night time ramblings

Each time i come to you lord i have words i need to express but i do not know how to express it.
 so many issues i have on my mind and i want to talk to you.. and i do talk to you but i want to keep a log of what i talk to you about so i don't forget any promises or pledges i give on my  behalf.
 -  i need to save money and i need to control my spending.. please lord help me with this
 -  i am hungry for more of your progress and blessing lord i am hungry and  i want your prosperous grace in my life n whatever i do so i can be proud i can sing and i can shout to anyone who engages me to hear how wonderful my lord has been onto me..  i should not feel ashamed i think - for pekingese my lords bounties - i should not be afraid - but i am afraid because too much of anyone thing may lead me away from thee - that is why i ask of thee also that wherever wherever i am  let me never forget to keep praising you.
 -  i want to be able to meditate on your name as before - i know it is harder for me with kids but i still want that part of myself back.. it is there but i want it back
 -  i want to be able to pray without my mind drifting out without my thoughts  drifting.. i just want to be focused on my praise to thee
 - i want to be able to progress at work and get more money and  praise or find  another job where i will be adequately paid as i want for the duties i will offer them. ultimately all honour comes from thee  lord so i put this before you as you  have advanced me advance me some more.. let all my detractors cower in shame
 - i want to be a better mum and have more time and patience for the chikkis..i want them to know that i love them i want them to know i am always in there corner but i also want them to realise that i am tough and wont let them take bat habits or standard

 keep me safe o lord help me to be better devoted to thee and walk in righteousness. help me to praise and worship thee in all that i do.. help me lord and support me..
 without you i am finished
 without you i am a goner
 so i seek to hold onto thee in everything in my life whatever it is  my lord i seek to put everything before thee

I need thy support lord in all that i do

Yes i am greedy and insatiable for the mercy and bounty from my lord..
Guide me to thee o lord.. and provide for me in this life and the hereafter... keep me praising thee always..

Honour thy parents

Help me o lord to do the right thing by you.. I know what I want and i see the difficulties ahead and i know what i habe asked you for.. I need your grace to help me. This is a test.. I want to come thru with your blessing whatever the outcome so as it is coming I need your counsel as I bring it forward to tou. You already know.. you are already awareof this make it easy for me lord. Help me to be able to honour whatever my feelings.. whatever my hurt whatever my grievances..help me to honour as you have asked of me..
You have set me free please do not let the chains take hold of me.. I walk in thy light and want to walk in the light always.. truth and glory to God.. whatever I have is because of you..Thy name be praised always

Thank you

Something as insignificant as hair but thank you god for giving me the jump to do the hair
. How i completed it I dont know but i know beforehand I asked of you and you came to my rescue.
All praise is yours now and forever. Thank you

There is no other God but GOD The Most Gracious The Best Proviser

La ilaha illa lllahu Arrahman khayru razziqin

Huwa Arrahman amana bihi wa alayhi tawakalna

He is the Most Gracious.. (we)i believe in Him and i(we) trust in Him..

THANK YOU

A quick thank you for bous day

There is only one God

There is Only One God
Truth is His Name
He is the Creator, Protector, Without Fear, No Enmity, The First Entity, Never born, True in the beginning, True Through the Ages,True even now and  will be True in the future.

I opened  book at my indian takeaway and i was inspired again by these words..

birthday party

i dont know where i have this irrational fear from but dear God the boy wants a party.
 my social withdrawals is avoiding me having him a party because i am afraid we have a party and no one comes.
 and i have been avoiding having one since he was 3..
 this your Boy lord this is your AR.. i would like him to have a party and i pray by your grace it is well.

Dear God i need your bounty each and every day, what but thy grace can take my fears away

i am conflicted right now because of news i  heard yesterday at work.
 and it involves people who back in 2015/2016 were part of a system that sought to exploit me at work.
 bonus season is approaching and people are having that conversation and i am told someone is not getting a bonus.
 that decision i consider very harsh even if  they felt their contribution was not that they wanted it to be they still contributed.
 it then brought back emotions of how i felt working working toiling and trying to do my my best trying to beat a magical ceiling  the stress of being the mug  of the team that people dipped into  without any care of bother at all...
 it then makes me reevaluate my manager as i was told it was her decision to make  - in all fairness i am not sure that is exactly correct but i will consider my now manager as fair and that is all i can say. i respect her judgement and her ability but if she has vetoed this decision -  then how does that make me feel.
 in all instances i will  have nothing but praise for my now manger - not all decisions she makes in my opinion i will agree with i feel she could be much tougher if she wants to ensure things move on but at the same time i will say she is balanced.. i can only judge her on my interaction with her -  she listens to me and protects me even from myself - that is what i want from any manager and in turn i work my hardest for her and try to improve her team stats even if it means doing work for people i already stated i would not do because it was clear they were playing the system and it was a habit i didnt dont and will never like..
the comment the person made to me was that i was being pitted against her in terms of performance and much as i dislike pitting anyone against anyone i consider that our work is unpredictable although there is some consistency so  comparisons  is very  difficult..i would not want to be pitted against anyone and i dont want anyone to be pitted against me..i want to be considered on my own merit on my own contribution and  work..
 i dont know what i want to say but i know what i want to say at present.
yes i think the decision not to pay any bonus is very very harsh -  no i would not want to be in that position and i ask of thee lord  not to ever put me in that position - yes its a bonus and it should not be relied upon but its a saving pot money for some and despite us saying we dont place much importance on it we know we lie because we do.. its a recognition from your work of your hard work and contribution to work and to say its nol for someone is saying they they have not contributed at all..

sleeping work again

i seek refuge with thee o lord as i ask for your help and assistance as i seek your blessings on me with my work. new changes and i need your grace to stay on top of my work and achieve the outcomes they want.. i seek your help oh lord and your grace.
help me t be victorious and successful

i hate that witch from work.. keep her away from me please

 i dont  remember if i hate someone with a vengance as much as i hate this witch. and she is a witch. i call her a witch because at my expense she sought to dominate and set us all  on a Colllision course.
 at my expense of  health she let others off and wanted me to pick shitty work up..kept working me working me..
she wanted someone to lick arse and i am not a arse licker at all. i give respect when respect is due.
 she shirked work in the name of delegate and was not interested in developing me unless i licked her arse..
  my first encounter with her brought issues for me and i guess its all her vibes  that were all wrong for me. i just knew we would not get on
so each time i see her i will curse her and i will keep cursing her everytime i remember how i felt and i  close i came to loosing my sanity at work
 god i wont stop myself/
the only way is if she stays away from my sight.
 so God keep her away from me and keep me away from her
 keep her away from me i dont want to know if she is alive.. if she were hit by a bus i will probably smile and  dance dong dong the witch is dead..
 i wont mind dancing over her grave and i wish her all the rottenness in the world..
Keep all the witches from work away from me and protect me God

Of my progeny let them be bound in the light of the most gracious

Dear lord i bring before thee AR and AM amd i ask that you help and guide me how best to teach my children about  truth about righteousness amd good and evil. I ask for your grace on them and their lives amd i ask that you protect them from the foulness amd sinful things of this world.
Ultimately where they end is up to you lord but i ask of you a prayer  from me to you for the wellbeing of these two.
I have dedicated myself and my children to you lord and i seek your grace and light on them please.
Protect them from wrong influences and guard them from bad company.

my Praise for today..

allahuma lakal hamdu anta nuru samawati wal ardhi
wa lakal hamdu anta qayyumu samawati wal ardhi
wa lakal hamdu anta rabbi samawati wal ardhi wa man fihi
la ilaha illa anta arrahman arrahhim
la ilaha illa anta arraufu rahim
la ilaha illa anta al-ghafuru rahim
alhamdulilahi rabbi al-amin

for some reason the combination of praise was obn my mind  today,
wherever i am whatever i may be doing.. keep me always praising thee O lord.
Let my Praise be for Thee and Thee only..always, all the time..

My prayer for this year..

Inna ma amruhu idha arada shayan. Anyakula llahu kun fa yakun. Subhanallahi llahu khayru razziqin.
Blessed is the name of God the most gracious.
Blessed is God the most high lord.
In my life whatever i do.. wherever i am.. let me join in praise to thee. Whatever  language, song or prose.. let my heart reach out to thee with praise.
Whatever my circumstance wether i consider it good or bad.. let me always praise and glorify thee.
Today tomorrow and for always let me always remember thee.
Guide me.to thee o lord and help me.to.worship thee better.  Keep away my sinful.thoughts and give me inner will amd  strength to overcome my desires.  Help me.to give my charity always amd om time. Help me to success in this life and the hereafter.
Help me progress with my work help me increase my earnings.. help and guide my children to thee help them to remain kind and patient and protect them.from harm amd danger...guard them against evil thoughts and people...
Bless my family o.lord amd guide in worship  to thee and thee only..