Arrahman

Arrahman anta llahu. Subhanallahi rabbil alamin.
Most Gracious is my God. Glory be to God Lord of the universe

Hoodwinkle

So I went there Lord.. I was not able to get a quick resolution bit o was asked to text the man and he will Check for me.. o habe done so and await.a response

hoodwinkled

so dear Lord,
 i cannot sleep.. and it may be that is is a slight issue but it worries me.
 yesterday my dad called to say the money i said i was to send them they never received it. that they think i have been hood-winkled.
 this money in question i wanted to send since  new year but something always held me back  and i just  felt  like  i could not part with so much to give but  i said i have not done any monthly  zakat to my dad and i had to send something in any fashion.
 on this day i plucked up the courage to  call my dad and ask him for his account number and i went to the shop to send money at the  shop.
   i gave the man the money and he said he will send it.
 not there are no issues here because i have sent money through him before and i left the shop.
 i had not called or spoken to my dad since until  yesterday when he called to drop me this bombshell.
 not its one of three issues
 1 - either  my dad is confused as he believes the money came from another person -  the account name of the sender will not be me so maybe  he did get money but he  is not linking it to me
 2 - either the man did not send the money  - in which case it will be a breach of trust for me because i have been to their shop since then as i buy other foodstuff from them - then i ask myself since them why not  tell me there is an issue
3 - either i am deluded and i didn't not send anymoney..
 i am quite clear i send the money as there is verification and i know in this instance i am not lying.
 4   - i am trying to  be hood-winkled by my dad.

 so in all likely-hood my mind is open and i am veering towards the first  because a similar situation occurred with my mum but she later came back to say she received it.. not i cannot be sure if she was trying to hood-winkle me but she was most efficiently clear when she accused me saying  she  never received any money until i went back to the people and challenged her again.

 so  i am in a quandary.. i am just rather put in a situation i don't like..
 i hate returning things in a shop - i just learn to live with it and move on
 - i hate challenging people  so to go back is for me to say to the man who send the money on my behalf that  he is lying that he sent it.
 it will be a easy thing to verify in all honesty but i am not relishing it..

 whatever the situation Lord - please give me courage to see it through - whatever the outcome help me to  deal with it.

 may your name be forever praised and glorified always..

Jaa al Haq qa zahaqa batila.. innaa batila kana zahukan

Support me lord and progress me in this life and the hereafter

admit me lord a honorable admittance and let me depart a honorable departure and grant me from thee a powerful support..

 such is the words on my  tongue this afternoon and i forget the arabic f it

 rabbi adkhilini mudkhala sidqimnwa akhrijni mukhraja sidqin waj alni min ladunka sultana nasiran

  and from this sura is the part which says establish  prayer from the setting of the sun until darkness of the night  

 and from the night arise from sleep for prayer with it as additional for you  - one translation

 And during the night, meditate (singular) with it for your (singular) own benefit and perhaps your Lord may raise you (singular) to a praiseworthy position - another translation

During the night, you shall meditate for extra credit - another translation

 this part i dont do and by the grace and support of the most gracious this is what i plan to adopt..

 a little bit of the night dedicated to my creator - be it 5 mins be it 1 minute i seek to dedicate to God alone..

 may my Lord accept it from me..

night time ramblings

Each time i come to you lord i have words i need to express but i do not know how to express it.
 so many issues i have on my mind and i want to talk to you.. and i do talk to you but i want to keep a log of what i talk to you about so i don't forget any promises or pledges i give on my  behalf.
 -  i need to save money and i need to control my spending.. please lord help me with this
 -  i am hungry for more of your progress and blessing lord i am hungry and  i want your prosperous grace in my life n whatever i do so i can be proud i can sing and i can shout to anyone who engages me to hear how wonderful my lord has been onto me..  i should not feel ashamed i think - for pekingese my lords bounties - i should not be afraid - but i am afraid because too much of anyone thing may lead me away from thee - that is why i ask of thee also that wherever wherever i am  let me never forget to keep praising you.
 -  i want to be able to meditate on your name as before - i know it is harder for me with kids but i still want that part of myself back.. it is there but i want it back
 -  i want to be able to pray without my mind drifting out without my thoughts  drifting.. i just want to be focused on my praise to thee
 - i want to be able to progress at work and get more money and  praise or find  another job where i will be adequately paid as i want for the duties i will offer them. ultimately all honour comes from thee  lord so i put this before you as you  have advanced me advance me some more.. let all my detractors cower in shame
 - i want to be a better mum and have more time and patience for the chikkis..i want them to know that i love them i want them to know i am always in there corner but i also want them to realise that i am tough and wont let them take bat habits or standard

 keep me safe o lord help me to be better devoted to thee and walk in righteousness. help me to praise and worship thee in all that i do.. help me lord and support me..
 without you i am finished
 without you i am a goner
 so i seek to hold onto thee in everything in my life whatever it is  my lord i seek to put everything before thee

I need thy support lord in all that i do

Yes i am greedy and insatiable for the mercy and bounty from my lord..
Guide me to thee o lord.. and provide for me in this life and the hereafter... keep me praising thee always..

Honour thy parents

Help me o lord to do the right thing by you.. I know what I want and i see the difficulties ahead and i know what i habe asked you for.. I need your grace to help me. This is a test.. I want to come thru with your blessing whatever the outcome so as it is coming I need your counsel as I bring it forward to tou. You already know.. you are already awareof this make it easy for me lord. Help me to be able to honour whatever my feelings.. whatever my hurt whatever my grievances..help me to honour as you have asked of me..
You have set me free please do not let the chains take hold of me.. I walk in thy light and want to walk in the light always.. truth and glory to God.. whatever I have is because of you..Thy name be praised always

Thank you

Something as insignificant as hair but thank you god for giving me the jump to do the hair
. How i completed it I dont know but i know beforehand I asked of you and you came to my rescue.
All praise is yours now and forever. Thank you

There is no other God but GOD The Most Gracious The Best Proviser

La ilaha illa lllahu Arrahman khayru razziqin

Huwa Arrahman amana bihi wa alayhi tawakalna

He is the Most Gracious.. (we)i believe in Him and i(we) trust in Him..

THANK YOU

A quick thank you for bous day

There is only one God

There is Only One God
Truth is His Name
He is the Creator, Protector, Without Fear, No Enmity, The First Entity, Never born, True in the beginning, True Through the Ages,True even now and  will be True in the future.

I opened  book at my indian takeaway and i was inspired again by these words..

birthday party

i dont know where i have this irrational fear from but dear God the boy wants a party.
 my social withdrawals is avoiding me having him a party because i am afraid we have a party and no one comes.
 and i have been avoiding having one since he was 3..
 this your Boy lord this is your AR.. i would like him to have a party and i pray by your grace it is well.

Dear God i need your bounty each and every day, what but thy grace can take my fears away

i am conflicted right now because of news i  heard yesterday at work.
 and it involves people who back in 2015/2016 were part of a system that sought to exploit me at work.
 bonus season is approaching and people are having that conversation and i am told someone is not getting a bonus.
 that decision i consider very harsh even if  they felt their contribution was not that they wanted it to be they still contributed.
 it then brought back emotions of how i felt working working toiling and trying to do my my best trying to beat a magical ceiling  the stress of being the mug  of the team that people dipped into  without any care of bother at all...
 it then makes me reevaluate my manager as i was told it was her decision to make  - in all fairness i am not sure that is exactly correct but i will consider my now manager as fair and that is all i can say. i respect her judgement and her ability but if she has vetoed this decision -  then how does that make me feel.
 in all instances i will  have nothing but praise for my now manger - not all decisions she makes in my opinion i will agree with i feel she could be much tougher if she wants to ensure things move on but at the same time i will say she is balanced.. i can only judge her on my interaction with her -  she listens to me and protects me even from myself - that is what i want from any manager and in turn i work my hardest for her and try to improve her team stats even if it means doing work for people i already stated i would not do because it was clear they were playing the system and it was a habit i didnt dont and will never like..
the comment the person made to me was that i was being pitted against her in terms of performance and much as i dislike pitting anyone against anyone i consider that our work is unpredictable although there is some consistency so  comparisons  is very  difficult..i would not want to be pitted against anyone and i dont want anyone to be pitted against me..i want to be considered on my own merit on my own contribution and  work..
 i dont know what i want to say but i know what i want to say at present.
yes i think the decision not to pay any bonus is very very harsh -  no i would not want to be in that position and i ask of thee lord  not to ever put me in that position - yes its a bonus and it should not be relied upon but its a saving pot money for some and despite us saying we dont place much importance on it we know we lie because we do.. its a recognition from your work of your hard work and contribution to work and to say its nol for someone is saying they they have not contributed at all..

sleeping work again

i seek refuge with thee o lord as i ask for your help and assistance as i seek your blessings on me with my work. new changes and i need your grace to stay on top of my work and achieve the outcomes they want.. i seek your help oh lord and your grace.
help me t be victorious and successful