psychadelic trips......

a funny thought just crossed my mind.....
What if....
What if...........
What if the hindus are are part of Quraysh tribe?
Part of those who used to live in mecca in those days?
what if they emigrated from arabia, to persia to the indian continent?
what if then?
hmmmmmmm, funny htoughts on a psychadelic morning...

As I implore thee Still, I shall not despaIr

Yesterday night is still a blur, i am not sure what was happening there.... I am not sure who i spoke to, what i said or the nature of why i was speaking with that person...

in anycase there is a season for everything just as there is a reason for everything...
but it made me ask myself, what have i done O lord, why me...
it feels like punishment to me..like as if i am forever doomed...
but i try to despair not...
i remember just recently to quran study, we were looking at chapter 19 - and in it we see mary almost sucumbing to the despair and grieving at the tghought of giving birth.. where in her Lord quickly came to her rescue and provided her with a stream and dates to eat..

i also remember job... who despite his trials and tribulations stuck fast to His Lord..
I remember just recently, joseph, who despite his treatment at the hands of his brothers and his time in jail, still hung to His Lord..
lets not forget jonah, who in thebelly of the fish cried out to his Lord

those were people long before my time...
then i look at me, Lord...
in all perspective, i say that my sins do outweigh me and of that i have no arguements in whatever judgement you want to prescribe for me... i have no counter arguements or justifications...
but as such is the human mind that i start to think, God...look at other people, who have maybe done far worse than me... but then I am reminded my myself that fingers are not equal, and i cant judge my life/sins/intentions on the face of others....

but as such is my affliction and i ask..... God, is this how my life is going to end up... but then i am reminded by myself of the middlke man theory..to stop complaining.. some have it worse than me and surely some have it better...

but as such is my grief and i ask again.... why me O Lord, then i am reminded to remmeber the prayer i make to God that if i am to suffer in this life to gain eternal favour with my Lord in the hereafter then fair enuff. the hereafter is surely the goal that i want so... stick with it...

but as such is my despair and i start to think.....God help me please. For i am not a strong person... rather I am weak and soft hearted.. it is very easy to break me, it is very easy to send me to despair...God help me please.. for i need thy strenght...
i have no complaints against thee.. far from that.. the reverse is actually the case.. but i am still imploring thee inspite and despite...

a friend used to say that - God who made mud to make us dirty is still the same God who privides water to wash and cleanse the dirt away..this gives me solace for I know that God is the provider of all. With Him we find assurance and success.. With Him i find mercy.. Look atthose n history who God has provided wiht his mercy... surely thant Mercy is never endless...Though i am nothing compared to those people and their fetes.. Look at moses, He killed someone.. He implored God to forgive him...
Look at adam and eve, who also implored God to forgive them, Look at sheba, who went back to God after idol worshipping... That gives me hope.. for i look at my sins and i think its not has bad as that.. i think... but in all perspective i dont know.... The human being does not see except what is at his noses tip..

the prayer still goes.. dear lord, Let not my sins and transgressions hinder my prayers from reaching thee..forgive and redeem me...
i need help God for i dont know how much of this i can take...
i feel that i am too trusting and this is turnign out to be my downfall.. i am too gullibile and htis is adding to my grief, is it to bad of me that I am able to Hope that maybe just maybe this is it...
or is it my fault for thinking people can be sincere ...
them i am reminded of my ignorance.....

When it came to me, I came to thee asking Lord was this a sign from you to me...that if it was let it end well, I came tothee and i put it before thee.. so just as well with this course of events I come to thee my Lord and i put it before Thee...

Then i am reminded to remember Most Glorious The Holiest. Lord - of the angels and the spirit - who is firmly established on His throne. no one can hiinder that which God has decreed nor can anyone stop that whiich He has given...

in anycase inspite and despite.. The prayer remains.. My lord keep me praising thee still always....

Why the headache.......

NO PAIN commeth at me,

No struggle, fight or worry

Nothing commeth at me that You are not aware of

As Such, As i implore Thee for thy Mercy

I never despair......

issues

you know what, its probably uncanny and not to disimmilar with other people,

but i hate to leave my house when on my period...

it is now becoming an obsession of some sort...

I hate it when i go to spend a short visit with someone and my period catches up with me...

the whole business of pain, grumpyness, food swings, and the nasty business of disposal...

i can handle that in my own house but to then handle that in someone elses house?

not everyone has a bathroom bin, so you feel like a MUG scoming out with a wrapper, and u have to wash ur hands, preferably after disposal not before... you see its complicated...



i dont want them to see me on all fours doing the doggy walk because that eases my pain, ot for them to catch me slapping mu behind in throes of pain because it loosens its grip will be mortifying....

I am having some real issues....

mummy

this my mum never ceases to amaze me you know....
i know its love and i know its the thought of caring...
but sometimes.....
in anycase dear Lord. the prayer still remains... keep me praising Thee always
let there not be anyone, mother. father, brother, sister, friend, foe, husband, child. spirit, or otherwise...
lete there not be anyone at all that will come between me and Thee.
eep me tied to thee with a bond so tight, Keep in my heart an dmind, your constant praise and devotion.
Help me to serve thee as best as i can.

Family or no family, relationship or no relationship, You are my God, regardless of what anyone does, says or thinks.. You are one God and You decide my path, decree my destiny and guideth me through.

Help me out of here...
In all Things my Lord keep me praising Thee, Glorifying Thee, Exalting Thee.
Most Glorious, Holy Lord,, who else but thee can I ask, who else but thee my guide and stay can be... Through rain or sunshine Abide with me...

childhood memories.. God you are my God

This month at great pains I am remembering this prayer that my dad taught us when we were young..
in remembering and with the passage of time on ones memories i realised that what i am saying in arabic has no semblance to what the real words in arabic are... I am just remembering rhymes of the words that i remembered when i was young.
But I am grateful to God that he has helped me in some magic way get the words of what i want to remember and also get the meaning of the words as well.

it starts with

Allahuma anta Allahu Rabbu Raufu Rrahim
Anta Allahu Arrahman Arrahim
Anta allahu Al-Afeez Al-Mueez
Al-Hayy Al- Qayum Al - Qayim

There is a part missing but it starts Kaf- Ha- Ya- Ain - Sad. I wont embarass myself by saying the rhymes of what i remember..

But it goes on thus

Subbuhun Subbuhun Quddusun Quddusun
Rabbul Malaikatu wa ruhu Alaa -Al-Arshi Istawa
La dafi 'a lima qada wa la mani'a lima a'taa
Yaf'aly man yuridu fi mulkihi
Wa yahkumu fi khalqihi bima yashau
Wa huwa ala killy shayin Qadir.

Meaning as thus

God you are my God, The Compassionate and Merciful Lord
You are my God, The Most Gracious and Merciful.
You are my God,The Preserver, The Honourer
The Ever Living, The Self Subsisting, The Sustainer

the middle part is missing..

Most Glorious Most Glorious, The Holiest The Holiest
Lord of the angels and the Spirit - Who is firmly established in His Throne
No one hinders what You(God) have decreed and no one prevents what You(God) give
You (God) do what You(God) will in Your dominion and You(God) rule Your creation with whatever You(God) will. You (God) are Omnipotent.

To Thee O Lord belongs all praise,, wether we admit it or Not..

You are God, will always be God and will always remain God.

In this life and in the hereafter.

Be Thou Glorified.. Most Gracious Lord.

mind machinery

Does there ever come a time in ones life when you overhear family members talking about you... that makes you ask yourself.. se my life wo wo reach that stage?

My reply is thus crafted easily...
Dear Lord, Let me hold on to Thee, guide me in your ways, Teach me your truth.. Keep me close to thee. That i may forever plead.. My Lord keep me praising Thee always.

When you hear or think of thinks that maybe are not right to think of that way.. its best ot ask God i feel, to ask God to help you to forget the incident, so that you dont bring it to mind .. so that your imaginations and mind machinery doesnt amplify it more that what it should be...

i have ripped this song from donnie mcclurkin

Hear my earnest pray O Lord
hear my humble cry
precious loving caring Lord
on whom i rely
everloving ever living God
of whom no one can compare
all i ask is that You hear my prayer

Give me strenght Most Gracious Lord
strenght to carry on
lead me by Your Holy word
guide me in Your way
for life is filled with winding turns and I do often loose my way
All i ask is that You lead always

keep me safe from harm O Lord
refuge sought with Thee
give me wisdon, patience too
help me understand
For in life some things may go my way
and some dreams may not come true
All i ask is keep me praising Thee.

Hear my humble prayer O Lord
Hear my earnest Cry
Cure my wandering rambling mind
Guide it in your ways
For with thee there's success, peace and light
With You everything is well
Guide me Lord and keep me me praising Thee

this is my own cry and my own song to my creator...

3 vs 5 part 2

i have been meaning to sit and write the update to this.. but i cant yet find the words and time..
but if i start when net i appear, I know what i want to say..

Salat..3 Vs 5.. rationalising by Adetutu..

When did it strike me, Just last month at the Quran study.. I found an answer to my own question.. cohesiveness is the key... commonality is hidden therein.. The scripture provides insight, its words are enlightening, Understanding comes from God.

remember the elephant story..
take 5 people and blindfold them, gag their noses, and block their ears. Place an elephant in front of them and ask then individually to tell you what they have.

They will each tell you something different to the other because what they have is a part of the picture, They cant see the whole picture.

If you ask them to confer with each other will they then be able to tell you that its an elephant, for in confering and sharing ideas they begin to see the whole picture...

3 vs 5..

also remember, what is not mentioned directly doesnt mean it does not happen.. look at different scenarios. LOGIC becomes reasoning factor. God willing you will arrive at it..

Message to myself

Question: Adetutu what is you?....
Answer: i am a fighter!!

Question: Adetutu, I say what is you?
Answer: I am fighter!!

Question: I no hear you o.. I dey ask you.. what is you Adetutu!!
Answer: I am a fighter,
I am a Fighter,
I am a fighter,
I will not give up,
I am a fighter,
I will not back down,
I am a fighter,
I will try to always remember that I am a fighter.
I will remember thee my Lord.. I am a fighter
I will hold on to thee my Lord, I am a fighter
Your mercy is forever at Hand and I am a fighter
I cannot give up..I am a fighter

Remember.. God has decreed that Mercy his His attribute.. Let that be a word of consolation for you. Rememeber to Implore God, Hold on, stay on and hold strong. Adetutu, You are a fghter.
Look at where you have come from and look how far you have come. Never in your wildest dreams did you think that you would listen to your hearts calling... never did you imagine that you would try to stay true to your hearts calling.. Remember there are always two ways to look at things..
1, the way you think it is
2, the way it actually is.

What you may think may not be the way it is,, exercise patience, be steadfast and hold on to God.
your weird uncanny sense of rationalising things is a blessing from God, for it gives you an alternative insight in how things may be.. Dont loose Hope... God is forever near, His mercies are endless and His forgiveness is overwhelming and His blessings a sweet release.. Dont loose Hope!!!
Always remember, Adetutu, that YOU ARE A FIGHTER...

HOPE is the last thing that dies with man!!

I am reading this article now and i thought i would share it with you.
what got me to this page.. well, I was googling the word i remember reading from the scripture.." none despairs of his Gods mercy" or someting thereabouts.

this is the site i got it from: http://www.usn2161.net/hope.html


Hope is a "meaning", any meaning we feel with our hearts comes directly from God.

God says that the strayers don't have Hope! why?
Because the next step in Satan's path after Fear is Despair.

For example, a bussinessman loses all his money suddenly in a fire, what is he to do now?
It is just a test from God. There are two paths, two choices are made available for him.

The first is to Accept God's will, and understand that nothing actually belonged to him, it all belonged to God,
and therefore no need to worry or grieve, this is God's inspiration (through the angels).
He should then ask God alone for help and mercy, repent from all his past transgressions, and pledge to God
that he will do his best to stay on the balanced straight path. He should do this in full conviction that God is
indeed Capable of recompensing him with twice as much wealth as he once had, this is what is called Hope,
hope for God's forgivness and mercy.

The second path is Satan's, he will whisper to the guy his evil whipers (through the Jinns), he will tell him that
"IT'S OVER!", he will exaggerate the problem and its complications in his mind, throwing him in the deep darkness of despair!
Satan will lie to him that "There is no way out this time!", that it is Impossible to get his business back on track again!
Satan will tell him that soon he will have to face the shame of poverty, and need, and all his family, friends and
business partners will look down at him now that he has no money!, this ofcourse if accepted by the poor guy would
induce a state of fear in his mind or what some call "Trauma", this fear, worry and eventually despair lead some even to
commit suicide to escape from the nightmare!, and if he didn't kill himself, he would seek illegal ways to get back his business. Either way Satan would have accomplished his goal of turning the man unappreciative of God, and totally preoccupied with the material idols, seeking help from them instead of God!

God repeatedly in His Quran has stressed on the fact that the believers in Him alone, shall never suffer any worry, grief or despair.

The believers acknowledge and readily accept God's will, they steadfastly endure disasters.

[2:155] We will surely test you through some fear, hunger, and loss of money, lives, and crops. Give good news to the steadfast.
[2:156] When an affliction befalls them, they say, "We belong to GOD, and to Him we are returning."
[2:157] These have deserved blessings from their Lord and mercy. These are the guided ones.

The believers know that everything comes from God, however the cause of bad things happening is them accepting Satan's invitaion, that's why they immediately repent, reform and ask God for forgivness.

[4:78] Wherever you are, death will catch up with you, even if you live in formidable castles. When something good happens to them, they say, "This is from GOD," and when something bad afflicts them, they blame you. Say, "Everything comes from GOD." Why do these people misunderstand almost everything?
[4:79] Anything good that happens to you is from GOD, and anything bad that happens to you is from you. We have sent you as a messenger to the people, and GOD suffices as witness.

This is the straight path, Hope comes from God alone, whoever wants it should seek it at Him. Nothing has any power to harm, save or benefit us, only God can. If we remember this in times of disasters, no fear, worry, grief or despair can afflict us God willing.

[15:56] He said, "None despairs of his Lord's mercy, except the strayers."

Never despair

[39:53] Proclaim: "O My servants who exceeded the limits, never despair of GOD's mercy. For GOD forgives all sins. He is the Forgiver, Most Merciful."

[12:87] "O my sons, go fetch Joseph and his brother, and never despair of GOD's grace. None despairs of GOD's grace except the disbelieving people."

God forgives and recompenses

[42:28] He is the One who sends down the rain after they had despaired, and spreads His mercy. He is the only Master, Most Praiseworthy.

Things are impossible only when we depend on a thing or a person for help, and because the creatures themselves are powerless, they cannot help us and therefore trigerred by Satan, we resort to despair and the "impossible" mentality. Even the most "incurable" disease in the world is easy for God to cure!

Nothing is impossible, all power belongs to God alone

[2:165] Yet, some people set up idols to rival GOD, and love them as if they are GOD. Those who believe love GOD the most. If only the transgressors could see themselves when they see the retribution! They will realize then that all power belongs to GOD alone, and that GOD's retribution is awesome.

[22:15] If anyone thinks that GOD cannot support him in this life and in the Hereafter, let him turn completely to (his Creator in) heaven, and sever (his dependence on anyone else). He will then see that this plan eliminates anything that bothers him.

The only way to get rid of worry, fear and despair is GOD ALONE
Let Him be your First Priority, and forget about worry, fear and despair forever!

All it takes is to constantly proclaim that you disbelieve in any inherent power in things or people to harm or benefit you, and that you believe in God alone.


[41:30] Those who proclaim: "Our Lord is GOD," then lead a righteous life, the angels descend upon them: "You shall have no fear, nor shall you grieve. Rejoice in the good news that Paradise has been reserved for you.

Whatever your problem is, however big it seems to be, you should put your trust in God, only Him can help you
To Him belongs all the power in the heavens and the earth, no matter how "impossible to be solved" it may seem, God can solve it, only if you steadfastly persevere and keep holding to the rope of God like Job did.

[38:41] Remember our servant Job: he called upon his Lord, "The devil has afflicted me with hardship and pain."
[38:42] "Strike the ground with your foot. A spring will give you healing and a drink."
[38:43] We restored his family for him; twice as many. Such is our mercy;
a reminder for those who possess intelligence.

Interesting dont you think.....Hope.. the last thing that dies with man... This my mum says a lot...

life feels sooo bleak

I am tired of life.
Tired of working
tired of longing
tired of hoping
I am just plain tired.....

i have no energy left
i feel desolate and alone
i have no fighting spirit left..

in everything i askmyself
what is the situation and how do i feel about it
the situation is thus.. i am alone
and i feel alone...

i seek to thee yet again O lord, as always, as ever..
strenght from Thee which keeps my head up high
words from Thee which enrich and inspire my heart

patience is not a virtue i possess
but patience is one that i seek
still trusting, hoping that maybe just maybe,
Godwilling everything becomes settled for me ...

Thanks with afterthought..

With hindsight and forethought,
one has to be grateful.
For in reality, when i look back
I have due cause to be thankful
Looking at all trials, tests and tribulations
At all joys, successes and happiness
I have more than due cause to be thankful.
so all in all, My dear lord, I give thee all thanks and Praise.

On 05/06/09 i broke down yet again
Fear was lurking in the face of my reality
my Ego was growing in the face of uncertainty
My spirit was flagging amidst all around me..

But in times of fear, or in times of hunger
When my heart longs and when my soul yearns
I still try to hold on to thee my dear lord.

I am grateful for my dear friends...for their kind words of motivation
I am grateful for my dear sister, for keeping reaching out to me
I am grateful Lord for You.. For without you.. I wouldnt have known these dear people
Without you i wouldnt have come this far..
Without You, i wouldnt have survived

Duro Timi Oluwa.. Stay with me O lord

Duro timi Oluwa

Duro timi Oluwa

Omo kekere le mi Ti re La lagbara

Durotimi Oluwa..

Lord God take me by the hand
Lord, God show me where to go
O Lord, Let me not alone - lest i go astray

Be Thou my guardian and my guide and hear me when i call

let not my slippery footstep slide and hold me lest i fall

The world the flesh and satan dwell around the path i tread

Do thou O lord, keep watch within and save my soul from wrong

Still let me ever watch and pray and feel that i am frail

That is the trempter cross my way yet he may not prevail

Lord, thy Word abideth,and our footsteps guideth;
who its truth believeth light and joy receiveth.

When our foes are near us,then thy Word doth cheer us,
Word of consolation,message of salvation.

When the storms are o'er us,and dark clouds before us,
then its light directeth,and our way protecteth.

From me to Thee O Lord, This morning 06/06/09

Shine a light along my way that will lead me to your path

Shine a light for Me O Lord, lead me in Your path

Keep a firm hand on my heart and train it in Your ways

Keep a firm hold on my heart, guide it in Your path

For all Praise, Authority and Kingship is Yours -My Lord

In this life and in the hereafter

Be you Glorified Most Gracious Lord..

05/06/09

i broke down again on this day.. and as yet it still puzzles me...
why did i break down... i guess i had it coming.. the constant rejection letters, the uncertainty with work, the work load, the stagnation and dying emotion at work, the death inducing lack of motivation... everything just culminated in one night...
started on the Thursday night with my weekly rituals and just edged into the day..
i woke up groggy, not with the usual cheer and candour i usually reserve for Friday..
Friday being a day of assembly for me a day of congregation for praise and thanks to the almighty. i did not wear anything nice, just put on some wacky jeans and Hood top.. quite unusual for me on a Friday..
work was just a never endless charade of nodding that i understand even though i was thinking "i don't know jack-shit whist you guys are on about"..

you see for so long holding a facade down, it eventually tells on you..
i am tired, weak and emotionally spent...
i went for my Friday contact and it was during thins that it just hit me... i am tired.. Lord i am tired..
the stupid thing that i am trying to figure out is that if things went my way and i was indulged in every desire and whim and fantasy.. would i be this tired too? in all honesty i guess not..
but as i am now which i have ti admit is the best position for me.. i AM tired.. i have had enough of this life.. its heartaches,, its disappointments, its sufferings and longings.. for a fragile heart like mine and one quite vulnerable its too much for me to bear..
but all in all i cannae complain.. this is my lot in life to deal with and as best as i can i have to deal with it..
people usually take the easy way out and end their life.. but i am too chicken and I AM A FIGHTER..gw i will not let this get me down but i will strive to hold on to thee O lord and still hang in there..
hopefully by your grace you i Will attract your mercy and i will find ease for My heart..
patience is what i guess you are trying o teach me but the human being is impatient..
this is ever more so true for me adetutu..
i am impatient i want it now. this instant.. as i visualise it.. but i guess life aint like that..
my wantings pay no heed to tomorrows obstacles.. it does not consider foreseeable future nor plan that far ahead it only wants now..
God willing God willing..i keep telling myself..
But i am tired...
the only things that edges me on is that my works have nothing to show for itself other than my heart and as simple as that may be.. i have always run from it.. but i choose to run no more and i choose to confront.. God willing God willing i shall win this battle of mine..
This internal battle. God willing.. By my Lords leave, By the grace and authority of God my Lord, My God, My Creator....