have left it to God and a date has been picked...

left to me, there would only be three, tops 5 present - God, us, officiator and witness. and thats all..
i dont know how i want to explain that is is a day dedicated to God, it is a day i want to be full of praise and prayers, reflection and thought, a day to thank and praise the good lord for all his blessings in my life, to renew convenants with my God, to be close to God...
-

you say i am a fundamentalist - as i have different views from main stream islam - guaranteed if that is the label for me, then fair enuff - but i know how i want to have my day and it is a dream of mine... if i have it anyother way i wont be able to contend with it .....

many a times, in blind trust that you knew what was right , you made me do things i knew i didnt want to do, go places i didnt want to go, take things i didnt want to take... all because you were elder, but i knew and i didnt have a choice but to listen - but i did have a choice and i refused to listen to my heart and followed you instead....

now just because you want to have your way - you want me to hold off our plans...

did you wait with me, when my heart was torn out of me body... did you hold off your plans to wait with me... ?/????? you left becuse you had plans for yourself you left when you had to leave.. i was distraught, i was as low as i have never been low, part of it was you involving me in things that i was not meant to be involved in..... part of it was your imaginations and saying this, saying that....

i was not given anyone else but you, and i cherish you dearly, however as much as i love you, i have to follow my path and make my decisions, the time for me doing things your way is long gone, because ihave my mind and i pray to God for guidance and Gods guidance and direction is the only thing i need in my life....
i see you and i see your mistakes, i dont want to make the same kind of mistake, i dont want the same kind of life, i dont want games, i dont want emotional blackmail, i dont want mistrust, i dont want lies, and hypocrisy.. i dont want that

Mg these are the things i am running from, i dont want any of it...
i want truth, i want honesty, i want trust, i want peace and security in God,

MG that is my rant over for now.... as ever i am grateful for the opportunity to allow me to let this off my chest, I am grateful dear lord for all your blessings and all your mercies in life and i pray for your guidance and direction, protection and support, forgiveness, mercy, assistance and help daily and always, in this life and in the next.

God guide me in this my choice, you know what is best for me, you know my present.. I leave this matter in your hands an gw the best solution will happen.

on your marks, get set.... Ready. GO!!!!!!

MG, i went running, Glasgow 5k fun run.. i finished it in around 30 -35 mins... thats not bad really... i ran the whole course through and i didnt stop for a brake...

now i have gone to buy cake.. and i will sit down and eat this cake willing and gleefully..

but i will say MG thank you.... so now back to gym next week gw.

my legs are like jelly, but i reckon the cake is my meal for the day- i cant eat anything else...

ii have a headache, but all the same, well worth it... MG thanking you very much

Devinez Quoi!!!

today, I am going to talk to you... yes you !!!!! Qui? moi!! Qui, vous!!!

I have waited my whole life for you.. someone who loves God,wants to worship God, believes in God and trusts God.
I have prayed my hardest for you.. a submitter to God and God alone
I have cried my tears for you... a partner, a leader, a friend, a confident, someone I can laugh with, someone I can share my dreams with..... someone to hold, someone to love..
I have waited paitently for you..... I have longed and hoped and I have waited and waited...

Ultimately we both come from the same place, we want something different..
We want true devotion to God, trust and belief in the most High
We want to trust, we want to hold on to God alone, we want to worship, we want to exalt and magnify..

whilst on the face of it there may be differences, we speak different, we live differently, ultimately our hearts is the same. It is this shared goal that brings us together, that gw will keep us together.

I have cried for you, i have begged for you, - one who loves God, one who loves God with all his heart, one who will be true to God, who will set an example for me to follow.. One who says what he means and means what he says... i am not syaing you are perfect , i am not saying that you may not slip, but you know what is true and you remain true to God as much as you can, God willing

i pray that God guides us, protests us, forgives us our sins and accepts us in his service.
The love in our hearts may He let flourish and may He let it shine.
May God grant us patience for each other, understanding, support with God overlooking us both.

My prayer to God was, - God let me love him and let him love me, God let me have patience for him and let him have patience for me too, God help me to understand him and help him to understand me... God let me be responsive to him and let him be responsive to me too, God guide us, forgive us, make things easy for us, God protect us...

my heart is crying out tears of joy... i know not what tomorrow is, i know not what it will bring, but God willing it will brings happiness, God willing it will bring contentment, God willing it will bring success and affirmation each day in our choice to worship God...

I dont want much, i just want you to be true, to be loyal, to love me, to trust me, to support me ( in truth and rightful things only) as i want to be the same for you as well, I want you to worship with me, for us to praise God together...

sometimes i think - dear God i am asking for too much, i am asking for the unaskable, someome that loves thee eeply and someone that loves me too.. sometimes i think that it can never happen, sometimes i think that i am asking for a fantasy...

but i trust in my God, and i asked, i have begged and i have cried... and My God has given unto me .. i will open both my hands out wide and recieve that which the good lord has given me. for adetutu knows that which the good Lord does provide is the best for her.. surely she knows that is true....

tonight as i write to you to tell you how i feel.. i ask God also to support us, to assist us, to provide for us.. to strenghten our faith and to guide us in His path..

God knows what we dont know, He sees what we dont see, He understands that which we dont...

remember God is Razzaqul, Zul-Quwwat -il -Matinu.........

oh an di forgot to say... Guess what.....

birds are calling or are they?

This morning, Most Gracious, i woke up early thinking that i would catch the birds as they start to sing,.
I thought it was to early for prayer, and i kep on waiting hoping to listen to the birds as they call out..

It started to drag on a bit and i looked at the time and i realised that the time i heard the birds yesterday had passed, - i woke up to the sound, i was still half asleep

i was a bit disappointed but i went on to say my prayers anyways.

After when i sat to read the Quran ... i heard it.. the cry of the birds, it was louder than usual and i think it was a different bird...

yesterday i thought the bird was speaking to me, but i could not understand its song... i thought it was saying - fatima get up!! get up - time for prayer - Dont sleep, Get up..

and i wanted to hear that too today..lol

but i heard it today and i am grateful....

what a beautiful song the birds sing, when it is dawn, what a beautiful cry it is..
i am reminded of the wonders my Lord has provided us - some people canno hear this song, but i do, so Most Gracious - Be Thou Glorified.

You shall glorify the name of your Lord The Great - ........