I walk to my Lord the best Provider..

I walk the path of the lord the same familiar route that leads me to thee.
I walk the same road as before seeking thy mercy and comforts
I  walk the road that I have walked before  leading to my creator and provider
 My Lord i seek they blessing and favour on me to establish me on the path of success and progress in this life and the hereafter.
I seek they blessing and favour on my soul to establish me on the path of success and progress in this life and the hereafter
I seek thy blessings and favour my Lord upon me to establish me in success and progress in this life and the hereafter.
I ask of thee in the light  of the they Greatness and Mercy.
I ask from a Most Gracious Lord , My God of old and of now \and evermore
I ask knowing that my obligations are lacking, My attention is panning but i ask nonetheless confident of my Lords blessings upon me of before and confident of my Lords forgiveness.
 yesterday  i read this particular verse 38:35 which is a request of Solomon.
 i don't seek riches of  enormous proportion i don't seek power  but i seek of my own from my Lord that which i will be happy and satisfied  with not to be oppressed  or subdued by anyone  or anything.
in the light of the scripture my request of this time and this very instance is
 My Lord Forgive me and grant me from thee Success and progress in this life and the hereafter. Indeed you are the Bestower.

For all Praise is yours, All authority and Kingship, in this life and forever, may your name be exalted always.

i ask of thee and from thee o Lord

blessed be the name of God in all things may his holy name be praised and exalted always.

 dear lord i am hungry very hungry for progress and success.
 very much often i feel i am being overlooked and i have tried to be patient with my circumstances and with my lot..  very much often i want to progress and i am either afraid to reach for fear that i am being greedy.
but dear lord i am hungry for success and progress.
 i too want my own house - that house with a garden and stairs and 2 bathrooms
 i too want that job with increased earnings
 i too want that success of  mind and success associated with  a generous lord.
 i too want that other child that  i think will make my family complete
 success only comes with thy approval and true success after all is  everlasting happiness at thee.
 i know that and i try to stave my hunger for worldly things because i tell myself that i want  is  what is at hand with thee. and i do i really do.
 i want to worship you and praise you and i want my soul to be accepted by you.
 at the same time i want some "tings" of this world - even though i know they don't last  and are irrelevant in the long run.
 can i reconcile the two?
 this is my dilemma.
 all the money in the world cannot buy me everlasting peace or make me feel rich inside
 all the houses and the best accommodation in the world cannot compare to the notion of paradise
 but yet i try but i am wanting the two.
 is this possible..
 i say yes it is
 why
 because my God who is in control can do and undo
my God who  has all sovereignty  can make it come true.
 look at job he suffered a  long time and in the end God blesses him more
look at David and Solomon and their riches that God bestowed on them and yet they were counted on as his righteous servants
so it is possible to have some of this world and  more of the hereafter because God can make it possible.
i put you lord before everything i do - i try to put you at the forefront and afterthought of my every action and deed - rightly or wrongly they may be -  i come to you with my everything..
 so as i come to you to say  and confess what i feel is the unsay-able  - even though i feel ungrateful and greedy -  i come to you knowing you as my Lord are a Lord that makes everything all right.
 you are a lord that has taken care of me and provided for me - and by thy grace will always take care of me and provide for me.
whilst i accept that your laws and designs  in our lives i firmly believe that you are a God of miracles  and you can do and undo as you see fit.
 so i ask of thee right now in this very instance for your grace upon me to usher in for me good fortune, greatness, success, progress and goodness in this life and the hereafter - to provide for me your blessings  and provisions in this life and hereafter. i ask  from a Most Gracious Lord  in whose hands is all control and authority of everything and anything. I ask from the Most Gracious Lord who has seen me from infancy and raised me into adulthood. i ask from the Most Gracious Lord who reigns supreme and has decisive judgement in everything and all things. I ask from the Most Gracious Lord who is and has been and will always be King of my life and soul. I ask from the Most Gracious Lord as i know no other to ask.

For all praise if yours
 all authority kingship and Glory
in this life and the hereafter
 there s no other God but thee
Be thou Glorified Most Gracous Lord.

Be thou glorified o lord

Be thou glorified o lord in everything and anything. 

Let my lips speak words of praise to please thee.

Let my heart rejoice in the comfort of thy blessings.

Let me forever praise and glorify thee.

In everything and all things thou art my lord and only lord. Guide me to thee in righteousness and keep me praising thee always.

Praises be to the lord most High

Blessed is the name of God forever and ever. His Holy name be praised and exalted always.

Citizen Of the World

I am a cow. I am one of many. And I am many in thousands. You find me here, there and everywhere. I am the same and yet I am different. 

Testing

In the manner of akon testing 123..

workplace issues

 So  I am a bit disturbed right now and I can’t sleep.

  I feel bad, because I seem to come here mostly to vent off and present my problems I want to talk and explore most things but  the time to sit and ponder as per before  is not there  again.

  I asked my work to take an emergency time of tomorrow because I have no childcare cover.

 I offered then the option of using holidays or working it back at the weekends.

 Weekends are  particularly difficult for me  but it is doable insofar as I split the time over the two days and come in when the kids are asleep and be back to do my things when they are awake.

 The answer was to use the holiday but if I was to come in at the weekend they would want me to work it all in one day.

This then got me thinking what a stupid idea. Is the point not that the time is going to be paid back why the insistence that it be done over one day rather than splitting it as I would prefer.

Is the issue here that work had to be done, does it really matter if it is done over one or two days as long as it is done?

Would I not do the work? Have I not positioned myself in such a way that I am organised to say I can do the work I commit myself to do? Are they afraid that I may not come in after all? Or the work will not get done?

Is there something being planned at the weekend that makes it impossible for me to come in and do  the work?

 There are some days increasingly that I detest the leadership at work because imo they don’t think – they  don’t consider peoples situation. I understand to some degree their position but there are times that you need to consider individual situation and deal with that. I thought we were in a systems thinking environment where we think above the norm and not group brush everything the same so why is this approach different?

 In my own case I hardly ask or emergency hols but sometimes I am caught short and in this case I truly was. The person I was planning on to do my childcare was not able to as they had to be in school themselves.. so its not that I present myself looking for avenues to shirk work.. but the case is that I really need  it.

  It then brings to mind the uphill battle I face with childcare and what I will be facing when the boy starts school and I don’t know where to turn. But I have already approached the work and said to them    I  would prefer to be in work and work any time back but if it comes to it I am not averse to  requesting unpaid leave because  how else can I survive to please work and please myself.

 I will go into debt yes but I will be able to keep a blemish free work record.

 I have some holidays left over and I have asked to use this to back fill and maybe push into the new holiday year but they may force me to take them all and then I will be in real trouble

 So I turn to thee oh lord.. oh! oh! oh!there is a song in my head.. I turn to you by mel c but when I am searching  there is another one with Christina Aguilera –

When I'm lost, in the rain, in your eyes
I know I'll find the light to light my way.

When I'm scared, losing ground, when my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around yes

And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there givin' me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm, for a friend for a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on,
For everything you do for everything that's true I turn to you, yes.

When I lose the will to win I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything, 'cause your love is so amazing,
Cause your love inspires me. And when I need a friend you're always on my side,
Givin' me faith to get me through the night.

Which is rather good to be honest because it conveys what I want to say. But the actual one I had in my head is the one my mel c

When the world is darker than I can understand.
When nothing turns out the way I planned.
When the sky turns grey and there's no end in sight.
When I can't sleep through the lonely night.

I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

When my insides are wracked with anxiety.
You have the touch that will quiet me.
You lift my spirit. You melt the ice.
When I need inspiration, when I need advice.

I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

Where would I be? What would I do?
If you'd never helped me through.
I hope someday if you've lost your way.
You could turn to me like I turn to you.

I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

I turn to you. When fear tells me to turn around.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you. I turn to you. I turn to you.

This is the best one that conveys exactly what I want to say to you oh lord. I turn to you in  all my anxiety and strife I turn to you because  you are the only one.. and as I present this issues and many more unspoken in my heart  I ask you for a way out to help me  in my situation and advance me greatly from your wonderousness tha is your mercy and blessings.

 As ever dear lord, your name be praised and glorified always  in everything and anything and all things.

I have been meaning to say thanks. Thank you God

I offer my thanks to the most gracious lord amd i thank him very much for his help on AR. I am grateful lord and thank you very very much for this issue

Praise be to God.. the lord of the universe.

I have just seem my post of 12/01 and i bow in adoration to toe most gracious lord.
I am filled with adoration for him amd i know and feel my God the most gracious lord is good and true.
Dear lord inspite and despite keep  me praising thee always.
From my heart and soul it is allow me to  praise and worship  thee always and to be appreciative of all the blessings that you have bestowed on my and my children. Grant us righteousness in this life and then hereafter and let us not  depart except as submitters to thee..

Friday 31st march

Dear Lord what am I to do

There I was yesterday I was with the intention that I would come to you to say thank you for AM and her nursery place at the same nursery that AR went to that I am about to be offered which has taken  a whole concern  from me that she will be looked after and in very very good hands much as you have done for AR.

Then I get the news that the lady who  was looking after AR many not be able to look after her for me.
 

  What else can I do.

A couple of issues and thoughts are running through my head and I cant seem to focus  and see a  way out .

The options I have is beg my work to let me finish at 3   but this means I loose 5 hours a week off my hours -  but this arrangement also means ,if they are agreeable ,although I  will work 6.5 hours .0.5hrs of this being for my lunch and I would want to take it towards the end of my shift i.e. not have a lunch but then again  thatis another  worry because I use  my lunch to say my prayers.

  What can  I do.

If they don’t agree it means I work 5.5 27.5 hours – I  dont believe I can survive on that what with the two of them and I don’t even believe they will allow me that in any event. But i live in hope that  you my lord makes miracles  because i know you do and i have read you do amd i am witness  that you do.

I loose holidays and I loose pay -  I need the holidays for when the term time closes and for family emergencies so i don’t burden my work  so that I don’t come up on their list of people with issues

 

The  childminder I have been  directed to  she says she has other clients and I know I have tried  her before and she didn’t  have any time for AR  and it was panic stations till you put this lovely lady in front of me.

 

In  Ar case also I don’t know what will become of him because he is to start school and the first couple of weeks of starting school is murder and though I have out him on a place waiting list for the after school care I don’t know in all honesty what I will do.

 

  It is just like once we get a reprieve  then another massive hurdle comes in view and I don’t know where to go from here.

What must I do except  turn to the foundation  of all life - to my lord and ask for his help and blessings as I have always done asking that he come to my aid and  help me with mychildren.

 

The last time I took a wage cut   it was bad  in that I could not sustain myself but that in itself  I don’t know because the right thing to say  is that you are the one that sustains me as well as my children.

 

I enjoy my work – I don’t have anything else that I can say is part of me and work allows me to be me -  with a wage cut and loss of hours is a loss of holidays. And the last time I asked  for  reduction in hours they made me feell like I was begging for it I felt so low even  though I put a brave face on it -  its like they want you  to beg for something and they rub your nose in it.

That is how it made me feel but they approved it not after the manager giving me a talking to like i was a child who was being given something i should kill for.

I come to work I have always  come to work I try to give my best  and my all -  I put in more than my all  and try to do the best that I can do in any given event. I don’t call in sick; I give then notice for anything -  and I  put them first in  to that they have advance notice of all my issues and problems.

 

I am a good worker I work I show up I turn up and sometimes I  just ask for little allowances  – the little allowsances I ask for  is only in regards mychildren.

I don’t allow my children sicknesses to disburb my work – I use my holidays for emergency and it is only in rare  circumstances that I actually cost them money in anything like paying me for being sick or emergency leave  - I ALWAYS WORK IT BACK or have worked it before.

I dont sit  idle – well expect for now that I am typing this and I have to put this because it is killing me.right now i cant focus.

 

Where do I turn god where to I turn if it is not to you ,what else can I do, how is it can I say want must I do to  say that I need your help. I need your great help dear god of mine.

 

How can I  lay my case to you when you already know everything about me.

 

  The last two days I was reading about moses and how it was that you inspired his mother to give him away and put  him on a river -   I thought to myself When i  read that verse that the  woman must have been instilled with some super confidence  and trust; trust that was unshakable and firm trust that we mere mortals in this day and age don’t have.

In as much as I say I have trust in god and I believe  in you it does not stop me  from worrying still, because I don’t know what will happen I don’t know what will pass and I don’t know how it will play out.

 What must I do  who must I see who must I  go to in order to succeeed and progress – what else can I do.

I keep my intergrity I overlook  all the nottiness  of the team what else should I say or do.

I just keep doing me.

Wage rise  is for show in my opinion and slow – a little at a time-  I work work work put my all and not getting naything tangible.

What else can I do dear lord.

do I say the burden is too much for me that I will kill myself and my children

do I say that I will just walk out on everyone and run away

  what else can be done

As ever i am inspired  by the  verse in which it is narrated that moses asked of and  from God.. rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayha min khayrin faqir.  So i too ask of you amd from you dear lord i am truly  in need of whatever  goodness that  you may bestow on me amd i ask of and  from the most gracious lord who is the only and best provider. The One who has  sustained and supplied for me. The One who is without doubt is God the lord of the universe.

Bonus

Blessed is the name of the most gracious lord today tomorrow and for always.  I seek a favour  from you lord by asking you to be extremely generous with me and  for me. And as i ask  i deliver  myself  unto thee to seeking your bounties
As  no one  can provide like you.

I am sorry

I am sorry Lord and i felt regret at my thoughts.  After watching call the midwife and seeing someone portrayed at losing a baby at 5 months a5md the sorrow om the mothers face..it them made me feel bad that i too may have considered what it would have been like. Sometimes i am foolish in my thinking and i dont think things through and  i confess to thee o lord and  i ask forgiveness. It is a wonder how you make  your world with all its rules and  how you oversee who has what or will get what. I am sorry God.  Very sorry. Please forgive me

Itchy businesses

I virtually ran out of work yesterday...itchy skin business again..started with slow heartburn then i felt bits of my skin warming till it got to my scalp..then it was all out war

I AM IN NEED..Rabbi inni limaa anzalta ilayya min khayri faqir..

How do i cry out to  you o lord for help om this bed  wetting issue. I don't  know what to do. I don't  know how to help him. I  slowly turning into my mother. Help me please god help me with him
He doesn't want to learn and  he is just  as comfortable sleeping and  wetting himself. What do i do.. I  went to doctors they said its normal but this is not  normal
He cannot seem to wake from sleep to go and weee.the doctors dont see it as a problem at  his age... Where did i go wrong god..where did i go wrong.
Its either wee himself or wake him up every 2 hrs for a week. Or deprive him of liquid when he comes back
How can i help him please God how can i help him.
I am frustrated i don't  see a way out.. i am frustrated i dont see a light.  But as i come to you i shall try not to despair but i lament  to you and ask for your timely help with this issue. Where  have  i gone wrong..how can i bring it back..
This  is AR this is him oh lord..this is  him who i have asked you for him.. this is AR that is yours  my lord.. i am failing him.. i dont know how to help  him..please god help me help me please..
The other  day he said when he was in my belly he asked god to send him to me i am failing him as i cannot seem to teach him how to reach his  milestones.. i am failing  him as i dont have the  patience for  this.  It is killing me to be washing sheets everyday.. do i get him tp sleep on  floor or bare mattress ... i cant do that...he is a young boy still.. do i put him back in nappy?? What  do i do lord what do i do.. how can i help him learn how to  control this behaviour.. i am putting  a brave face.. i always put a brave face but its killing me because i feel  a failure a sham.. help me god help me what do i do how can i help him...i am desperate for your help on this  issue please god help me..

my Lord, blame me not for what i forget and be not hard on me for this lapse of mine

 rabbi la tuwakhizni bima nasitu wa la turhiqni min amri u'sran.

 rabbana la tuwakhisna innasina awakhtana

rabbana wa la tahmil alayna isran kama hamaltahu alla ladzina min qablina. rabbana wa la tuhamilna ma la taqata lana bihi. wa afuwana wa aghfirlana wa arhamna anta maulana fa ansurna fi dunya wal ahirat,wa anta arhamnu khayru razziqin

My Lord do not condem me if i forget or make a mistake. my  lord let menot blasphemy against you like others before me have done. my lord keep me from sinning .pardon me forgive me and have mercy on me . you are. my  master. grant me victory in this life and the hearafter, you are the most gracious, the best provider.

 this starts my prayer for 2017. i ask the most gracious for his mercy and guidance as  always on my and my children.. i ask of the most gracious to increase in my guidance and understanding to  help me to  grow and learn and progress in all good things in life and he hereafter and to always  keep me praising him always.