Dear Lord,
Here I come today
which is the last day of the 9th
month of this year.
Today the same feels
rushing to me again with work.
Today I was off yesterday and I took a last minute
decision to be off as I was feeling stressed and i recognised I needed to get
away from work so I took a day off and ever apprehensive as I was I managed to organise myself so that I would not come back to much.
I got there to find a
lot of emails waiting for me and by a lot I mean LOTS - about 30 emails and further correspondence in my working WIP - and I was flustered at
what I would have to have do also because I had left some unfinished business emails the day before that required my responses also
So I saw this lady
walking about asking the others if they had access to this other ladys emails. And
everyone were saying no and she stood across and I as ever being oblivious to
anyones elses actions just minding what I had to do with myself – I heard she
mentioned my name which irked my ears and I saw she had mentioned she was not sure if I had access to this other girls emails
- she did not ask me an outright question - I didn’t let that bother me much because
this lady I believe already has an issue
with me so I just let fly her weird attitude with me – and I nodded
past what I was doing that I had access
- wherein she said should I scan the ladys emails since I was the only one with access to it.
I replied I have just
come back from being off and I have loads on my plate and I will do it if I have
time after I have sorted out my plan for the day.
She then began to say something at which point I just tuned off and I wasn’t interested
because she was muttering something because
I felt that I had nto agreed with her.
The other older lady
then mentioned I seemed to be in a good
place than the rest of them so
why should I not do it – to which I mentioned
the same thing I have tosort out my days work and I will look at it afterwards
if I am chanced to do so - and then she
too took umbrage to what I had said – saying that I am in a good place with my
work – and I have to work as a team – to which I point blank said to her – I do
my work then I do my teams work as well
more than my fair share just because I keep quite and not glamatize it does not
mean I am not helping out. i mentioned if they didnt have access to this ladys emails then they should ask her - because this is not a new thing despite being told what to do - to which she mentioned i didnt give anyone else access to my emails when i was away to which i stated categorically that is a lit - my manager had access and one other colleague had access to my emails - she said they had to get through it to gain access - that is a LIE - my namager had access to my emails and the lady i gave access to - i state that as a FACT - and any lie the said manager promotes to the team is her business.
I had previously asked the older lady for assistance with an issue this morning when i came in to work - I had kept over work that I didn’t get to on Wednesday and she said to me she didn’t
have time as she was finishing up on holiday that at any other time she would
be ok but not today. Fair enough. the way she was was different when i had asked and when she gave her repsonse - it was less than a 5 minute thing - and on a side note i asked someone else and it was well less than 3 minutes what to do.
That set me up on a
chain of reactions today and I didnt like where my thoughts went.
Where was their concern on Monday when the lady did not show
up for work
Where was their concern about this ladys emails when did did not turn up for
work tuesday
As a matter of fact where was their concern upper last week
then the girl was not at work. and was away on holiday..
I did not see anyone concerned about anyone then – no one
gave a shit –
I am happy as long as
my manager knows what I do when I do and how I do - I don’t have to justify myself to others in my team.
i constantly assist and SMS for those that are not in work - scanning their emails and trying to pick up their urgents where i can..
i cannot be reasonably expected to leave my own work and my own urgents and do others work - because that is just stupid - but i assit where i can and i tend to do this everyday or every other day
I had done for this lady and for everyone that was not there
and as a matter of fact the older ladys
work too.
I am in a good place because god entitles me
to be in a good place because I come in to work to do my work. I don’t worry
about anyone else and I focus on my work and drive it forward as best as I can
be.
Constantly I am
bemused and I dont let it affect me - I see then at work doing some work and not doing work – I don’t let it
bother me I just do my work – whatever they want to do is up to them – their idle time not doing
work chatting about this or another – I will
lay you an example – one day within the last 2 months – this lad walked over to
my side and spent 20 minutes taking about a house with this lady and this is not the first occurance where in
he would come over and spend up to 20 minutes at a time talking about
things -
now both these people have work outstanding – and it always bemuses me
because I state if you actually sat and did some work in the time that you were
there chatting you will move your work on. But it is not my place to say these
things so good riddance.
There was one instance also when a group of them had been there chatting for
what was like about 30 mins until
another manager came to dispserse them -
it was justinteresting.
Anyway I digress away
from the main issue –
I get the feeling
they are upset that my work is always in a better state then theirs and as a
result I am punished and or ostracised
from the main group and it does
not bother me I just come in and do whatever I can regardless of
anything and or anyone.
i am made to feel like there is something wrong with me because i move mywork - what kind of a workplace is this - what kind of people are these..
My lord it is not in
me to think that I am better than anyone
else or anything else for that matter - because
I am not - but I try to do what I can at each time and do my best as I can
organise myself in a way that is productive for me and I don’t keep my stuff secret – I share and have shared my
approach to what I do but my team are not bothered or minded.
I am not a public
speaker but I give what I have as I know
how –
Last years xmas – I made myself sick doing too much and
carrying someones elses burden of work and I have vowed never to do that again – some manythings came off the back of that the feelings of being
unappreciated taken for granted and some issues of race which I didn’t even know
where toplace my thoughts or who to say or how to say how I was feeling – I felt used and abused that my health and wellbeing was not considered and my manager
did nto give a shit – that she sought
to belittle me to undermine any issues that I had put forward that in the end I
gave up. i was dreaming work - waking up froma dream about work and then not sleeping because i was thinking too much about work to do - work that was nto even mine or placed in my care.. i was irritable i could not eat properly and i just kep getting more landing on my plate - not one member of this team offered to help and or assit - - then and now -
and all of this came to because our manager is not in today which is a shame - becauee were she to be in they would not care..
When the leaders you
are meant to look up to dnt care where else have you to turn – when your leaders make decisions without any
thought or forward planning when hope is
there ??lord I say this loosely because we can only turn to you for help in any
event - btu in our world this is how it
is
I don’t know how to place this game of work politics – I just
know how to come to work and do work – I
am black I am female I am over 30 – I come to work and do my best as can toiling toilling for this employer –
trying to work so I can get pay rises and move up the ladder – I don’t know where else to go – so lord I ask
please give me a chance of another place where i will feel safe – where I will
feel appreciated and my efforts appreciated – where my hard work and constant
work is appreciated and renumerated
So I now make this
official lord – help me find a good exit a blessed exit away to something
better with more pay – let it be a
seamless transition no lag in between – let me be happy with them/it and let
them be happy with me.
I don’t want to work
in a place where my efforts are not appreciated where people feel they can use
me like a slave – and that is the way it is I feel like a slave to work for
others because they feel they are entitled for me to do their work whilst they
do other things other than work and not work related,
thank you
