I cannot sleep and I am trying to capture m exact feelings
on a variety of issues.
The most prominent
being work - though I think the most
prominent should be about me and my soul.
I looked at a
colleagues work today who has been off and I can see that she is coming back
to about 2 weeks worth of work and it makes me sad.
Sad that I wouldnot help.
The state that is it
with me and work and what I perceive as a lack of I don’t give a shit by some
people in the work they do is such that I have decided for my sanity to leave
everyone to their mess.
The last time this
person was off – I tried to manage my work, manage my work without being asked
this is the thing that gets me – I do all these things without being asked
because I want for our work to go ticking along.. when it comes to the surface
then I was being piled on some more. I though
at the very least our manager would ask others to pull their weight but
no.
When we had a interim manager – the same was the case in
that he saw I what was urgent work which should have been picked up by the
handlers but kept them on my pile because they had to be done.. now the od one
or two but everyday is out of the question – that is me doing someones work.
I get the feeling that
in my work we are happy with mediocre –
heck we want less than mediocre. If we accept that people can not care about
their contribution and level of work then we can accept that shit will nto get done.
Now I say this with
full knowledge that everyone has different levels of ability and contribution –
but it is that they contribute.
If we all fight to be fit then we can all get
there.
This I don’t understand
and I find it very hard to digest.
I felt bad because I refused
to help – and that is worrying me. but I
wont bugdge because it is a point of issue.
I feel taken
advantaged of – the right expression is exploited without any genuine
appreciation/thanks.
I know their system is systems thinking where hard work is not encouraged or appreciated because they
believe it is sending the wrong messages.
But what is the wrong
message when you will only stay and take work when you are being taken extra
In the time that you
are paid to do work you will do the barest minimum or nothing at all and let
things compile - I have always said I don’t
understand this habit
But I guess the worry is that I worry and I should
stop worrying because it is not good to
worry as it affects my stress level, my health and well being.
I worry because I cannot
help.
I worry because I don’t
want to help – when did I get to that stage?
Because I have been given much I too must give – this has
been a mantra for me to stop selfishness
and to give whether it be my time my effort or whatever else I can muster.
But I guess I am feeling underappreciated and I don’t like
that.
But doing for other people is not about expecting thanks or
appreciation. Its about doing for the sake of dong.
Not that anyone cares.
I guess I am not cut
out for adult world. ] am I cut out for any world?
