workplace issues

Dear Lord,

 Here I come today which is the last day  of the 9^th month of this year.

 Today the same feels rushing to me again with work.

 Today  I was off yesterday and I took a last minute decision to be off as I was feeling stressed and i recognised I needed to get away from work so I took a day off and ever apprehensive as I was I  managed to organise myself so that  I would not come back to much.

 I got there to find a lot of emails waiting for me and by a lot I mean LOTS -  about 30 emails and further correspondence in my working WIP  - and I was flustered at what I would have to have do also because I had left  some unfinished business emails  the day before that required my responses also

 So I saw this lady walking about asking the others if they had access to this other ladys emails. And everyone were saying no and she stood across and I as ever being oblivious to anyones elses actions just minding what I had to do with myself – I heard she mentioned my name which irked my ears and I saw she had mentioned  she was not sure if  I had access to this other girls emails -  she did not ask me an outright question  - I didn’t let that bother me much because this lady I believe already  has an issue with me so  I just let fly her  weird attitude with me  – and I nodded past what I was doing that I had access  - wherein she said should I scan the ladys emails  since I was the only one with access to it.

 I replied I have just come back from being off and I have loads on my plate and I will do it if I have time after I have sorted out my plan for the day.

She then began to say something  at which point I just tuned off and I wasn’t interested  because she was muttering something  because  I felt that I had nto agreed with her.

The other older lady then mentioned I seemed to be in a good  place  than the rest of them so why should I not  do it – to which I mentioned the same thing I have tosort out my days work and I will look at it afterwards if I am chanced to do so -  and then she too took umbrage to what I had said – saying that I am in a good place with my work – and I have to work as a team – to which I point blank said to her – I do my work  then I do my teams work as well more than my fair share just because I keep quite and not glamatize it does not mean I am not helping  out. i mentioned if they didnt have access to this ladys emails then they should ask her - because this is not a  new thing despite being told what to do - to which she mentioned i didnt give anyone else access to my emails when i was away to which i stated categorically that is a lit - my manager had access and one other colleague had access to my emails - she said they had to get through it to gain access - that is a LIE - my namager had access to my emails and the lady i gave access to - i state that as a FACT - and any lie the  said manager promotes to the team is her business.

I had previously asked the older lady for assistance with an issue this morning when i came in to work -  I had kept over  work that I didn’t get to on Wednesday and she said to me she didn’t have time as she was finishing up on holiday that at any other time she would be ok but not today. Fair enough. the way she was was different when i had asked and when she gave her repsonse -  it was less than a 5 minute thing -  and on a side note i asked someone else and it was well less than 3 minutes what to do.

 That set me up on a chain of reactions today and I didnt like where my thoughts went.

Where was their concern on Monday when the lady did not show up for work

Where was their concern about this  ladys emails when did did not turn up for work tuesday

As a matter of fact where was their concern upper last week then the girl was not at work. and was away on holiday..

I did not see anyone concerned about anyone then – no one gave a shit –

 I am happy as long as my manager knows what I do when I do and how I do  - I don’t have to justify myself to   others in my team.
 i constantly assist and SMS for those that are not in work - scanning their emails and trying to pick up their urgents where i can..
 i cannot be reasonably expected to leave my own work and my own urgents and do others work - because that is just stupid -  but i assit where i can and i tend to do this everyday  or every other day

I had done for this lady and for everyone that was not there and as a matter of fact  the older ladys work too.

  I am in a good place because god entitles me to be in a good place because I come in to work to do my work. I don’t worry about anyone else and I focus on my work and drive it forward as best as I can be.

 Constantly I am bemused  and I dont let it affect me -  I see then at work doing  some work and not doing work – I don’t let it bother me I just do my work – whatever they want to do  is up to them – their idle time not doing work chatting about this or  another – I will lay you an example – one day within the last 2 months – this lad walked over to my side and spent 20 minutes taking about a house with this lady  and this is not the first occurance where in he would come over and spend up to 20 minutes at a time talking about things  -  now both these people have work outstanding – and it always bemuses me because I state if you actually sat and did some work in the time that you were there chatting you will move your work on. But it is not my place to say these things so good riddance.

There was one instance also when  a group of them had been there chatting for what was like about 30 mins  until another manager came to dispserse them -  it was justinteresting.

 Anyway I digress away from the main issue –

 I get the feeling they are upset that my work is always in a better state then theirs and as a result I am punished and or ostracised  from the main group and it does  not bother me I just come in and do whatever I can regardless of anything and or anyone.
 i am made to feel like there is something wrong with me because i move mywork  - what kind of a workplace is this - what kind of people are these..

 My lord it is not in me to think that I am better  than anyone else or anything else for that matter -  because I am not - but I try to do what I can at each time and do my best as I can organise myself in a way that is productive for me and I don’t keep my  stuff secret – I share and have shared my approach to what I do but my team are not bothered or minded.

 I am not a public speaker  but I give what I have as I know how –

Last years xmas – I made myself sick doing too much and carrying someones elses burden of work and I have vowed never to do that again –  some manythings came off the  back of that the feelings of being unappreciated taken for granted and some issues of race which I didn’t even know where toplace my thoughts or who to say or how to say how I was feeling – I felt used and abused that my health and wellbeing was not considered and my manager did nto give a shit –   that she sought to belittle me to undermine any issues that I had put forward that in the end I gave up. i was dreaming work - waking up froma dream about work and then not sleeping because i was thinking too much about work to do  - work that was nto even mine or placed in my care.. i was irritable i could not eat properly and  i just kep getting more landing on my  plate - not one member of this team offered to help and or assit -  -  then and now -

 and all of this came to because our manager is not in today which is a shame - becauee were she to be in they would not care..

 When the leaders you are meant to look up to dnt care where else have you to turn –  when your leaders make decisions without any thought or  forward planning when hope is there ??lord I say this loosely because we can only turn to you for help in any event -  btu in our world this is how it is

I don’t know how to place this game of work politics – I just know how to come to work and  do work – I am black I am female I am over 30 – I come to work and do my best as  can toiling toilling for this employer – trying to  work so I  can get pay rises and move up the ladder –  I don’t know where else to go – so lord I ask please give me a chance of another place where i will feel safe – where I will feel appreciated and my efforts appreciated – where my hard work and constant work is appreciated and renumerated

 So I now make this official lord – help me find a good exit a blessed exit away to something better  with more pay – let it be a seamless transition no lag in between – let me be happy with them/it and let them be happy with me.

 I don’t want to work in a place where my efforts are not appreciated where people feel they can use me like a slave – and that is the way it is I feel like a slave to work for others because they feel they are entitled for me to do their work whilst they do other things other than work and not work related,

thank you