workplace issues

 So  I am a bit disturbed right now and I can’t sleep.

  I feel bad, because I seem to come here mostly to vent off and present my problems I want to talk and explore most things but  the time to sit and ponder as per before  is not there  again.

  I asked my work to take an emergency time of tomorrow because I have no childcare cover.

 I offered then the option of using holidays or working it back at the weekends.

 Weekends are  particularly difficult for me  but it is doable insofar as I split the time over the two days and come in when the kids are asleep and be back to do my things when they are awake.

 The answer was to use the holiday but if I was to come in at the weekend they would want me to work it all in one day.

This then got me thinking what a stupid idea. Is the point not that the time is going to be paid back why the insistence that it be done over one day rather than splitting it as I would prefer.

Is the issue here that work had to be done, does it really matter if it is done over one or two days as long as it is done?

Would I not do the work? Have I not positioned myself in such a way that I am organised to say I can do the work I commit myself to do? Are they afraid that I may not come in after all? Or the work will not get done?

Is there something being planned at the weekend that makes it impossible for me to come in and do  the work?

 There are some days increasingly that I detest the leadership at work because imo they don’t think – they  don’t consider peoples situation. I understand to some degree their position but there are times that you need to consider individual situation and deal with that. I thought we were in a systems thinking environment where we think above the norm and not group brush everything the same so why is this approach different?

 In my own case I hardly ask or emergency hols but sometimes I am caught short and in this case I truly was. The person I was planning on to do my childcare was not able to as they had to be in school themselves.. so its not that I present myself looking for avenues to shirk work.. but the case is that I really need  it.

  It then brings to mind the uphill battle I face with childcare and what I will be facing when the boy starts school and I don’t know where to turn. But I have already approached the work and said to them    I  would prefer to be in work and work any time back but if it comes to it I am not averse to  requesting unpaid leave because  how else can I survive to please work and please myself.

 I will go into debt yes but I will be able to keep a blemish free work record.

 I have some holidays left over and I have asked to use this to back fill and maybe push into the new holiday year but they may force me to take them all and then I will be in real trouble

 So I turn to thee oh lord.. oh! oh! oh!there is a song in my head.. I turn to you by mel c but when I am searching  there is another one with Christina Aguilera –

When I'm lost, in the rain, in your eyes
I know I'll find the light to light my way.

When I'm scared, losing ground, when my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around yes

And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there givin' me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm, for a friend for a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on,
For everything you do for everything that's true I turn to you, yes.

When I lose the will to win I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything, 'cause your love is so amazing,
Cause your love inspires me. And when I need a friend you're always on my side,
Givin' me faith to get me through the night.

Which is rather good to be honest because it conveys what I want to say. But the actual one I had in my head is the one my mel c

When the world is darker than I can understand.
When nothing turns out the way I planned.
When the sky turns grey and there's no end in sight.
When I can't sleep through the lonely night.

I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

When my insides are wracked with anxiety.
You have the touch that will quiet me.
You lift my spirit. You melt the ice.
When I need inspiration, when I need advice.

I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

Where would I be? What would I do?
If you'd never helped me through.
I hope someday if you've lost your way.
You could turn to me like I turn to you.

I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

I turn to you. When fear tells me to turn around.
I turn to you. 'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you. I turn to you. I turn to you.

This is the best one that conveys exactly what I want to say to you oh lord. I turn to you in  all my anxiety and strife I turn to you because  you are the only one.. and as I present this issues and many more unspoken in my heart  I ask you for a way out to help me  in my situation and advance me greatly from your wonderousness tha is your mercy and blessings.

 As ever dear lord, your name be praised and glorified always  in everything and anything and all things.