passing dream

Weird mini dream of my mum leaving me a letter for me to read after her death.. i was crying in dream apologising why she never held me to her to know her understand her better. i just wanted her to be there for me..i didn't want anything off her i just wanted her to be there for me.... before i slept i watched a real how someone called a woman put of the blue.. her long lost family.. and i reminded myself i too am estranged from my dads family.. i dont know my mums family at all..  but i remember family wont get you to paradise..so family of righteousness people whether blood related or now is what i seek..

struck by being openly muslim

So i was on a work eoy special and one of the people in  leadership team recorded his message and the thing that struck me was the background photo which was a framed photo os a quranic phrase "Afahasibtum annamaa khalaqnaakum ‘abasanw wa annakum ilainaa laa turja’oon" which translate  roughly to mean "Did you imagine that We created you without any purpose, and that you will not be brought back to Us?”

I guess i was shocked first that he could flaunt his faith so openly like that.. and i think that was it...he could be himself openly and show his background faith proudly for everyone in business to see.

I also remember a training we attended where we were asked the q.. what inspires you each day.. i know i said my faith as this governs my moral code and interaction as much as possible.. i would not lie.. i felt naff saying that. Like i was a lost species and people would think me weird cos we live in a society where faith is a back burner...

Now am thinking of joining the muslim network at work but nah.. pas pour moi... because i dont subscribe to most things "mainstream muslim" hero worship and practice.  

Anyways..looking forward to 2026 insha Allah

Oh He who is....

Last couple of days my mind went towards one of the memories of my childhood listening to taped sermons  and this phrase stuck in my head... Ya huwa, ya man la huwa, illaha huwa...ya man lah illaha illahu....

I dont knownif i have mentioned this before or searched before.. but ai ai ai.. found me a meaning.. it said it translates to "oh he..oh who there is no he but Him"....

It is a powerful statement and it is one i would like to think Abraham voiced when searching for God...

So in my turn...i utter same words from the depths of my heart.. seeking the one who is.. the one who created all.  Seeking God...for his blessings and direction in my life....

On a side note.. if i could find that sermon tape... what lovely memories it will bring for me...it was a yoruba sermon 

running

There are days i want to run away from everyone and everything . I feel lost..... days where i feel i am a failure...i am an imposter...but in these times i seek refugee with my creator to ask he holds me and covers me... ...

i wanted to hear your voice

Today i wanted to hear your voice..the sad part of you gone is despite everything all i wanted was to hear you say you are ok amd hear your voice and i dont have that opportunity again...i aam still processing your departure..but i will admit that i had already sort of detached from you before you left here aand in my mind i knew/felt that would be the last time i saw you..i wish i could say all the things i wanted to say but never said but that is not the way you raised  me..you never gave me a voice/choice to express my opinion my own thoughts but its ok..that's my life and burden..it is what it is... i am still conflicted in what i perceive to be the hurt  and pain and manipulation and my obligations as a daughter so i  still processing it all..but in everything i can only thank God for my life my journey as it is and i hope i learn lessons from.your mistakes and dont make the same myself 

ask for see

There is that much friction in the family that i ask Llord to get the truth out about this woman and two men so we are all clear..amd about the theft of a life insurance policy to vindicate a boy and shame the perpetrators...a.family has been displaced cos of manipulation and greed..lord before we all pass please set this right

dream

This is the first time I dreamt of mum since her passing...she askedbif i would call to wishba happy birthday and I said why and i vented a bit at the boys behaviour.. very interesting 

Supplication..i seek refuge with the Most Gracious

Rabbi audzubika min sharri nafsi..min sharri amazati shayatini..wa audzubika rabbi anya dhuruni

abide with me lord

I have had some news and the woman i once knew is not the woman i spoke with. GOD i dont know what is in anyones mind amd i dont know anyones standing woth you but God dont let my mum be in pain and suffer..

My dedication of this hymn  that i know she likes and i hope by me writing it gives her solace.

Abide with me fast falls the eventidthe darkness deepens Lord with me abide.when other helpers fail and conforts flee. Help of the helpless o abide with me.

I need thy presence every passing hour. What but thy strength can foil the tempters power.. why like thyself my guide and stay shall be..o merciful lord please abide with me...

confidence anxiety

I am having a confidence anxiety crisis lord...as usual thy will be done in my life as thy direction is best for me even sometimes i may not see it . Please do not let me loose face..help me succeed inspite of my detractors help me progress help me prevail 

ramadan 2023

Thank you God for helping me to see this through.in afterthought it was not as intense as 2022..i am grateful to having met and now nearly completed..as we enter into our last day of ramadan i come to you with my issues..

My lord..allow me to take control of my mind and thoughts and not blasphemy against you. I realise my mind is busynqith things seen heard which pollute my thoughts..so my very big ask is from the prayer..do not condemn me lord whwn i forget or make a mistake and protect me from blasphemy against thee..i have started a journey to worship God alone..devoid of any association just God only aa controller and master of my life. Just God..the Almighty most Merciful.

Help me to stay faithful with my praise and prayer and charity... help me  not to be wasteful  or stingy..

Help me to be successful in life and hereafter. In life with my work..my family..i amnin a position which is not certain help me to make it certain give me the insight needed to succeed the knowledge to progress and succeed and be the best in what i do..help me to be focused and help me to help help me to be able to give back....

Keep my children safe from harm illness misfortune..protect them from the vices of this world and of and from unweary uncertain friends..keep them away from bad influence and help me to ahow them a good example help me  to keep them righteous with  a strong sense of faith and understanding of their relationship with you.

Help me fix my family..its been soo long soooooo long..tooooooo long..help me fix us..ultimately it is in your hands..but i miss what is called family..i am envious of those with extended family..if the family is not good for me then i fully understand and your Name be glorified as you seek not to involve  me in anyone or anything that is not beneficial for me.

Help me to be content with what you habe allocated and allowed for me..grant me that peace of contentment in your provisions to me and my kids. 

Give me energy and strength lord..give me your support please.

My creator there i things i say openly and things i keep secret.you know my secrets and my longings..my hidden desires and wants...i leave them up to thee to allow me and create for me. 

You have been creating miracles and chances for me..help me to continue to create more and more and more miracles for me amd never lwt me pass a chance you have created for me down..let me recognise it let me grasp it and let me sing your praise in thanks for it...

Its difficult to put to words but you are knowing of my condition so all is before the provider and bestower of blessings.

Blessed is thy name Lord now and forever. All praise if yours..all authority kingship and glory. In this life and hereafter thy name be glorified always.

healing Lord..merciful God

My wee nugget is still in baby ward..god help please..to get him well and out home..i cannot imagine the feeling of the mummy so my God that i come to for anything please heal our child and get him home soon.. 

there's no other God for me but the Most Gracious

La ilaha illa llah..ArRahman anta allah..

a little plea God

I seek refuge with God lest I ask for that of which I have no knowledge..and unless God has mercy on me I shall be lost.

Dear God, I know not the intention and mind of this lady but she makes  me happy and as such if she is unhappy I come to the one and only place where I seek solace and solution for my/any problems.   i am asking to make things ok for her and let our baby be ok...let us rejoice in the life that you have allowed to be created and let that life be well and healthy.. there is science but there is one who is greater and above all that is comprehensible. You are a God of miraculous wonders..I have felt your miracle and I believe in your Power as such I seek from you a word that our babyHp will be well and healthy...

Lonely

It is lonely  i must  admit..this path  to wanting  to worship God alone...i am not perfect  and little things  let me down..money..not giving my charity  properly and this crazy voice in my head.. bit as with everything i have a new prayer to beesch my Lord with..that being seeking refuge from the evils within myself..that is my shortcomings that i seek to overcome...by Gods Grace  i will overcome..for i have decided to stick to God alone and try to worship God alone devoid of all the  religious  noise and differences..a path inbetween a path straight  is the commonality of all that is the overwhelming acceptance  of the authority of God and of good over bad/evil.. i have my family  who want to worship God alone i should be grateful for that  and i am...sometimes  i feel i want someone else to share my joy in knowing God  through straightness and seeing someones elses perspective on their path to God alone...

Regardless..

Blessed  is the  name of God 

All praise is His

All authority 

All kingship and Glory 

In this life and hereafter

Be thou glorified..