Dear God i need your bounty each and every day, what but thy grace can take my fears away

i am conflicted right now because of news i  heard yesterday at work.
 and it involves people who back in 2015/2016 were part of a system that sought to exploit me at work.
 bonus season is approaching and people are having that conversation and i am told someone is not getting a bonus.
 that decision i consider very harsh even if  they felt their contribution was not that they wanted it to be they still contributed.
 it then brought back emotions of how i felt working working toiling and trying to do my my best trying to beat a magical ceiling  the stress of being the mug  of the team that people dipped into  without any care of bother at all...
 it then makes me reevaluate my manager as i was told it was her decision to make  - in all fairness i am not sure that is exactly correct but i will consider my now manager as fair and that is all i can say. i respect her judgement and her ability but if she has vetoed this decision -  then how does that make me feel.
 in all instances i will  have nothing but praise for my now manger - not all decisions she makes in my opinion i will agree with i feel she could be much tougher if she wants to ensure things move on but at the same time i will say she is balanced.. i can only judge her on my interaction with her -  she listens to me and protects me even from myself - that is what i want from any manager and in turn i work my hardest for her and try to improve her team stats even if it means doing work for people i already stated i would not do because it was clear they were playing the system and it was a habit i didnt dont and will never like..
the comment the person made to me was that i was being pitted against her in terms of performance and much as i dislike pitting anyone against anyone i consider that our work is unpredictable although there is some consistency so  comparisons  is very  difficult..i would not want to be pitted against anyone and i dont want anyone to be pitted against me..i want to be considered on my own merit on my own contribution and  work..
 i dont know what i want to say but i know what i want to say at present.
yes i think the decision not to pay any bonus is very very harsh -  no i would not want to be in that position and i ask of thee lord  not to ever put me in that position - yes its a bonus and it should not be relied upon but its a saving pot money for some and despite us saying we dont place much importance on it we know we lie because we do.. its a recognition from your work of your hard work and contribution to work and to say its nol for someone is saying they they have not contributed at all..