Ce soir, i feel vulnerable, and sad.
I am letting emotions and my thoughts overwhelm my sense of reasoning.
i understand that in life we all have aspirations, goals, hopes and dreams.
but we only( or in this case i only because i dont know about everyone else, but i do think this is a trait that is shared by everyone) hope and dream for that which is at the end of our noses - we never know how things will "pan out".
i reckon it is a general fact that in life we dare to dream but God makes this a reality
and i reckon it this reality that i am begging my God for.
while it is easy for me to bare my soul and lay out my deepest darkest thoughts and secrets - i reckon i will leave it for my Creator who knowest my anguish and my longings , who knowest my every thought and every action - whether hidden or declared.
Man proposes, God disposes.
This involves trust and acceptance.
Trust that God knows what is best and acceptance that Gods will be done in my life.
It is easy to say that yes i trust, but the "proof is in the pudding". Trust that whatever the circumstances, even if it is a darkest fear turned reality, that i will still always trust in God and accept whatever fate He has ordained for me. - even though a part of me is crying out "God please test me not with a fate that i cannot handle" - coward that i am....."Test me not with a burden that i cannot bare"...
while my mind machinery is going into overdrive, thinking up impossible situations, capitalising on my vulnerability, i have to remind myself that God is always in control.
it is easy to forget that God is in control, especially when there is something that you want so badly. You think that your life will end if you dont have it...... you cannot see past the end of your nose unless you have it, you think your life will be better, everything will fall into place once you have it.!!
but...
sometimes, not everything we wish for is meant to be with us for that time... not everything we wish for is good for us....
firstly this is a lesson for me....
if there is an underlying emotional issue, whatver thing it is will only lift you up for a while and then you descend yet into deeper distress looking for another thing to feel the emotional crutch.
anything in this life is just a posessions and posessions are worthless in the hereafter, the only thing worth value is developing your soul in the path of righteousness
God IS IN control.
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