blabberings

 in th ename of God, the most gracious....

 where do i start Lord..
 I feel Lost..
I am Lost.

a couple of truths that i must acknowledge..
 yes indeed.. children and family life takes you away from God.
 slowly and slowly it churns you makes you tired forgetting your obligations to a point where you do not have the zeal to do that which you did before having them.
 and this is what i feared.. and it is what is happening.
 so people, be careful what you wish for..
 i ask myself is it perfection that i strive for  and am i tasking myself too much.
 i remember God in my heart but do i remember him with actions.. i agree and accept that life does take me away.. work commitments, children commitments, husband commitments, friend commitments.. and i slowly am letting myself slip .

 God however and whatever do not let me go but keep me tied to thee that i will forever glorify and praise thee. keep me in mind and hold me to thee and allow me to and give me the zest to praise you like before..


 yesterday my mum rang me and said that someone called her to say that my father had died.. i was like duh!! no one had called me to inform me.. in a way i didnt believe it and even after putting down the phone i was still like duh!!
 she rang me back to say that they said my dad was just tired no dead..
can you believe this..i am still like duh!!
 to me it sounded like my mum was gleeful in reporting the demise of my dad thats how it sounded to me -
anyways.. i dont believe it.. didnt believe it .. i rather thought i would know if these things were told to me.. that i would feel it.. so i guess because i didnt feel anything it was  not registered as truth to me.. as ever i plead with thee O lord for inspiratinal grace to help me  sift truth from fiction and to reside in truth in everything - thought, word  and action..

i want to by a house and i dont know where to start. i dont want debt of motrgage interest on my neck.. i am not the most savy of people when it comes to financial matters. infact i am not savy at all..but i reckon i want to get my own house for the children a nice lovely house with a garden either front or back.. back preferably but not choosy - with a kitchen i can call my own with my own stuff.. with two toilets  a dining room/area and bedroom for my children... a work room for the computer person.. and some things that i am keeping close to my chest.. God you are the provider and My Provider as ever ..

 this thing on Ar head has come back and i dont know how to get rid of it.. i worry and ask myself how did he get it where did he get it from.. its now bothering me because i want my children perfect and any flaw in them i see as a failure on my part..because how is it that i let him catch it and despite the treatments how is it that it is still there.. as ever God you are Provider and Healer so i plead with thee for thy healing grace on these children to make them better.

God i have no one else but you as my master and i want to write more.. you know what is in my heart before i think it before i say it to myself.. help me Lord to get back to you..

ramadan is approaching and as with each ramadan i have a theme and what i would like mostest is as follows..
* allow me O Lord to be appreciative of the blessings that you have bestowed on me and to  do the righteous works that pleases thee and admit me by thy mercy into the company of your righteous servants
*Grant me O lord your grace to say my prayers to thee consistently and to give my charity always in any condition
*admit me a honorable admittance and let me depart a honorable depature and grant me from thee O Lord your powerful support.
*your grace and mercy and light to illuminate the darkness that i m ay see it for what it is.. your endless mercy and forgiveness of my many numerous sins and accepting me into paradise

on a superficial scale what i would like
 *loose weight in hips and belly and get back to where i want to be
*save money and stop spending
*have our own house
*have our own car
*progress with work more money/promotion

on a family level it shall be the good health and safety and welfare and protection of my nearest and dearest,, Lord you know those i consider these to be..