there is a fine line btw

i
i have long avoided this , kept it from my mind and today i dont know what brought it back to my head..
actually i do...
it is back in my mind because the feeling and my responses are going out of control, i need to get a grip and get it in line...
i need to learn how to control it, when to turn it on and when to turn it off..

i was afraid that i had lost it,
i thought that it was a fluke because i was so much into it that i refused to let myself go and i thought i dont know how, my responses were telling me differently but my mind was saying something else......
bbut i reckon i have not, but also i have to re-learn me, relearn how to respond , re learn how to
all i could think in my head is that i want you to
but that is no consolation...

it started off with, i used to be able to do this and i would feel it, and why dont i feel it, and i started to see what else i have forgotten...

hmm,, this is another conversation for another time.....
MG, still i reach out to you, to help me, not to let me go, no matter what. to keep me close and to help me to understand it, to help me to get a grip,.. because i really need to get a grip...

i am afraid i will scare you, in some ways because when it takes over me i cant think of anything else, and i am not willling to do anyhting else but ..

now that its back, i need to learn to control when it comes and when it doesnt..
MG - i need help
dont let me go, no matter what, keep me tied to thee, no matter what let me seek refuge with thee forgive me, foregive me....