sometimes it is easy to bare one's soul out to the world and at times it is not so easy especially when things are of a sensitive nature.
My Lord, sometimes i want to talk to a human soul, but what will that gain me expcept a bit of relief and feeling that someone has heard me.
My Lord i know you hear me, and i know that you you know me, but i dont know what to do
You have said to ask with prayer and i am hoping i am doing just that.
I trust in thee and i am relying in thee. I have done all i could do, the rest is with you.
i am worried , yes I am and i am slowly loosing hope because i dont knwo the outcome.
i am reminded by a verse - hasbunallahu wa nima-al wa keel. and la hawla wa la kuwata illa bi llahi.
apart from constant recitation on my part i dont know what else to do
My Lord - you have said to ask in prayer and i am trying to do just that.
You know me and ultimately you know what is best for me.
but i am begging thee and pleading with thee to grant me, to allow me and to forgive me.
Forgive me the temptation which makes me think that others mischief may be the case in this instance but i know and fully realise that You My Lord, The Most Gracious God are in control of all things. Nothing happens except with you knowledge or in accordance with your will.
I wont say that i understand how your will and plans for us are meant to pann out, in fact i wont hazard a guess but i have to trust that you as my Sustainer will sustain me and provide for me.
in this instance if it were just me, i may not bother as much btu there are other people somewhat involved that will be involved and the recriminations and unknown shame/tanning response is frightening me.
My Lord please i dont know what to use to beg of thee, i can say i will stop doing this, i can say i will give this to this person but ultimately i know they are just promises, promises that i may not carry out.
but God i can only say that i will try my best to be more charitable, to lead a more righteous life, to Glorify thee more, exalt thee more, Praise thee more eloquently
This much i trust that by your Grace you will allow me.
I have done all i can do i dont know what else to do, Please My Lord help me.
I am begging thee Great Lord, to please help me.
Most Gracious Lord, of all the names you have this is the one that endears to me the most - the moment i heard it and it resonated with my heart i was in Love with it and this is the best name i call thee. The Most Gracious.
Most Gracious, you are my protector and you are my Lord please help me.
i was saying to myself today that your mercy is such expanse and so deep that with it you provide for the disbelievers, you provide for the idolaters, you provide for the believers.
i hope that you regard me as a believer my Lord and i am asking that you extend your mercy to me.
I am hoping in thee my Lord and i am begging thee to please please please please help me.
As i am feeling right now i am begging thee Lord that it is a blessing and i am begging thee to please please please help me.
i can sit and lament all day long, i can sit and cry all night long my Lord please i dont want to cry any longer i want to jubilate and sing and give thanks and praise, i want to shout so the whole world can hear i want to testify my thanks to the Lord. My God please help me Most Gracious please help me as i dont know what to do...
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Bacha Bazi
i have just seen a documentry on c hannel 4 - Bacha Bazi - which is the term for dancing boys.
and i am in slight shock - as i understand it - young bouy are dressed up as women and made to dance in front of other men, at the end of the night the men take the young boy/boys back home - yes you guessed it - this is just plain sodomy.
hmmm
my Lord, is this the world that we live in?
it is not for me to preach righteousness and moral ethics to others -as i myself am a sinner looking for mercy and redemption from God - but really i cannot ignore this.
you take aaway a childs innocence at a young age, introdue them to sex with other men, how do you expect them to live normal lives?
in a country that is strangely muslim - these things go on and people dont seem to think that there is nothing rong with it - the very Quran they read from does not advocate it - the religion they practice does not advocate it,
my firs reaction was to send a nuclear bomb to the country and bulldoze them all. May god help us really because we need it.
this life is ?????? - May God help us all.
and i am in slight shock - as i understand it - young bouy are dressed up as women and made to dance in front of other men, at the end of the night the men take the young boy/boys back home - yes you guessed it - this is just plain sodomy.
hmmm
my Lord, is this the world that we live in?
it is not for me to preach righteousness and moral ethics to others -as i myself am a sinner looking for mercy and redemption from God - but really i cannot ignore this.
you take aaway a childs innocence at a young age, introdue them to sex with other men, how do you expect them to live normal lives?
in a country that is strangely muslim - these things go on and people dont seem to think that there is nothing rong with it - the very Quran they read from does not advocate it - the religion they practice does not advocate it,
my firs reaction was to send a nuclear bomb to the country and bulldoze them all. May god help us really because we need it.
this life is ?????? - May God help us all.
Friday, 17 December 2010
TOOOOO similar
this world is only toooooooooo similar - if we take the time to learn, understand, maybe just maybe - but instead we assimilate biggotry and extremism and we shun tolerance and commonality - all for what? because each side believes their vew is right?
my view from so far is that there is a fundamental truth and fundamental laws/statements - but also there are opinions that may not be correct and logic that may not be truly founded - one thing is true for me though above anything/everything else - that God is one - The worship of God is about God - not about any prophet, messenger, rabbi or priest - Worshipping God is about a connection that each person has to make themselves - no one can do this for you - no priest, rabbi or imam can guide you or pray for you or establish a link to God for you - each soul has to do that for themselves..
Now how are these statements different to that which i believe in? tell me.....
1. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, is the Creator and Guide of everything that has been created; He alone has made, does make, and will make all things.
2. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, is One, and that there is no unity in any manner like His, and that He alone is our God, who was, and is, and will be.
3. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, has no body, and that He is free from all the properties of matter, and that there can be no (physical) comparison to Him whatsoever.
4. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, is the first and the last.
5. I believe with perfect faith that to the Creator, Blessed be His Name, and to Him alone, it is right to pray, and that it is not right to pray to any being besides Him.
6. I believe with perfect faith that all the words of the prophets are true.
7. I believe with perfect faith that the prophecy of Moses our teacher, peace be upon him, was true, and that he was the chief of the prophets, both those who preceded him and those who followed him.(i dont know anything of chieftancy title but i believe in all the prophets and messengers from God and i seek not to differentiate amongst any of them, they were all messengers according to how God wanted them to be (this is how i feel that some people hang onto muhammed titling him the seal of prophets and how some people hang onto jesus as well)
8. I believe with perfect faith that the entire Torah that is now in our possession is the same that was given to Moses our teacher, peace be upon him. ( if i am honest i cant be sure of that becayuse i feel that human beings - such as they are always seek to add to things they they should not)
9. I believe with perfect faith that this Torah will not be exchanged, and that there will never be any other Torah from the Creator, Blessed be His Name.( this is another slight add on from me - after the torah was the Quran - according to my belief to confirm and consolidate all the scriptured given to us by God - Blessed be his name)
10. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, knows all the deeds of human beings and all their thoughts, as it is written, "Who fashioned the hearts of them all, Who comprehends all their actions" (Psalms 33:15).
11. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, rewards those who keep His commandments and punishes those that transgress them.
12. I believe with perfect faith in the coming of the Messiah; and even though he may tarry, nonetheless, I wait every day for his coming. ( Everything is in accordance with the will of God - Blessed be His name - in the right time according to how God wills it to be)
13. I believe with perfect faith that there will be a revival of the dead at the time when it shall please the Creator, Blessed be His name, and His mention shall be exalted for ever and ever.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthodox_Judaism
Now with all of this covered as basic, why then cant we get along? really the human being is warped, filled with hate and mistrust.... May God - Blessed be His name, help and guide us all to his path,
my view from so far is that there is a fundamental truth and fundamental laws/statements - but also there are opinions that may not be correct and logic that may not be truly founded - one thing is true for me though above anything/everything else - that God is one - The worship of God is about God - not about any prophet, messenger, rabbi or priest - Worshipping God is about a connection that each person has to make themselves - no one can do this for you - no priest, rabbi or imam can guide you or pray for you or establish a link to God for you - each soul has to do that for themselves..
Now how are these statements different to that which i believe in? tell me.....
1. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, is the Creator and Guide of everything that has been created; He alone has made, does make, and will make all things.
2. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, is One, and that there is no unity in any manner like His, and that He alone is our God, who was, and is, and will be.
3. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, has no body, and that He is free from all the properties of matter, and that there can be no (physical) comparison to Him whatsoever.
4. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, is the first and the last.
5. I believe with perfect faith that to the Creator, Blessed be His Name, and to Him alone, it is right to pray, and that it is not right to pray to any being besides Him.
6. I believe with perfect faith that all the words of the prophets are true.
7. I believe with perfect faith that the prophecy of Moses our teacher, peace be upon him, was true, and that he was the chief of the prophets, both those who preceded him and those who followed him.(i dont know anything of chieftancy title but i believe in all the prophets and messengers from God and i seek not to differentiate amongst any of them, they were all messengers according to how God wanted them to be (this is how i feel that some people hang onto muhammed titling him the seal of prophets and how some people hang onto jesus as well)
8. I believe with perfect faith that the entire Torah that is now in our possession is the same that was given to Moses our teacher, peace be upon him. ( if i am honest i cant be sure of that becayuse i feel that human beings - such as they are always seek to add to things they they should not)
9. I believe with perfect faith that this Torah will not be exchanged, and that there will never be any other Torah from the Creator, Blessed be His Name.( this is another slight add on from me - after the torah was the Quran - according to my belief to confirm and consolidate all the scriptured given to us by God - Blessed be his name)
10. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, knows all the deeds of human beings and all their thoughts, as it is written, "Who fashioned the hearts of them all, Who comprehends all their actions" (Psalms 33:15).
11. I believe with perfect faith that the Creator, Blessed be His Name, rewards those who keep His commandments and punishes those that transgress them.
12. I believe with perfect faith in the coming of the Messiah; and even though he may tarry, nonetheless, I wait every day for his coming. ( Everything is in accordance with the will of God - Blessed be His name - in the right time according to how God wills it to be)
13. I believe with perfect faith that there will be a revival of the dead at the time when it shall please the Creator, Blessed be His name, and His mention shall be exalted for ever and ever.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthodox_Judaism
Now with all of this covered as basic, why then cant we get along? really the human being is warped, filled with hate and mistrust.... May God - Blessed be His name, help and guide us all to his path,
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Concept of God
There is beauty in everything, in every thought every difference, every logic, there is wisdom to be learnt.
Wether we accept it or not is irrelevant - what is, is what is - God will always be God - that will never change - however what changes is how we and those of past and future observe Him and accord Him -
The Sikh term for God is Vahigurū and Nānak describes him as niraṅkār (from the Sanskrit nirākārā, meaning formless), akāl (meaning eternal) and alakh (from the Sanskrit alakśya, meaning invisible or unobserved). At the very beginning of the first composition of Sikh scripture is the figure "1" - signifying the unity of God. Nānak's interpretation of God is that of a single, personal and transcendental creator with whom the devotee must develop a most intimate faith and relationship to achieve salvation. Sikhism advocates the belief in one god who is omnipresent and has infinite qualities. This aspect has been repeated on numerous occasions in the Gurū Granth Sāhib and the term ik ōaṅkār signifies this. In the Sikh teachings, there is no gender for God. When translating, the proper meaning cannot be correctly conveyed without using a gender definition, but this distorts the meaning by giving the impression that God is masculine, which is not the message in the original script.
Nānak further emphasizes that a full understanding of God is beyond human beings. However, Nānak also describes God as being not wholly unknowable. God is considered sarav vi'āpak (omnipresent) in all creation and visible everywhere to the spiritually awakened. Nānak stresses that God must be seen from "the inward eye", or the "heart" of a human being - that meditation must take place inwardly to achieve enlightenment progressively. Nānak emphasizes this revelation in creation as crucial, as its rigorous application permits the existence of communication between God and human beings.
Sikhs believe in a single god that has existed from the beginning of time and will survive forever. He/she is genderless, fearless, formless, immutable, ineffable, self-sufficient, not subject to the cycle of birth and death, and omnipotent.
(copied from wikipedia)
How is this different to how i regard God - who i call the Creator, Lord of the universe - there is no difference; however the difference lies in identification(in the form or reverence) with messengers whom God has sent forth with a message, identification with objects (that people designate God to so they can have Him close by not realising that God is all around) -
this world is not too disimilar you know and if we look deep enough, past the surface we will God willing start to glimpse the most basic of all truth, beyond the fabrications and amplicication that the human mind subjects all things to.
i leave you with this thought -
Would you ever elevate your servants/subordinates to the level where they rival you, and to the point that you allow people to pay them as much allegiance as is being paid to you?
kkk
Wether we accept it or not is irrelevant - what is, is what is - God will always be God - that will never change - however what changes is how we and those of past and future observe Him and accord Him -
The Sikh term for God is Vahigurū and Nānak describes him as niraṅkār (from the Sanskrit nirākārā, meaning formless), akāl (meaning eternal) and alakh (from the Sanskrit alakśya, meaning invisible or unobserved). At the very beginning of the first composition of Sikh scripture is the figure "1" - signifying the unity of God. Nānak's interpretation of God is that of a single, personal and transcendental creator with whom the devotee must develop a most intimate faith and relationship to achieve salvation. Sikhism advocates the belief in one god who is omnipresent and has infinite qualities. This aspect has been repeated on numerous occasions in the Gurū Granth Sāhib and the term ik ōaṅkār signifies this. In the Sikh teachings, there is no gender for God. When translating, the proper meaning cannot be correctly conveyed without using a gender definition, but this distorts the meaning by giving the impression that God is masculine, which is not the message in the original script.
Nānak further emphasizes that a full understanding of God is beyond human beings. However, Nānak also describes God as being not wholly unknowable. God is considered sarav vi'āpak (omnipresent) in all creation and visible everywhere to the spiritually awakened. Nānak stresses that God must be seen from "the inward eye", or the "heart" of a human being - that meditation must take place inwardly to achieve enlightenment progressively. Nānak emphasizes this revelation in creation as crucial, as its rigorous application permits the existence of communication between God and human beings.
Sikhs believe in a single god that has existed from the beginning of time and will survive forever. He/she is genderless, fearless, formless, immutable, ineffable, self-sufficient, not subject to the cycle of birth and death, and omnipotent.
(copied from wikipedia)
How is this different to how i regard God - who i call the Creator, Lord of the universe - there is no difference; however the difference lies in identification(in the form or reverence) with messengers whom God has sent forth with a message, identification with objects (that people designate God to so they can have Him close by not realising that God is all around) -
this world is not too disimilar you know and if we look deep enough, past the surface we will God willing start to glimpse the most basic of all truth, beyond the fabrications and amplicication that the human mind subjects all things to.
i leave you with this thought -
Would you ever elevate your servants/subordinates to the level where they rival you, and to the point that you allow people to pay them as much allegiance as is being paid to you?
kkk
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Sunday, 21 November 2010
L'homme propose...... Dieu Dispose....
Ce soir, i feel vulnerable, and sad.
I am letting emotions and my thoughts overwhelm my sense of reasoning.
i understand that in life we all have aspirations, goals, hopes and dreams.
but we only( or in this case i only because i dont know about everyone else, but i do think this is a trait that is shared by everyone) hope and dream for that which is at the end of our noses - we never know how things will "pan out".
i reckon it is a general fact that in life we dare to dream but God makes this a reality
and i reckon it this reality that i am begging my God for.
while it is easy for me to bare my soul and lay out my deepest darkest thoughts and secrets - i reckon i will leave it for my Creator who knowest my anguish and my longings , who knowest my every thought and every action - whether hidden or declared.
Man proposes, God disposes.
This involves trust and acceptance.
Trust that God knows what is best and acceptance that Gods will be done in my life.
It is easy to say that yes i trust, but the "proof is in the pudding". Trust that whatever the circumstances, even if it is a darkest fear turned reality, that i will still always trust in God and accept whatever fate He has ordained for me. - even though a part of me is crying out "God please test me not with a fate that i cannot handle" - coward that i am....."Test me not with a burden that i cannot bare"...
while my mind machinery is going into overdrive, thinking up impossible situations, capitalising on my vulnerability, i have to remind myself that God is always in control.
it is easy to forget that God is in control, especially when there is something that you want so badly. You think that your life will end if you dont have it...... you cannot see past the end of your nose unless you have it, you think your life will be better, everything will fall into place once you have it.!!
but...
sometimes, not everything we wish for is meant to be with us for that time... not everything we wish for is good for us....
firstly this is a lesson for me....
if there is an underlying emotional issue, whatver thing it is will only lift you up for a while and then you descend yet into deeper distress looking for another thing to feel the emotional crutch.
anything in this life is just a posessions and posessions are worthless in the hereafter, the only thing worth value is developing your soul in the path of righteousness
God IS IN control.
I am letting emotions and my thoughts overwhelm my sense of reasoning.
i understand that in life we all have aspirations, goals, hopes and dreams.
but we only( or in this case i only because i dont know about everyone else, but i do think this is a trait that is shared by everyone) hope and dream for that which is at the end of our noses - we never know how things will "pan out".
i reckon it is a general fact that in life we dare to dream but God makes this a reality
and i reckon it this reality that i am begging my God for.
while it is easy for me to bare my soul and lay out my deepest darkest thoughts and secrets - i reckon i will leave it for my Creator who knowest my anguish and my longings , who knowest my every thought and every action - whether hidden or declared.
Man proposes, God disposes.
This involves trust and acceptance.
Trust that God knows what is best and acceptance that Gods will be done in my life.
It is easy to say that yes i trust, but the "proof is in the pudding". Trust that whatever the circumstances, even if it is a darkest fear turned reality, that i will still always trust in God and accept whatever fate He has ordained for me. - even though a part of me is crying out "God please test me not with a fate that i cannot handle" - coward that i am....."Test me not with a burden that i cannot bare"...
while my mind machinery is going into overdrive, thinking up impossible situations, capitalising on my vulnerability, i have to remind myself that God is always in control.
it is easy to forget that God is in control, especially when there is something that you want so badly. You think that your life will end if you dont have it...... you cannot see past the end of your nose unless you have it, you think your life will be better, everything will fall into place once you have it.!!
but...
sometimes, not everything we wish for is meant to be with us for that time... not everything we wish for is good for us....
firstly this is a lesson for me....
if there is an underlying emotional issue, whatver thing it is will only lift you up for a while and then you descend yet into deeper distress looking for another thing to feel the emotional crutch.
anything in this life is just a posessions and posessions are worthless in the hereafter, the only thing worth value is developing your soul in the path of righteousness
God IS IN control.
casserole.... smasherole
so word on th emarket is that i am officially looking for a casserole dish
and i keep seeing ones that are like 50 -100 quid.
are they that expensive?
crikey!!
preferably i need a stoneware one( i just think that this is best) - but i keep seeing cast iron ones.
arrrgh!!
casserole, smasherole...
what do i do?
you know what i will ask my mum for my wedding gift, a kitchen pot set.. casserole, large cooking pots - quality ones.
and what will i get myself, Godwilling a fandabedozy double oven cooker - preferably a gas cooker, a deep chest freezer and a standing fridge freezer, a a wonderful range of cooking utensils.
and i keep seeing ones that are like 50 -100 quid.
are they that expensive?
crikey!!
preferably i need a stoneware one( i just think that this is best) - but i keep seeing cast iron ones.
arrrgh!!
casserole, smasherole...
what do i do?
you know what i will ask my mum for my wedding gift, a kitchen pot set.. casserole, large cooking pots - quality ones.
and what will i get myself, Godwilling a fandabedozy double oven cooker - preferably a gas cooker, a deep chest freezer and a standing fridge freezer, a a wonderful range of cooking utensils.
Friday, 19 November 2010
Thoughts
my Lord admit me a honorable admittance, and let me depart a honorable depature and grant me from Thee a powerful support - i just realised that i admit i dont say this often enough.
the temptation is there to observe prayer/salat as a perfunctory objective - do it and get it done with and move on to something else.
but prayer/salat is more than that, it is a connection to your Creator, it is reaching out and keeping touch with God.
the inspiration to stay and sit and meditate on Gods wonderful attributes is God's gift to us and should not be taken lightly...
it is a habit that i want to develop, but i understand that my difficulties lies with my everyday duties such as job, home, sleep etc
but nevertheless the overiding consensus should be and is that God somes first. i guess it is a learning curve , to remember to sit or stand or lay after prayer/salat to meditate on Gods attributes.
how long is enough? the answer to that is how long is a piece of string...
even after prayer and on your walk back to work, you can still meditate and praise, even on the journey to the bed till you fall asleep, and transcend the glorification of your Lord to everything that you do.
sometimes, i forget that life is a learning curve, it is a growth process, sometimes you grow, sometimes you stay stagnant and sometimes you may regress, but then you can grow again.
surely remember God is able to revive dead lands...
my Lord admit me a honorable admittance and let me depart a honorable depature, and grant me from thee a powerful support - truly i dont say this often enough.
i remember when i first heard it, i was inspired and it gladdened my heart, for me it just clicked, but over the course of these years, i remember it and sometimes i forget.
May my Lord help me to remember and to do better next time.
As always my Lord, inspiration belongs to thee always and forever.
All Praise is Yours, All Authority, All Kingshio and All Glory - in this life and in the hereafter There is no other God but thee. Be Thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord.
the temptation is there to observe prayer/salat as a perfunctory objective - do it and get it done with and move on to something else.
but prayer/salat is more than that, it is a connection to your Creator, it is reaching out and keeping touch with God.
the inspiration to stay and sit and meditate on Gods wonderful attributes is God's gift to us and should not be taken lightly...
it is a habit that i want to develop, but i understand that my difficulties lies with my everyday duties such as job, home, sleep etc
but nevertheless the overiding consensus should be and is that God somes first. i guess it is a learning curve , to remember to sit or stand or lay after prayer/salat to meditate on Gods attributes.
how long is enough? the answer to that is how long is a piece of string...
even after prayer and on your walk back to work, you can still meditate and praise, even on the journey to the bed till you fall asleep, and transcend the glorification of your Lord to everything that you do.
sometimes, i forget that life is a learning curve, it is a growth process, sometimes you grow, sometimes you stay stagnant and sometimes you may regress, but then you can grow again.
surely remember God is able to revive dead lands...
my Lord admit me a honorable admittance and let me depart a honorable depature, and grant me from thee a powerful support - truly i dont say this often enough.
i remember when i first heard it, i was inspired and it gladdened my heart, for me it just clicked, but over the course of these years, i remember it and sometimes i forget.
May my Lord help me to remember and to do better next time.
As always my Lord, inspiration belongs to thee always and forever.
All Praise is Yours, All Authority, All Kingshio and All Glory - in this life and in the hereafter There is no other God but thee. Be Thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord.
Thursday, 18 November 2010
why
sometimes i wonder about life and i ask myself why?
why?
sometimes it makes me question myself and my convictions...
why?
sometimes it makes me question myself and my convictions...
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Winter blues
i have notices something - as the year approaches the end, i get more depressed.
yes i have said it and i accept it i am depressed.
i am having flashes of high highs! and low lows and it is messig up my head.
but nevertheless, Be thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord.. wether i am happy or sad, crying with joy or mad, Let e forever praise thee and Glorify.
yes i have said it and i accept it i am depressed.
i am having flashes of high highs! and low lows and it is messig up my head.
but nevertheless, Be thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord.. wether i am happy or sad, crying with joy or mad, Let e forever praise thee and Glorify.
Sunday, 7 November 2010
help please my Lord
Most Gracious,
i know i should not worry but i guess that i still will.
but this does not mean that i dont trust in thee..
i like to worry because, worry makes me more humble, it makes me more appreciative of thee.
these dreams my lord, they trouble me, they trouble me because it brings up faces of people i have lost trust in, people i prefer to forget..
when i start to see them in my dreams, these old feelings of mistrust surfaces again and it makes me think wrong thoughts and let the imagination of my mind unfold and descend yet into deeper depths.
it does not help that the story surrounding these faces if personal...
Most Gracious, i do trust in thee, i have no choice in this matter neither do i want to have a choice in it.
As you are my creator, you have created me, As you are my Lord, you have total control over my life, As you are my God you are the Best sustainer, Provider and Nourisher.
So i will continually - if thy Grace permits - to ask thee daily, to sustain me, to nourish me and provide for me.
your blessings that are life inspiring, My King, i beg of thee.
in some ways i feel like a failure, like a second rate thing not worthy of your blessings, but then i remember that you have asked us to implore thee, to be appreciative of thee, to remember thee.
These things i seek - if thy Grace permits - to do all my life.
I also remember that you have said your mercy is one of you attributes - so my Lord, i implore thee to have mercy on me and help me.
at the same time, i seek refuge in Thee - my Lord , lest i ask for that of which i have no knowledge but i am confidant that my Lord is good to me and He is in control and knows what is best.
i know i should not worry but i guess that i still will.
but this does not mean that i dont trust in thee..
i like to worry because, worry makes me more humble, it makes me more appreciative of thee.
these dreams my lord, they trouble me, they trouble me because it brings up faces of people i have lost trust in, people i prefer to forget..
when i start to see them in my dreams, these old feelings of mistrust surfaces again and it makes me think wrong thoughts and let the imagination of my mind unfold and descend yet into deeper depths.
it does not help that the story surrounding these faces if personal...
Most Gracious, i do trust in thee, i have no choice in this matter neither do i want to have a choice in it.
As you are my creator, you have created me, As you are my Lord, you have total control over my life, As you are my God you are the Best sustainer, Provider and Nourisher.
So i will continually - if thy Grace permits - to ask thee daily, to sustain me, to nourish me and provide for me.
your blessings that are life inspiring, My King, i beg of thee.
in some ways i feel like a failure, like a second rate thing not worthy of your blessings, but then i remember that you have asked us to implore thee, to be appreciative of thee, to remember thee.
These things i seek - if thy Grace permits - to do all my life.
I also remember that you have said your mercy is one of you attributes - so my Lord, i implore thee to have mercy on me and help me.
at the same time, i seek refuge in Thee - my Lord , lest i ask for that of which i have no knowledge but i am confidant that my Lord is good to me and He is in control and knows what is best.
Friday, 29 October 2010
soooooo blue
It never ceases to escape my notice how this life is ever changing circumstances and journies never stops to make me wonder and ask why oh why oh why!
sometimes i find life hard, difficult and sometimes it is easy and effortless
when i read the quran it also amazes me that some verses that i have read before but never paid attention to and now the ones that come to light and linger in my mind a few moments longer.
i guess this is inspiration, it is funny how before when i used to read the quran way way before, the words just washed over me and now when i read, some words linger on more than others - i have a desire to sit and to note them down with each passing year - to explore my thoughts and my understanding - i started to write write them down but then i just faltered and and became preoccupied with other things... but i guess for me it is a learning curve for it interests me to see how i develop, what my thoughts are and how they change with each reading, each new experience and with each new guidance and inspiration from God.
seemingly so because of the situation that i am in, the ever need that i want to regain that exhuberance as before to attach my nightly devotions as before, never wanting to be short of Gods mercy and guidance....
this life, let me no lie makes me tired, i just feel weary and tired, a part of me wishes to give everything up and a part of me knows that i am that much of a workaholic that i would not know what to do if i did.
i guess it is the weather... its sooo dark and i am feeling blue.
if only i could just say i need to take some time off - if not for my financial obligations i probably would....but as ever it is not a moan or a complain but a passing observation....
but hey look at the brighter side... 2 months to my birthday.. that sure is something to celebrate.... innit..
the approach to the month always depresses me.. because i start to evaluate my life and i ask myself - how true have i been to myself in that what i want to achieve, how true have i been to my God, and i ask myself if i were to die now, what do i have to show my God...
the last couple of times that i asked myself - the answer was nothing... and if i am honest i will always say nothing....
what do i hav to show for 30 odd years - i have forsaken my God so many times, but my God has never forsaken me... he has been soooooo good to me, every so nice and Merciful and kind as well even when i never deserved it...i have done things that were unbecoming of one whos heart yearns to be at peace with her creator, who hearts feels at most happy when she is singing and rejoicing at the wonders of her Lord... i the coward that i am, have in the past felt embarassed to worship..
but i can say that now God willing i am getting better - i always tell myself to be true to myself, never to lie to myself, and with that i gain a better understanding of myself and what makes me err, and i know what to stay away from and what to move closer to, to help my soul develop.
at the start of each new year, i get into a rut with my prayers - i basically forget to wake up for morning prayers - and this has happened the last 2 years - also when the time changes the same thing happenes for about a week intermitently.. so i know it is an issue so it is something i have to look out for...
i know that when it is nearer the time for my mum to travel we would have a big big arguement --as i grow up i ask God to help me with my conduct with both my parents,... to help me not to say uff.. but to say what i want to say and to leave it at that - i learn that there is no point getting upset if people say things that i dont like or dont agree with - ( but i do have to admit that sometimes shouting does seem to release some stress) in any case i learn to accept people more and understand that i am not in control of anything...
my relationship with my brother can never be lovey dovey - because i do not like him at all as a person. i do not like the way( my opinion) that he treats people, that he manipulates and runs away from his responsibilities.. i also dont like the fact that my mum is partial with him that with any of her children - he can get away with murder but the rest of us wont... ( there is a hint of jealousy there)
i understand that i am using shopping as an emotional crutch. this is very bad i agree but God willing it will get better.
i understand that whether i like it or not my heart will forever be devoted to God. and thank God i am glad that i like it.
so maany learning.....
sometimes i find life hard, difficult and sometimes it is easy and effortless
when i read the quran it also amazes me that some verses that i have read before but never paid attention to and now the ones that come to light and linger in my mind a few moments longer.
i guess this is inspiration, it is funny how before when i used to read the quran way way before, the words just washed over me and now when i read, some words linger on more than others - i have a desire to sit and to note them down with each passing year - to explore my thoughts and my understanding - i started to write write them down but then i just faltered and and became preoccupied with other things... but i guess for me it is a learning curve for it interests me to see how i develop, what my thoughts are and how they change with each reading, each new experience and with each new guidance and inspiration from God.
seemingly so because of the situation that i am in, the ever need that i want to regain that exhuberance as before to attach my nightly devotions as before, never wanting to be short of Gods mercy and guidance....
this life, let me no lie makes me tired, i just feel weary and tired, a part of me wishes to give everything up and a part of me knows that i am that much of a workaholic that i would not know what to do if i did.
i guess it is the weather... its sooo dark and i am feeling blue.
if only i could just say i need to take some time off - if not for my financial obligations i probably would....but as ever it is not a moan or a complain but a passing observation....
but hey look at the brighter side... 2 months to my birthday.. that sure is something to celebrate.... innit..
the approach to the month always depresses me.. because i start to evaluate my life and i ask myself - how true have i been to myself in that what i want to achieve, how true have i been to my God, and i ask myself if i were to die now, what do i have to show my God...
the last couple of times that i asked myself - the answer was nothing... and if i am honest i will always say nothing....
what do i hav to show for 30 odd years - i have forsaken my God so many times, but my God has never forsaken me... he has been soooooo good to me, every so nice and Merciful and kind as well even when i never deserved it...i have done things that were unbecoming of one whos heart yearns to be at peace with her creator, who hearts feels at most happy when she is singing and rejoicing at the wonders of her Lord... i the coward that i am, have in the past felt embarassed to worship..
but i can say that now God willing i am getting better - i always tell myself to be true to myself, never to lie to myself, and with that i gain a better understanding of myself and what makes me err, and i know what to stay away from and what to move closer to, to help my soul develop.
at the start of each new year, i get into a rut with my prayers - i basically forget to wake up for morning prayers - and this has happened the last 2 years - also when the time changes the same thing happenes for about a week intermitently.. so i know it is an issue so it is something i have to look out for...
i know that when it is nearer the time for my mum to travel we would have a big big arguement --as i grow up i ask God to help me with my conduct with both my parents,... to help me not to say uff.. but to say what i want to say and to leave it at that - i learn that there is no point getting upset if people say things that i dont like or dont agree with - ( but i do have to admit that sometimes shouting does seem to release some stress) in any case i learn to accept people more and understand that i am not in control of anything...
my relationship with my brother can never be lovey dovey - because i do not like him at all as a person. i do not like the way( my opinion) that he treats people, that he manipulates and runs away from his responsibilities.. i also dont like the fact that my mum is partial with him that with any of her children - he can get away with murder but the rest of us wont... ( there is a hint of jealousy there)
i understand that i am using shopping as an emotional crutch. this is very bad i agree but God willing it will get better.
i understand that whether i like it or not my heart will forever be devoted to God. and thank God i am glad that i like it.
so maany learning.....
ps: i have a million and one things that i have to br grateful to God for, and my Lord let me not say that i fall unappreciative of your blessings on me. My Lord i am grateful indeed i am.. when i consider what you have given me and when i consider others,, i see and know that my Lord is indeed good to me...
Monday, 18 October 2010
downcast
I don't know how to describe how I am feeling rght now.
I feel all worn out, spent and tired... I cannot seem to shake this feeling of tearful sorrow...
I can't seem to hold back my tears.... I juust want to cry and let it out of my system.... But let what out? I don't know....
I feel soooooo alone but I try to remember..... Wa huwa aynamakuntu wa llahu bima ta'malua nbasir....
He is with you wherever you may be, God is seeer of everything....
In my time of despair and in times of joy, may my Lord hold me close and near...
Today at work I have to acknowledge My Lord - and to many an elegant praise I have never deserved my Lord has given currency onto me... I an grateful Most Gracious for your provision and Give all thanks to thee. May
I feel all worn out, spent and tired... I cannot seem to shake this feeling of tearful sorrow...
I can't seem to hold back my tears.... I juust want to cry and let it out of my system.... But let what out? I don't know....
I feel soooooo alone but I try to remember..... Wa huwa aynamakuntu wa llahu bima ta'malua nbasir....
He is with you wherever you may be, God is seeer of everything....
In my time of despair and in times of joy, may my Lord hold me close and near...
Today at work I have to acknowledge My Lord - and to many an elegant praise I have never deserved my Lord has given currency onto me... I an grateful Most Gracious for your provision and Give all thanks to thee. May
Sunday, 17 October 2010
God is and will always be in control
sometimes i have to keep reminidng myself that God is in control every day and in each every way..
i guess it is with practice that it embedds in my psyche,
i agree and i acknowledge that this fact is true - God is in control..
its just sometimes, i let wishful thinking and unbecoming thoughts overcloud my processes, and i feel sad and downcast..
its that old age demon - why me!! why me!! but i realise after thought( thank God for this) that everything is as it should be, everything is the way God meant it to be.. that i should not worry over things that i have no control over....
that if i have a wish, a desire or a longing, i should put it before the Most Gracious and trust that the best outcome will suffice..
thinking like this makes me feel better and makes me realise how me and whatever issues i may have are so insignificant when compared to the world and its goings on...
i remember from the scripture a befitting prayer - My Lord i seek refuge with thee lest i ask for that of which i have no knowledge and unless you have mercy on me and forgive me, i shall indeed be lost... ( this is how i remember it, not word for word, )
so the case is the same, my Lord, i have asked thee for so many things, and i put all before thee, all my aspirations, all my longings, my wishes and my future and i ask thee to oversee them for me...
Provide me O lord with all the good provisions from thee in this life and in the hereafter - inspiration, forgiveness, mercy, support, help, assistance, blessings, kindness, - all in this life and the hereafter..You are my Lord, the Best Provider.
as it is on my lips Most Gracious, One family devoted to thee alone, worshipping thee alone and holding on to thee alone, Guide us O Lord , provide for us, assist us, help and support us, forgive us and redeem us, in this life and in the hereafter. Be you Glorified, Most Gracious Lord.
i guess it is with practice that it embedds in my psyche,
i agree and i acknowledge that this fact is true - God is in control..
its just sometimes, i let wishful thinking and unbecoming thoughts overcloud my processes, and i feel sad and downcast..
its that old age demon - why me!! why me!! but i realise after thought( thank God for this) that everything is as it should be, everything is the way God meant it to be.. that i should not worry over things that i have no control over....
that if i have a wish, a desire or a longing, i should put it before the Most Gracious and trust that the best outcome will suffice..
thinking like this makes me feel better and makes me realise how me and whatever issues i may have are so insignificant when compared to the world and its goings on...
i remember from the scripture a befitting prayer - My Lord i seek refuge with thee lest i ask for that of which i have no knowledge and unless you have mercy on me and forgive me, i shall indeed be lost... ( this is how i remember it, not word for word, )
so the case is the same, my Lord, i have asked thee for so many things, and i put all before thee, all my aspirations, all my longings, my wishes and my future and i ask thee to oversee them for me...
Provide me O lord with all the good provisions from thee in this life and in the hereafter - inspiration, forgiveness, mercy, support, help, assistance, blessings, kindness, - all in this life and the hereafter..You are my Lord, the Best Provider.
as it is on my lips Most Gracious, One family devoted to thee alone, worshipping thee alone and holding on to thee alone, Guide us O Lord , provide for us, assist us, help and support us, forgive us and redeem us, in this life and in the hereafter. Be you Glorified, Most Gracious Lord.
Sunday, 3 October 2010
!!!
tonight i ask myself, why is it that the people who claim to be righteous or who are intent and so passionate about atatining righteousness, seems to be the ones, who dont show tolerance, understanding and patience.....
yo uknwo it is very easy to point fingers and disregard people because of religious beliefs, all in the name of righteousness, but i reckon that is not the way it should be...
why do people think that worshipping God is a one process thing.... i dont think there is one way to God, rather i think there are many ways to God.....the most important thing thought is to worship God alone devoting worship to him alone....
whosoever volunteers more righteous works to God, God for him, remember at least that we should race to righteousness....... it is not a one glove fits all... there are many paths to god but the key to opening this path is recognising that there is only one God and whatever worship practice it must be devoted to God alone.....
God surely knows those in the right path, we only pray that God includes us with the righteous...
this vjust perplexes me.... its like someone telling me, that when i refer to God, i should only call him Allah and not the Most Gracious for instance....... logic like that for me is ludicurous.....
i would rather answer back and say - to you is yours and to me is mine... after all, God knows my intentions...
we as humans worry too much over people and their directionthat we fail to grasp that all important thing... - we cannot guide anyone, God is in charges of all our guidance... we think that by ostracising people we can force them to rethink, we justify being nasty, rude because we think that we are defending God..... but we forget, God is in no need of our defence.. We are only defending ourselves, our positions.... not God.....
belief in God/righteousness for me does not mean a disregard of your fellow person, one whom you had spoken with before in kindess and love an djust because they see things in a different light, you criticise and be ride and insult.... that for me is not an example of righteousness.... regardless of who started what first, it doesnt mean that you should retaliate.....
in anycase - you can see that i am talking about a specific thing here - and my last thought on the issue is to delete and block eveything. God is sufficient for me, God is the one who guides.... i am ashamed to be associated with these people, seeing as their conduct, their divisive nature and ego positions are for me quite evident...
tolerance is not accepting bad behaviour but rather understanding that people come from different background an dhave difference approaches and logic... We look to God to help us to learn from what/where is important and useful and disregard the rest that are not useful.......
yo uknwo it is very easy to point fingers and disregard people because of religious beliefs, all in the name of righteousness, but i reckon that is not the way it should be...
why do people think that worshipping God is a one process thing.... i dont think there is one way to God, rather i think there are many ways to God.....the most important thing thought is to worship God alone devoting worship to him alone....
whosoever volunteers more righteous works to God, God for him, remember at least that we should race to righteousness....... it is not a one glove fits all... there are many paths to god but the key to opening this path is recognising that there is only one God and whatever worship practice it must be devoted to God alone.....
God surely knows those in the right path, we only pray that God includes us with the righteous...
this vjust perplexes me.... its like someone telling me, that when i refer to God, i should only call him Allah and not the Most Gracious for instance....... logic like that for me is ludicurous.....
i would rather answer back and say - to you is yours and to me is mine... after all, God knows my intentions...
we as humans worry too much over people and their directionthat we fail to grasp that all important thing... - we cannot guide anyone, God is in charges of all our guidance... we think that by ostracising people we can force them to rethink, we justify being nasty, rude because we think that we are defending God..... but we forget, God is in no need of our defence.. We are only defending ourselves, our positions.... not God.....
belief in God/righteousness for me does not mean a disregard of your fellow person, one whom you had spoken with before in kindess and love an djust because they see things in a different light, you criticise and be ride and insult.... that for me is not an example of righteousness.... regardless of who started what first, it doesnt mean that you should retaliate.....
in anycase - you can see that i am talking about a specific thing here - and my last thought on the issue is to delete and block eveything. God is sufficient for me, God is the one who guides.... i am ashamed to be associated with these people, seeing as their conduct, their divisive nature and ego positions are for me quite evident...
tolerance is not accepting bad behaviour but rather understanding that people come from different background an dhave difference approaches and logic... We look to God to help us to learn from what/where is important and useful and disregard the rest that are not useful.......
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