I have been meaning to say thanks. Thank you God

I offer my thanks to the most gracious lord amd i thank him very much for his help on AR. I am grateful lord and thank you very very much for this issue

Praise be to God.. the lord of the universe.

I have just seem my post of 12/01 and i bow in adoration to toe most gracious lord.
I am filled with adoration for him amd i know and feel my God the most gracious lord is good and true.
Dear lord inspite and despite keep  me praising thee always.
From my heart and soul it is allow me to  praise and worship  thee always and to be appreciative of all the blessings that you have bestowed on my and my children. Grant us righteousness in this life and then hereafter and let us not  depart except as submitters to thee..

Friday 31st march

Dear Lord what am I to do

There I was yesterday I was with the intention that I would come to you to say thank you for AM and her nursery place at the same nursery that AR went to that I am about to be offered which has taken  a whole concern  from me that she will be looked after and in very very good hands much as you have done for AR.

Then I get the news that the lady who  was looking after AR many not be able to look after her for me.
 

  What else can I do.

A couple of issues and thoughts are running through my head and I cant seem to focus  and see a  way out .

The options I have is beg my work to let me finish at 3   but this means I loose 5 hours a week off my hours -  but this arrangement also means ,if they are agreeable ,although I  will work 6.5 hours .0.5hrs of this being for my lunch and I would want to take it towards the end of my shift i.e. not have a lunch but then again  thatis another  worry because I use  my lunch to say my prayers.

  What can  I do.

If they don’t agree it means I work 5.5 27.5 hours – I  dont believe I can survive on that what with the two of them and I don’t even believe they will allow me that in any event. But i live in hope that  you my lord makes miracles  because i know you do and i have read you do amd i am witness  that you do.

I loose holidays and I loose pay -  I need the holidays for when the term time closes and for family emergencies so i don’t burden my work  so that I don’t come up on their list of people with issues

 

The  childminder I have been  directed to  she says she has other clients and I know I have tried  her before and she didn’t  have any time for AR  and it was panic stations till you put this lovely lady in front of me.

 

In  Ar case also I don’t know what will become of him because he is to start school and the first couple of weeks of starting school is murder and though I have out him on a place waiting list for the after school care I don’t know in all honesty what I will do.

 

  It is just like once we get a reprieve  then another massive hurdle comes in view and I don’t know where to go from here.

What must I do except  turn to the foundation  of all life - to my lord and ask for his help and blessings as I have always done asking that he come to my aid and  help me with mychildren.

 

The last time I took a wage cut   it was bad  in that I could not sustain myself but that in itself  I don’t know because the right thing to say  is that you are the one that sustains me as well as my children.

 

I enjoy my work – I don’t have anything else that I can say is part of me and work allows me to be me -  with a wage cut and loss of hours is a loss of holidays. And the last time I asked  for  reduction in hours they made me feell like I was begging for it I felt so low even  though I put a brave face on it -  its like they want you  to beg for something and they rub your nose in it.

That is how it made me feel but they approved it not after the manager giving me a talking to like i was a child who was being given something i should kill for.

I come to work I have always  come to work I try to give my best  and my all -  I put in more than my all  and try to do the best that I can do in any given event. I don’t call in sick; I give then notice for anything -  and I  put them first in  to that they have advance notice of all my issues and problems.

 

I am a good worker I work I show up I turn up and sometimes I  just ask for little allowances  – the little allowsances I ask for  is only in regards mychildren.

I don’t allow my children sicknesses to disburb my work – I use my holidays for emergency and it is only in rare  circumstances that I actually cost them money in anything like paying me for being sick or emergency leave  - I ALWAYS WORK IT BACK or have worked it before.

I dont sit  idle – well expect for now that I am typing this and I have to put this because it is killing me.right now i cant focus.

 

Where do I turn god where to I turn if it is not to you ,what else can I do, how is it can I say want must I do to  say that I need your help. I need your great help dear god of mine.

 

How can I  lay my case to you when you already know everything about me.

 

  The last two days I was reading about moses and how it was that you inspired his mother to give him away and put  him on a river -   I thought to myself When i  read that verse that the  woman must have been instilled with some super confidence  and trust; trust that was unshakable and firm trust that we mere mortals in this day and age don’t have.

In as much as I say I have trust in god and I believe  in you it does not stop me  from worrying still, because I don’t know what will happen I don’t know what will pass and I don’t know how it will play out.

 What must I do  who must I see who must I  go to in order to succeeed and progress – what else can I do.

I keep my intergrity I overlook  all the nottiness  of the team what else should I say or do.

I just keep doing me.

Wage rise  is for show in my opinion and slow – a little at a time-  I work work work put my all and not getting naything tangible.

What else can I do dear lord.

do I say the burden is too much for me that I will kill myself and my children

do I say that I will just walk out on everyone and run away

  what else can be done

As ever i am inspired  by the  verse in which it is narrated that moses asked of and  from God.. rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayha min khayrin faqir.  So i too ask of you amd from you dear lord i am truly  in need of whatever  goodness that  you may bestow on me amd i ask of and  from the most gracious lord who is the only and best provider. The One who has  sustained and supplied for me. The One who is without doubt is God the lord of the universe.

Bonus

Blessed is the name of the most gracious lord today tomorrow and for always.  I seek a favour  from you lord by asking you to be extremely generous with me and  for me. And as i ask  i deliver  myself  unto thee to seeking your bounties
As  no one  can provide like you.

I am sorry

I am sorry Lord and i felt regret at my thoughts.  After watching call the midwife and seeing someone portrayed at losing a baby at 5 months a5md the sorrow om the mothers face..it them made me feel bad that i too may have considered what it would have been like. Sometimes i am foolish in my thinking and i dont think things through and  i confess to thee o lord and  i ask forgiveness. It is a wonder how you make  your world with all its rules and  how you oversee who has what or will get what. I am sorry God.  Very sorry. Please forgive me

Itchy businesses

I virtually ran out of work yesterday...itchy skin business again..started with slow heartburn then i felt bits of my skin warming till it got to my scalp..then it was all out war

I AM IN NEED..Rabbi inni limaa anzalta ilayya min khayri faqir..

How do i cry out to  you o lord for help om this bed  wetting issue. I don't  know what to do. I don't  know how to help him. I  slowly turning into my mother. Help me please god help me with him
He doesn't want to learn and  he is just  as comfortable sleeping and  wetting himself. What do i do.. I  went to doctors they said its normal but this is not  normal
He cannot seem to wake from sleep to go and weee.the doctors dont see it as a problem at  his age... Where did i go wrong god..where did i go wrong.
Its either wee himself or wake him up every 2 hrs for a week. Or deprive him of liquid when he comes back
How can i help him please God how can i help him.
I am frustrated i don't  see a way out.. i am frustrated i dont see a light.  But as i come to you i shall try not to despair but i lament  to you and ask for your timely help with this issue. Where  have  i gone wrong..how can i bring it back..
This  is AR this is him oh lord..this is  him who i have asked you for him.. this is AR that is yours  my lord.. i am failing him.. i dont know how to help  him..please god help me help me please..
The other  day he said when he was in my belly he asked god to send him to me i am failing him as i cannot seem to teach him how to reach his  milestones.. i am failing  him as i dont have the  patience for  this.  It is killing me to be washing sheets everyday.. do i get him tp sleep on  floor or bare mattress ... i cant do that...he is a young boy still.. do i put him back in nappy?? What  do i do lord what do i do.. how can i help him learn how to  control this behaviour.. i am putting  a brave face.. i always put a brave face but its killing me because i feel  a failure a sham.. help me god help me what do i do how can i help him...i am desperate for your help on this  issue please god help me..

my Lord, blame me not for what i forget and be not hard on me for this lapse of mine

 rabbi la tuwakhizni bima nasitu wa la turhiqni min amri u'sran.

 rabbana la tuwakhisna innasina awakhtana

rabbana wa la tahmil alayna isran kama hamaltahu alla ladzina min qablina. rabbana wa la tuhamilna ma la taqata lana bihi. wa afuwana wa aghfirlana wa arhamna anta maulana fa ansurna fi dunya wal ahirat,wa anta arhamnu khayru razziqin

My Lord do not condem me if i forget or make a mistake. my  lord let menot blasphemy against you like others before me have done. my lord keep me from sinning .pardon me forgive me and have mercy on me . you are. my  master. grant me victory in this life and the hearafter, you are the most gracious, the best provider.

 this starts my prayer for 2017. i ask the most gracious for his mercy and guidance as  always on my and my children.. i ask of the most gracious to increase in my guidance and understanding to  help me to  grow and learn and progress in all good things in life and he hereafter and to always  keep me praising him always.

23/12/2016

I offer my thanks up to the creator of all, my God - the Most Gracious lord for seeing me through till this point in the year.
 i thank  him immensely for his care and assistance. for his provision and support and i implore him that ling may it continue more and more each day, second and minute.
 i am really grateful for all what he has done and i can safely and proudly say with a hand on my heart that the Lord is Good. had always been good and is good.

 thank you lord  halleluya you've been  so good to me
 thank you lord halleluya i am grateful for my blessings
 i's grateful for my struggles, trials and tribulations i've been through.
 i realise no one can love like you do.

Lord you've been so good
 you've been so good to me
 i 'm grateful for all of my blessings giving you all the praise.

  so  in fitting with me dear lord  as i always do i ask for a birthday present from you each year and  each year you fulfill for me.

  what i ask from my Lord..  the firstmost is that my lord endears me to him and draws me closer to him. i wish that my Lord will fill my heart with his love and praise and allow  me that in every action  or thought that i remember Him first and offer prayers before i commence with anything. on top of that i ask that my Lord forgives me my sins and allows me entry with the righteous.

thank you lord yet again

Dear God, thank you for today. for letting my manager be happy with me.
 thank you for everything.
  in my workplace there are managers of caliber - these are managers who work and who lead in the real sense of leading and lead by example. people who are role models and inspire by their work.
 then there are those who just  become managers because they dont want to answer to anybody and do not care in the real sense of the word but they just want to make a name for themselves anyway possible.
  in my opinion it may be that the later were like the first at some point but have been worn down by the status quo.

 dear lord i am happy to have a manager that inspires me.
 when my manager is willing to do the work that i do and does not consider it beneath them then i too am inspired to work my hardest for them.
 when my manager is there to protect my interest and be fair  with everyone then i cant ask for more.
  when my manager is not exploiting me but developing me and believes in my ability and given me work accordingly.
 when my manager does not treat me differently because of my colour or make snide remarks at me due to my race
 when my manager is there to work with her team and not look for a lacky to dump work on - then i know i have someone i can work alongside and there will be no issues because the harder i give they give harder still.
 i am inspired to be in the work and learn from them.
 i say this with a hand on my heart now and this is how i feel.
 so in this moment thank  you god very very much  for this lady who has  motivated me and  developed me and to the one at the beginning and after that also who i see work and do work...
 to the manager and people who i feel  took advantage of me and refused to do work themselves - then lord i leave them in your hands and inspite and despite their snide remarks - let me soar and progress  - let my light shine so bright it blinds them that  they cannot see me when i zoom past their eyes.
 so dear lord in everything and all things and anything that you do  for me its a thank you from me..

Oluwaseun Thank you God

i am nothing without you my lord.
 i am  nothing at all without you.
 as it were not for you i would not be where i am
  i a nothing without you my lord.
 so i take this opportunity to say thank you for everything.
 for my life  for my struggles for my opportunities and for everything.

Thank you God for everything

Thank you dear  lord for the mercy of the clothes.  I didn't ask but you allowed them on me for my daughter. It helps it does
.
. it saves us money. Thank you  very much
They are just soooo lovely and nice. To the person  giving us them
. Thank you and may God replenish your lot. And by God's grace I too will in turn give what I have to those who need it and pass along what I have..

You and i

You are not me and I am not you. Our1 destination may be the same but our paths may be different.
You are not me.and I am not you.
We have the se eyes brain and ears.
We live in the same world.
Yet you are  not me and I am not you.

Morning prayer/praise

Inna rabbi latifu liman yashau innahu huwa  Alimu hakim.
Fatiri samawati wal ardhi anta waliyi fi dunya wal akhirati. Faghfirli Warham tawafani musulman wa alhiqni bisalihini.

My lord is most kind to whomever he wills. He is the Knower the most wise. Initiator of the heaven and earth you are my master in this life and the hearafter. Forgive me and have mercy on me. Let me die as a submitter and count me with the righteous.

Office mug

 a team is only as effective when all members are working  and giving their utmost to  achieve one main objective.

 right now i am not in a team.
 i am in a shaft me situation.

 this is where members of this so called team have no respect for the  team and do what they like with the perceived notion that some mug will do their work for them.

 -   the only exception in this team is my lady who has a handle on her work and does  overtime too and partakes in chat sometimes but she has her shit  on lockdown..
 - everyone else then there is something wrong somewhere... my lady is  relatively new but she does do her work.. so how is she or I different to anyone else in the group..
-
 - this team has no appreciation  the word work.  you come in to work with a i dont give a shit  about what i am doing and i will do whatever i like. there is no plan or forward thinking in terms of what you want to achieve by the end of the day -with the exception of chatting.. or creating more work for yourselves. Chatting about on average 20 mins a pop.. on matters not work related.. it will be  interesting to  find out what is on their lync and their internet history. the time it takes you to chittychat use that time effectively and do some damn work. clear some fluffy post.. attend to some emails.. pay some claimants  and or even answer your suppliers so their work can move too. clear your inactives,  close your cru, i can think of fluffy things to do in the time it takes to chat.. at least that will make a dig in the perceived mountain that you have..
 - you leave on holiday and you leave a mess of a garbage for people and expect that when you are back your work will miraculously disappear.. is there a "clear work fairy" there to do the work for you?.. everyone is stretched.. you cannot not help yourself then expect others to help you?
you leave without a backward glance to what you have left; any urgents are kept hushhush.. no leaving instructions note, no message to state what is urgent or not... you just leave.. no can you help me keep an eye on this one.. you have mountains of emails and you just leave them..no attempt to clear them away..

 - you close post and emails or possibly just dont bother answering them.. is there a magic genie that  will sort that work out for you.
-you pretend to work but are you working.. what the heck are you doing - constantly i am asking myself.
 from over my desk i watch with amusement and try to figure out what it is we do when we come to work.. when there is work piling but we dont seem to make a dent in the work.

 our process is simple you get given claims  at the start of the week. on a  daily basis incoming post is not a lot, it really is not and emails are not that bad either.. so manage yourself so you  have one day for your new work and drive then  as further as you can snd the rest of the week is to chase up on work and or attend to post.. its not  that difficult . 4 days of doing this will defo make a difference..
  but those 4 days i dont know what is done  if people are crying they are  swamped with work all the time.

 by the law of odds we should have made a dent in the work.. so what  is it.. we dont work in hope that the work will be given to overtime so we can get paid more to  do that which we are perfectly capable of doing in normal time but we dont.
 we dont work in hope the clear work fairy will sort it out for us..

worse still, we do the work but make it seem like we have not done the work so it will be counted for overtime and we get paid more in overtime to  do the work that we have already done in work time but hahahahaha what the heck i dont know what is going on here,. See no evil hear no evil..

  and it is not an assumption it is a FACT..

 oh! and by the way fuck you all.. God forgive me but that is my feeling and i cant escape that. i dont claim to know more i dont claim to be better but i work fucking hard damn fucking hard on my work and others as well.. to get to where i am..  and if you think i am in a privileged position it is because  God helps me and  i work damn hard to be there. i come in with a* attidute and move work chase work and dont stop and move other people's work and chase it too  and i am not understating I WORK DAMN HARD...
 i am not sitting having idle chats with people. even when i am i am still working..( and by the way i dont have a lot of idle chats) chats are for a purpose....who has not noticed that even when they have a chat with me i am still doing my work - sending emails  reading correspondence..
when i get off my seat i go on a work related mater - hardly have i gone away from my seat just to sit and chat..
 i am working damn hard  inspite of being used and abused by the witch of eastwick before who felt entitled to think my job is to mop up shit that the work created... that is because once you unmask her bravado  she is like the rest of everyone - dont do any work in hope someone else will do it.. i swear i hate that woman. if i  she got hit by a bus i probably do a dance. that is the place she took me to.. constantly working me out even when i  said to her i said to her  about how i was feeling and about all the  things going on she brushed them aside and just kept doing what she was doing. then she set us on collision course with each other.. divide and conquer.. constantly ignored any suggestions I gave to make things better improve..

 i have capacity because i create capacity  not because i dont have nothing to do..

 i am not greedy...  i dont do overtime i don't have the time.. on top of my work i lock down 2 young kids, a husband and  a mother who are all demanding.. so when i am back its more work..   i cant sleep   or find time to myself to relax.. when i think i come home away from work.. my experiences at work  spoil my mood and everything.. so FUCK YALL peoples..   who will look out for my mother and kids if i die.. will it be you? will you pay their fees.. will you feed them.. so FUCKING FUCKYALL peeps. i am working hard to get increases in my wages so i can have something for me for them for future.. we are barely surving on what  we have at present.. and yet i some to work..

 i dont cheat my work i  come to work.. i TURN THE FUCKUP.. i am not the one calling in sick after boozing the weekend before. i am not the one calling in sick so i can do a spot of home maintenance...when was the last time I called in sick..

 Missy yes you..  if you ever dig at me again i will probably come over and knock you one for six.. you better watch yourself all your sly digs,, even wednesday i am just watching with amusement... you take it upon yourself to be the mouthpiece of the disgruntled team.. no 1 face your  bloody work.. do some work,, less time on lync chatting rubbish.. less time leaving your seat to chat 1% work and 5% idle chat..and more focus on your work.. and do work.. and yes it seems you do some work but  you can do more in the time that you are there not  waiting for overtime handouts. You won't do people's work  in your time unless it is to advance your esteem in someone's eyes mostly you will take it on in overtime that is only when you are willing to do it. I have seen the posts.. you close with no action taken on medicals that need attention or correspondence  that needs replied to..your stupidity doesn't escape my attention but gw you will drown in your own shit and I will just keep watching you..

  the overtime many of you have dipped  into has helped pay for houses holidays wedding  etc why not give something back to the company and come in and actually drive the work forward and show work can be done... in hours..

 mr i  am there but i am not really there.. i dont know what the fuck it is you do.. lord help me but that is not my headache. the team try to catch your work..  but you are a fully fledged member of this team and i have said i am not doing that. i am no covering your mistakes because it is not just one mistake and there are grave  mistakes not fly in the wall things you let go.. it is a case of you cannot be bothered but are there for the money..  till you find your dream job and poof!! you are gone.
your biding time is not helping us.. if you are there add your two pence. you reaped in overtime paying for your house so please give something back.

 mrs high and mighty - your magic is LEGENDARY  and by magic i mean disappearing work.. but  your persona does not make it seem like anyone can call you out for it so they speak in hush hush about it behind your back..and i have it on good autority because i had about 2 month dealing with your work.. so i know you avoid, ignore correspondence..

 mrs brown  i seeeeeeeee you a mile off. i seeeeeeeee you whichever angle you are coming from so before you land i know your agenda so stop it.. your sly racists digs i let them fly off, your sly digs  about me i let fly off.. i have respect for the one we know  not to  make another hole in your nose for you..  but my patience is not forever..

 me i dont have time for fakery.. if there is work to be done lets do the work. but i will be damned to be working hard and then you want to use me as a mop on top of that..

 where  the fuck do you feel entitled to say that because i have capacity i should dig  in your work.. its your work,., you created the mess then sort it.. you are being greedy taking overtime despite being over
... so handle that shit yourself. Your work is behind yet you put in for some more work..go figure that one out.. i dont have any less work than you do.. we get given the same amount of work and i get extra portions from all directions..I don't complain much i just try and do what i can..  even before we were given work and had to take work i still did more than my fair share and i also did others work too.. i have worked on everyones work till i put a stop to being taken advantage of because it seems we are all tooooooo comfy on not helping ourselves but others helping us.. when will we learn to be better...when will we learn to be better.. and I am not saying I am better I am talking about improving work. .

If you want help ask for it and if I can I will but you shit on me and then expect me.to.say thanks  and allow you pee on me.. what kind.of rubbish is that???

You are complaining you went on holiday and came back to loads.. you went without a backward glance.. left a shit load of emails and work outstanding..what did you think was gonna happen. You knew you were going away why didn't you help yourself and help the team and manage the work.... nooooo your midget brain would not consider that.. God forgive me I can't find the right word here..but you were in such a deficit you didn't think twice adding 13 hrs of overtime despite crying you have outstanding work.. if you wanna lie to someone lie to yourself don't lie to me cos I ain't got time for that crap.. yes it's hard work but we make it hard on ourselves. . We create our waste work and drive failure into our systems..

 the old witch has made you think i am a mop because she enabled you to be  the way you are rather than develop you to be better..

 no! truth be told there were some ideas given.... the phone is there use it.. stop sending letters and emails - pick a phone and make a call. you get things done better..

  mrs i cant do my work so i will use and claim other peoples work as my own.... because you had the manager than enabled you.. whatever you have on her that is btw both of you. mrs protected species.. she who cannot be given work.. i find it amusing really

 i am not  the team mop.. i have respect for my work.. it may not be right  i may  not be better i may not have common sense but i sure as hell work... my background is different from YALL and what i have gone thru most of you won't wish upon yourselves... i work for my money and make sure i deserve every  miserly piece of money that is paid to me.. do i think i am worth more.. SURE AS.. i know i am worth more the amount of things i do on a daily basis..yes i feel i am taken for granted  and yes inwork is better than no work..   and i work hard working hard in hope that someone will see and go.. YAAAS give her more because she has done her share and half of others share as well.

 when our leaders dont have a clue and do whatever they like.. who can we look up to..
 i am inspired to be with a leader that is technically minded and what i have learned  and been put forward for is fantastic but my team experience is marring it  and not making it enjoyable. i have someone who is interested in my development.
to actually find someone who challenges your technical ability is inspiring in its own compared to the last witch who could not give a shit and i mean could not care and that experience  has left a bitter taste in my mouth about this job. her sly racist digs i left alone because sometimes you let things fly.. but  for someone to feel that because of my color i should do more than others and am and should not be treated as the others..FUCK YOU..

 i do my job as best as i can and i do others as well..  i dont sit bragging or waiting for someone to.notice before I do it..i just get it done, i dont leave my work for others to do - unless i am not there to do it.. it is not in me to add to peoples woes so i take care of my shit and i make sure shit is taken care of.

 so i do it differently i take a log of the work i do for others.. i hate doing it because that time can be used to do something but to be made to feel that i  have to justify my time at work is demoralizing.. i have to justify the work that i do..
 if anything come and sit with me learn what ever you can   - if there is something to learn and teach me how to be better..

 Mr lord, i am sorry for my language and i am sorry for my outburst so i apologise but this is how i feel and however way i dress it up the feeling will not go away.

 sometime you just have to  do the poo and away with it..

 here i am waking up at 3 and i cant sleep and i hope penning this down i am able to sleep at the very least..
God help me find something better because this work is fraustratingmy life. help me find somewhere better where i can flourish and be away from people who want to use me and use me and use me and use me and use me and dont give a damn about me they dont care about me.

 worse case i will jump off the bannister and kill myself right in front of everyone because that thought is never far from my head.. i feel sooo overworked. i am sleeping and dreaming claims.. i am waking up with claims and work on my mind..  that i cant sleep.. the atmosphere is not making me happy.. i am feeling used.. i dont understand why people dont want to do their work.. i dont know how to manage but i am  managing gw i will manage and if i dont Lord forgive me for whatever actions that i may take because sometimes i cant see  your light..