an uncanny thought

in the quest to want to know everything, we sometimes loose sight of the very thing that is important...
the more we know, the less we realise..

23 september

exactly 3 months to my birthday...
the 23rd September is a date i want to forget but i find it hard to..
it is getting easier and better for in the sorrow i saw a blessing...
remember in order to gain one must loose..
I lost on that that and I gained at the same time..
when ii was young i used to say to myself.. in a way sort of preempt what was going to happen..
i used to have this notion that this thing will be a test for me... and what would i do.. would i stand and deliver or would i crumble...
it was tough, i had never felt love like i was loved.. i had never felt friendship like it was given to me..
God God gives and God takes,,, and He knows our tomorrow and our past.. He knows what will and what wont..
yes we probably dabbled in sin.. but it was a lesson to be learnt and indeed i have learnt my lesson...through knowing ,I was able to gain strenght, through inspiration i was able to find my calling..
it was a shame that we both had different views on the faith thing...
My God is one God, The initiator of the heavens and earths and everything between as such is the ethos of my Life.. and God willing will be forever.

if i said i didn't know what pain was , I would be lying,, cos i felt loss and i was in pain.. everyday for 2 years i cried, it wasn't until early this year that i started being better and i was able to say that i was healing...

and then, so much has gone under the water, my childishness, selfishness and stubbornness did not help me at all...

today i am reminded of it again, and i feel sad...
God i am not a hopeless case am I?
in any case remember
My Lord provides for whomever He wills, He is the best Provider.
Nothing that God willed to be Can be stopped by any force neither can anything God wills to avert can be put in place by anyone.
Gods time is the best, everything in this life after all is fickle and child's play, What matters the most is my soul and attaining righteousness and the worship/praise of my God to the best of my ability..
God guide me and keep me in his path firmly.

My Lord regardless the circumstances, whether it goes my way or not, My Lord regardless the heartache or pain, Keep me near to thee, praising thee, glorifying thee,
In times of jubilation and in times if tribulations, Met me always praise thee, For in every sorrow we as humans feel is a blessing that we dont realise...

sunday 20/09/2009

today my Lord i feel i am failing..
Its like i am loosing touch with you..
the present situation does not help...
the selfish does not help
The hurt feelings does not help
the jealousy and hate does not help at allllllllll
Lord I feel like I am failing Thee..
I ask of thee to keep hold of me, and not to let me descend down the spiral stairs..
to keep me firm..
I ask of thee lord, Keep this evil temptation away from me and keep me away from it...
it is eating inside me...
Lord take Hold....
Protect me from blaspheming against thee...
Please do not condemn me if i forget or make a mistake but show me and teach me what is right
Inspire me to do that which is right and set me in your path O lord..
Keep me in thy path O lord...

Take hold of me O lord, do not let my misforture lead me to sin against thee..
Take Hold of me o Lord....
Master of my fate and freedom...
Please please please give me an exit.....
please please create for me an exit...
an exit away from all this....
Take Old of me O lord.. let me not alone.. lest i go astray...

Prayer

You know, each time i read this verse I again and again ask myself the same question...
*How does one call on God a secret call?*

the verse is Surah 19 Verse 3.

It starts.. In the name of God Most Gracious Most Merciful,
1)KHYAS
2)A narration about your Lord;s mercy towards His servant Zachariah
3)He called his Lord a secret call.....

in my heady thinking, I am maybe thinking.. if i too could call on God a secret call.. maybe... just maybe...

A secret call... Is that a call from the soul to its creator,
A secret call... Is that a call on a particular night
A secret call... How can I call on God a secret call....

if i were to call on God a secret call... what would I say?

My Lord, Master of my fate and freedom, My soul feels weary and my spirit is flagging, but as I implore Thee I shall not despair.. My Lord, I am tired and i feel lonely but I console myself that you are with me where i may be, My Lord, I need thy help and I need your support, If i hold onto thee i will not fail.. My Lord grant me righteousness in this life and in the hereafter, My Lord forgive me and redeem me. My Lord, protect me from blaspheming against thee My Lord have mercy on mee. My Lord keep me away from sin and keep sin away from me,My Lord you are redeemer and You answer all prayers...My Lord, increase in my praise and augument more faith for me, My Lord guide me in Your path. My Lord, keep hold of me and shine your Light for me, My Lord, Let me not fall to temptation. My Lord Master of my fate and destiny, One who knowest my starvation and sees my hunger, My Lord, do not forsake me, keep me in your service, My Lord tie me to thee with a bond so tight, My Lord do not grant me an escape..
My Lord, inspire me with your words and motivate me in your Service, You are my God, you are my Lord, My Lord you answer all prayers. I have called to thee o Lord, and I leave my soul in your care, I place before thee my hopes and dreams, My aspirations and longings, You know what is best for me. you know my future you know my past, Lead me in righteousness o Lord.
Provide for me O lord, all the good things from thee, grant me steadfastness, Protect me O LORD from blashpeming against thee. My Lord you alons are the best Provider, My Lord you answer all prayers. Whenever i feel Lonely help me to remember thee, and to hold on to thee, to praise thee, as such that the lonliness disappears,,,What ever my circumstances O LORD, KEEP ME PRAISING THEE...IF IT GOES MY WAY, Keep me praising Thee, EVEN IF IT DOESNT, Keep me praising Thee. My Lord, make me one who consistently observes her salat to thee and hwo consisistently gives her zakat, My Lord augument more faith for me. Include me with thy righteous servants, Grant me paradise My Lord. My Lord you answer all prayers.

Praise to be to God, Lord of the Universe

My Lord does indeed give me words with which to Praise Him
I am drawn to inspiration of Praise to my Lord this night when i remember something i wrote on the 24th of June 2009


Allahuma anta allahu
anta Arrhamu rahimeen
Anta Khayru RaziQeen
anta Gafuru Raheem
Anta tawabbu Raheem
Anta Samiu Basirru
Subhanaka Lahuma rabbil a'lamin

God you are my God
of all merficul you are the Most Merciful
You are the Best Provider
You are the Forgiver Most Merciful
You are the Redeemer Most Merciful
You are the Seer The Hearer
Be you Glorified my God, Lord of the Universe

My Lord increase in my heart your praise and devotion

Let my mind , my heart and thoughts be filled with praise for Thee

For all praise is yours, All Authority Kingship and Glory

In this life and in the hereafter

There is no other God but Thee

Be Thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord

Prayer in unsusal circumstances

the last time i went to london, i was not able to do my prayers. but i was consoled by the fact that in unsual circumstances i could say my prayers..
the verse was: 2:239

but i wa snot sure if i was going it right.. apart from trying to mentally genuflect in my head, - i found that hard to do, i settled on praising God with Al Fatiha and just generally reciting Alhamdullahi/Subhannallahi...

so i set about asking someone what He did, and TG he was able to give me his own view as well as otherw views. so i thought to share it with you..
I have blocked peoples names as i have not saught permission before posting their names...
so forgive me.. the message is as i have recieved it but i leave out the names

start of email:
question : community_discussion@yahoogroups.com 08/03/2004 12:15 ]
"
Salaam All,

My concern today is how to pray in an office ?
I think that I can pray at my desk mentally as suggested by the following verse :

[2:239] Under unusual circumstances, you may pray while walking or riding. Once you are safe, you shall commemorate GOD as He taught you what you never knew.

But when I pray this way, I don't know but I don't really have the feeling that I have correctly performed my contact prayer. The problem is that I work in an office from 9 a.m to 6 p.m and there is no masjid (no mosque following God alone) in the neighbourhood. At the break for lunch, I sometimes managed to pray Noon Prayer in a quiet place on the top floor (no company there). But this is not always possible for Afternoon Prayer. So what would you do ?

Thanks in advance.
*****"
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[ ***** answer : community_discussion@yahoogroups.com 08/03/2004 18:38 ]
"
Salaam alaikum *****,

[29:45] You shall recite what is revealed to you of the scripture, and observe the Contact Prayers (Salat), for the Contact Prayers prohibit evil and vice. But the remembrance of GOD (through Salat) is the most important objective.* GOD knows everything you do.
[20:14] "I am GOD; there is no other god beside Me. You shall worship Me alone, and observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) to remember Me.

These verses tell us that the most important objective of Salat is to remember God. As you pointed out 2:239 suggests that if we have unusual circumstances we can pray at the desk. Not only there is no sin in doing that, but you have fulfilled the most important objective of remembering God.
Naturally, if we had a choice, we'd pray it doing all the movements inshaAllah. Also, it is humans who tend to make things difficult - but God makes the religion easy.

Peace and may God bless
*****"
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[ ***** : community_discussion@yahoogroups.com 10/03/2004 06:02 ]
"
Salaam,

I have trouble with this sometimes too, I feel sometimes im in a car ride perhaps and i cant make it home in time to pray, I do what I can. At work I even take off time to pray. I know God says that you may pray on foot if you need to, but I thought that was during a war? Doesn't God say leave all business to pray? Im not too sure, could someone explain it to me God willing? Thank you
"
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[ ***** answer : community_discussion@yahoogroups.com 08/03/2004 18:38 ]
"
Salaam alaikum,

The unusual circumstances & salat verse is 2:239. Personally, i dont think it's about war. It's any unusual circumstance. Perhaps you're thinking of the verses where it says you may shorten the prayer if you fear the enemy may attack you (4:101). Leaving business is specifically for the Friday Prayer (62:9). Of course - if you have the ability to leave the business and pray regularly during the work week - that's great. All praise be to God. If you cannot - then like you said, you do what best you can given the circumstances - knowing that the purpose of the prayer - is to remember God (29:45, 20:14).
You Shall Observe the Contact Prayers*
[2:238] You shall consistently observe the Contact Prayers, especially the middle prayer, and **devote yourselves totally to GOD**.
[2:239] Under **unusual circumstances**, you may pray while walking or riding. Once you are safe, you shall commemorate GOD as He taught you what you never knew.

God is Merciful. We are not. God makes things easy, we make it harder.

peace and may God bless
*****"
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[ ***** answer : community_discussion@yahoogroups.com 11/03/2004 08:09 ]
"
Salaam alaikum,

God explicitly tells us to drop all business and observe the Friday Prayer in:

62:9
Khalifa
O you who believe, when the Congregational Prayer (Salat Al-Jumu`ah) is announced on Friday, you shall hasten to the commemoration of GOD, and drop all business. This is better for you, if you only knew.

With regard to regular prayers, I look at 62:9 in the light of other verses, including the following:

24:37
Khalifa
People who are not distracted by business or trade from commemorating GOD; they observe the Contact Prayers (Salat), and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and they are conscious of the day when the minds and the eyes will be horrified.

However, I have experienced that there are 2 issues facing anyone who is trying to observe contact prayers at work:

1) Finding and making the time for prayer and still being fair to the employer who is paying for your time,
and
2) Finding a quiet, preferably abandoned place to observe prayer in privacy.

As far as #1 goes, I've never met or heard of an employer who was uncomfortable with an employee's need to pray 5 times a day after they have been given an explination. Just sit down with them and explain that it is a religious requirement, that it does not take more than 5 minutes, which is less than the average bathroom break. Usually they are happy to accomodate and respectful of someone who has the strength of faith to want to observe daily prayers.

#2 may or may not be the more difficult one. Most of the time, in the conversation with the employer, you can request a place that they know of to be empty, or permission to use a storage room or office that is otherwise off limits to most employees, thus giving you privacy. If not, I have used restrooms (with a prayer rug), slightly hidden corridors, break rooms, and even elevators. It has been my experience that God opens a door and makes it easy when you put your mind to it and decide to do something that seems difficult for Him. He makes the religion easy. We make it difficult.

God bless you & make it easy for you,
Peace,
*****"
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"
Salaam *****,
If one has to apply 2:239, how can one perform the salat (i mean without the movements) ? Do we have to recite the key loudly ?

Thanks and God bless you,
*****
"
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"
Salaam *****,

I guess it depends on what the unusual circumstances is, and we have to use our common sense. You can try from silently to loudly based on whether you are with others, such as in a plane, or you are alone. Probably the best thing next to silent recitation is to have your recitation audible to yourself, In any case, God knows our innermost intentions and He never puts any of our righteous works into waste.

Peace and God bless you

*****
"
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From all this, this is what i do : I concentrate to forgot everything around for about 5 mn.
I silently recite the key (to myself... cos i am in an office with other colleagues) and mentally do the movements (i mean bowing, prostration) and all that must be said silently. I repeat this for each rakat and then say the final salaams.

Hope that you will learn something from this :-)

Of course, God knows best. And may He guide us in the right path.
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End of Email

FOr me it is now a bit clearer, God knows my intentions and i do agree with one of the writers, God does find a way and provides a place for one...

TESTIFY.....

Tonight, Today, Forever.. I have to testify..
I testify that There is a GoD
I testify that indeed my God is goooooooood to me
I testify that in His wonderous ways.. Our God is indeed veeeeery Good to me..
Somehow, however ways.. He manifests for me to know.. That HE is in Control... He is always on the look out for me

Wht do i testify?
I had a dream about me in a car driving.. in short it was a weird dream.. that we had an accident, didnt get hurt but a trailer tanker still kep coming for us, like it was definitely going to hurt us.. Then i had another dream... in teh same dream that my back tyres were flat,

And i dont knowwhat made me think of my car but indeed, i needed to put air in my tyres and most importantly...My engine oil level was running on lowest of low....
if my mind didnt go there.. then i would have probably spoiled tonto's engine..

But God is good to me and He is kind to the vehicle He gave me...
He gave me it.. and Gave it to me.. He has overseen us through tough times...
When i was distraught, and i was crying everydy to work and crying everyday back from work..
When i was lonely and i had no strenght left
When i sough solitude and drive longest distances
When i was joyoys and my spirits were lifted
When i was moody and filled with anger..
When i was high and energy levels soaring up
it was me and tonto....
With You - God, overlooking us both..
Many a thanks that you more than deserve but i forget to say to Thee...
But tonight i will not forget, My King....
I testify that God is good...
I testify that God defo!! is merciful...

I say Thanks from tonto and tutu, For your care, attention and Love...
For your mercy and Kindness..
For indeed you are good to us both...

God is seer of all things

I am at pains to try to wrte something.. but the honest truth is that i dont feel anything to write..
my thoughts are not forced and the way i feel is from my heart..

But cos i am not writing doesnt mean that I have forgotten about you...

This ramadan is one interesting one... most certainly not my best.. but nevertheless I thank thee o Lord... i am trying to find motivation to do the night calling..
but its not there... but i try to speak to Thee Lord,.
i like nite time callings.. this is when the soul is at it best....when you are faced bare with all your demons and you have to rise above them to reach out to your Lord....

on thie face of this.. I have to count my blessings... because it is indeed a blessing to be able to do a nite time calling.. for when my soul reaches out to its Lord, when i am unduly filled with Praise and Songs to Glorify my God.. That is when my heart is most happy... For then i know that i am tryly blessed. and in that My heart is secure...

God right now i feel i am falling but then again i dont think i am falling...
But i will reach out to you still and ask Thee not tolet go of me, Butto keep me firmly amd securely within the expanse of your care and attention. to tie me to thee with a bond so tight to keep your praise in my heart day after day, to increase in my devotion for Thee and to inspire me to remember thee always... The solution for that is "Subhanaka lahuma, rabbil alamin"...
"Be you glofied my Lord, Lord of the universe"

I am still battling the same demons, but i have the antedote for that.. "My Lord do not condemn me if i forget or make a mistake, My Lord, protect me from blaspheming against you like others before me have done, My Lord, protect me from sinning until it becomes too late fo rme to repent, My lord redeem me, forgive me, have mercy on me, you are my Lord and master, Grant me victory over the disbelievers" i guess it willforever be a battle, some days i am victorious and some days i dont feel so.. but all in all its a lesson in life for me to learn..

September will always be a touchy month for me for in that i count rememberance...Bu i am a lot better and thank God much more stronger..But if not for your grace i wouldnt be able to accept what iwanted to do.. I would have always run from it or ut it aside for a later date... all in all Lord, I have no complints in my life or in my fate.. I may moan sometimes.. but thats the human nature for you.. to moan, but i am nevertheless grateful for all my trials and tribulations, for all my joys and successes, For all your kind mercies and love and attention, for all the lessons and heartaches...

i may wish for this , I may long fo rthat.. but i never truly know if what i am wishing for or longing for is good for me.. as such Master of my Fate and freedon, I leave my life story up to thee..for Thee to guide me to the straight path and KEEP me in the straight path.

Your will is my comannd, Your direction is my way, Your inspiration to me to keep me company.

Remember the words.. Wa huwa aynama kuntu , wa llahu bima ta'maluma basir.. "God is with you wherever you may be, God is the seer of all things"...

Inspite and despite my Lord... its is still, Subhanaka lahuma, rabbil a'lamin
.......................


Fa ta'ala llahu mulku -ul haqqu.. la illaha illa huwa rabbul arsh-il azeem..
Most exalted/High is God the one true sovereign.. There is no other God apart from Him, the Most honorable Lord, The Most wise

psychadelic trips......

a funny thought just crossed my mind.....
What if....
What if...........
What if the hindus are are part of Quraysh tribe?
Part of those who used to live in mecca in those days?
what if they emigrated from arabia, to persia to the indian continent?
what if then?
hmmmmmmm, funny htoughts on a psychadelic morning...

As I implore thee Still, I shall not despaIr

Yesterday night is still a blur, i am not sure what was happening there.... I am not sure who i spoke to, what i said or the nature of why i was speaking with that person...

in anycase there is a season for everything just as there is a reason for everything...
but it made me ask myself, what have i done O lord, why me...
it feels like punishment to me..like as if i am forever doomed...
but i try to despair not...
i remember just recently to quran study, we were looking at chapter 19 - and in it we see mary almost sucumbing to the despair and grieving at the tghought of giving birth.. where in her Lord quickly came to her rescue and provided her with a stream and dates to eat..

i also remember job... who despite his trials and tribulations stuck fast to His Lord..
I remember just recently, joseph, who despite his treatment at the hands of his brothers and his time in jail, still hung to His Lord..
lets not forget jonah, who in thebelly of the fish cried out to his Lord

those were people long before my time...
then i look at me, Lord...
in all perspective, i say that my sins do outweigh me and of that i have no arguements in whatever judgement you want to prescribe for me... i have no counter arguements or justifications...
but as such is the human mind that i start to think, God...look at other people, who have maybe done far worse than me... but then I am reminded my myself that fingers are not equal, and i cant judge my life/sins/intentions on the face of others....

but as such is my affliction and i ask..... God, is this how my life is going to end up... but then i am reminded by myself of the middlke man theory..to stop complaining.. some have it worse than me and surely some have it better...

but as such is my grief and i ask again.... why me O Lord, then i am reminded to remmeber the prayer i make to God that if i am to suffer in this life to gain eternal favour with my Lord in the hereafter then fair enuff. the hereafter is surely the goal that i want so... stick with it...

but as such is my despair and i start to think.....God help me please. For i am not a strong person... rather I am weak and soft hearted.. it is very easy to break me, it is very easy to send me to despair...God help me please.. for i need thy strenght...
i have no complaints against thee.. far from that.. the reverse is actually the case.. but i am still imploring thee inspite and despite...

a friend used to say that - God who made mud to make us dirty is still the same God who privides water to wash and cleanse the dirt away..this gives me solace for I know that God is the provider of all. With Him we find assurance and success.. With Him i find mercy.. Look atthose n history who God has provided wiht his mercy... surely thant Mercy is never endless...Though i am nothing compared to those people and their fetes.. Look at moses, He killed someone.. He implored God to forgive him...
Look at adam and eve, who also implored God to forgive them, Look at sheba, who went back to God after idol worshipping... That gives me hope.. for i look at my sins and i think its not has bad as that.. i think... but in all perspective i dont know.... The human being does not see except what is at his noses tip..

the prayer still goes.. dear lord, Let not my sins and transgressions hinder my prayers from reaching thee..forgive and redeem me...
i need help God for i dont know how much of this i can take...
i feel that i am too trusting and this is turnign out to be my downfall.. i am too gullibile and htis is adding to my grief, is it to bad of me that I am able to Hope that maybe just maybe this is it...
or is it my fault for thinking people can be sincere ...
them i am reminded of my ignorance.....

When it came to me, I came to thee asking Lord was this a sign from you to me...that if it was let it end well, I came tothee and i put it before thee.. so just as well with this course of events I come to thee my Lord and i put it before Thee...

Then i am reminded to remember Most Glorious The Holiest. Lord - of the angels and the spirit - who is firmly established on His throne. no one can hiinder that which God has decreed nor can anyone stop that whiich He has given...

in anycase inspite and despite.. The prayer remains.. My lord keep me praising thee still always....