Honouring..

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.(23)And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small."(24)

This is a rough translation that best explains my theme for tonight. 
long a time that i have wanted to  say to you lord and to offload my 
issue on this matter

 as best as i can say this is that i am failing.. and before i fall i come to God the most 
gracious Lord to save me..

 i have a couple of questions

 how can one maintain this - when that parent is  testing ones endurance  and resolve

 how can you maintain patience and best behavior when that parent has not shown you patience
 or best behavior.

how can you be better when you have been treated worse?

 i am failing this commandant lord i know that so i am coming to you to ask of you to 
PLEASE keep me away from this sin and keep me apart from this temptation  that is leading me 
to commit this sin

Free me of this bondage and help me to progress free.

 as the more i am here i fear i will descend and fall deep and deep  with this error.

 it is time for me to break free because i cannot be where i know you will sin.

 as i have always said to you, if there is something that  will make me sin once i acknowledge it 
help me be free of  it.

 if that thing is my mother and the  relationship i have with her then i am ready to forsake it,,  

 there are a couple of testy issues btw us and  i acknowledge that she is my mother, i may not like 
her way and i will not support  her in what i consider to be wrong but  i am  on the verge of trading
 insults 

and i will like to avoid this in all entirety.

 there os more to this and i am not sure how i can put this to words but for now lord.. i beg of thee and i 
implore thee my God to help me break free of this sin and help me to go with my family and give me
 the home that i have asked of thee.

 help me please.

 i have called on thee a secret call and a out there call to ask for a home from thee .. my home.. 
our home a home where the most gracious is  the only lord.. a home where we can be safe, a home 
that is dedicated to the most gracious and where his worship reigns. a home for my children and a
 sanctuary for our family.

that home that i have loved.. 

you and only you lord knows what is in my heart... i cannot lie to you and i cannot avoid even my 
own failings.. in everything o lord i come to you and i have tried to stay true to you and you only.. 
in the face of loneliness and social reclusim i still stay true to you oh lord  so i come to you.. 
this is a big  failing of mine and i fear i will fail if i have not already failed...

 so God let this not be a test for me for if it is i have already failed it..

 but my lord is full of  forgiveness and mercy so i implore him for his mercy to please help me..

 it is  me i am asking for help me and set me free..

God that set noah to his land, that set abraham apart from his family to set up on his own, that set up
 joseph  apart from his own.. That God who has incepted me and decreed my destiny that God 
is the most gracious that i trust  that i know, that i thank for bringing me this far that God i am asking 
of now to give us our house and set us free that we may like as one family to worship him.

 blessed be the name of God my Lord  for ever and ever

Rabbi anni Maghlubun fantasir

Who can i lament to.. Who should i complain to..to whom.can relay my despair.

We are trying to buy a house we want to live together but there is a game being played by sellers and i am not a.fan of game playing.

I appreciate they are trying to get more money for their.buck but we need a forever home. We are not game players we just want somewhere to live as a family. you have said the house is worth a certain amount so accept that amount.. you are already making a profit so why be greedy?
 i dont expect them to consider our situation i dont expect them to have pity on my children but have fear of God and remember for the future...

Everything is for a reason and meets with Gods approval and plan. And my god that has got me this far that has allowed me to achieve this much whence i never expected or could imagine.. that god who i have called on and still call on.. that one that i lay my hopes.on.......God.will make it.come.true by his Grace....

I dont have parents that have left me anything concrete nor.do i lay my sights on whatever they have achieved but i want to be able to leave for my two something tangible made.from graft and hard work...something truthful and good for their future.

 a house for us for our small family.. a house where  God alone is worship.. a house of peace and love for my children..

House wish list front receiving area before entering main hallway..  downstairs toilet.. and upstairs family bathroom.4 bedroom. Large lounge and dining area leading to garden. Cloakroom downstairs Large kitchen with utility room.. wide big flat garden (with a tree). Stairs leading to upstairs ideally family bathroom at top of stairs.. ensuite master bedroom( optional).. onstreet parking if not own driveway.. small front garden also. End terrace or semi detatched or standalone house. Straight windows that can take venetian blinds. Tall radiator in bathroom standalone toilet with family seat..wonderful storage cupboards in kitchen and bathroom.  I would want chest freezer and standing fridgefreezer unit in kitchen. Gas central heating. Preferably gas cooker and electric double oven....

I have asked.. my boy has asked.. and i ask of thee again o.lord. the first one.i wanted didn't happen.. the second one is now unravelling away into oblivion...so as with everything oh lord.. thy will be done in my life and may i forever live to praise thee.

 i lack patience for this o lord but as ever i live in hope of your mercy because i have tasted of your mercy so i know it to be true. help us to be successful in this endeavour..
you  are at the forefront of our plan and by your grace you will guide us through it.

hunting..

i went to see another house yesterday it was just wonderful.. i loved it and i am afraid i have started to dream about it just like the first one i fell in love with and we didn't get.. this time lord i leave everything with you and i ask  for your help..
 people say whats for you will be for you and i accept that with gods help he CAN make things for you and make it right for you..
 so i guess i am asking let my wish be your will o lord..  am not sure which order is best let your will be my  wish.. as you are the one that inspires then it is equal in all tings..
 help  us please, we don't have much but we want a start  to secure for our  children..
  on a good note on going there the song  playing was glorious God by nathaniel bassey and on leaving i saw a rainbow and i prayed to God and asked him just like we are told the floods ravaged earth in the time of noah and the rainbow is a sign of  the stop of the rain.. i have read in the Quran  noahs ark  set foot on a location so i prayed of yesterday God let this be a  sign of a blessing home/location for me and my family and like noah bless it for us and help us to secure it and help us with it,,

Blessed is the name of God in any language or race,,

This is going on my mp3 list...

 so simple yet potent

O paalanhaare, nirgun aur nyaare - 2 

Oh nurturant Lord, beyond description and beyond all

Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin 

Without you, we have no one

Humri uljhan suljhaao bhagwan 

Ease our difficulties, oh God

Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin 

Without you, we have no one

Tumhe humka ho sambhaale 

You are our only supporter

Tumhe hamre rakhwaale 

You are our only protector

Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin 

Without you, we have no one

--CHORUS-- 
Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin 

Without you, we have no one

--FEMALE-- 
Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin 

Without you, we have no one

Chanda mein tumhe to bhare ho chaandni 

It is you who has filled the moon with moonlight

Sooraj mein ujaala tumhe se 

The sun's brightness is from you

Yeh gagan hai magan, tumhe to diye ho isse taare 

The sky is content, you have given stars to it

Bhagwan, yeh jeevan tumhe na sanwaaroge 

God, if you don't adorn this life

To kya koi sanwaare 

Then who will adorn it?

O paalanhaare, nirgun aur nyaare 

Oh nurturant Lord, beyond description and beyond all

Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin - 2 

Without you, we have no one

--MALE-- 
Jo suno to kahe Prabhuji hamri hai binti 

If you will listen, Lord, I will make a plea

Dukhi jan ko dheeraj do 

Give patience to sorrowful people

Haare nahin voh kabhi dukh se 

So that they will never give in to the sorrow

Tum nirbal ko raksha do 

Provide the powerless with protection

Reh paaye nirbal sukh se 

So that the powerless can remain happy

Bhakti ko shakti do 

Provide your disciples with strength

--CHORUS-- 
Bhakti ko shakti do 

Provide your disciples with strength

--MALE-- 
Jag ke jo swami ho, itni to araj suno 

Since you are the world's master, please hear this plea

Hai path mein andhiyaare 

There is darkness in our path

Dedo vardaan mein ujiyaare 

Provide us with blessed light

--CHORUS-- 
(O paalanhaare, nirgun aur nyaare 

Oh nurturant Lord, beyond description and beyond all

Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin 

Without you, we have no one

Humri uljhan suljhaao bhagwan 

Ease our difficulties, oh God

Tumre bin hamra kaunon naahin) - 3 

Without you, we have no one

http://www.myhindilyrics.com/translation-Lagaan/O-Paalanhaare.html

anxiety

 i am up again with the anxieties of work not letting me go back to sleep.
 this week, i have in effect 16 hours to work.. and next week its 20 hours.. ho wi  will find the time to do this work is something else.
 i doubt i will be able to manage new claims and i have diaries i have to attend to..
 i dont know what to do.
 i  am slightly anxious as i know i get given allocation more and whenever i am off they pretend like they dont know and allocate me work when ordinarily  i should not get the work.
 the pretend to  forget.
 i didnt go for overtime this weekend ether because of the time i had and o could not commit to the  backwork of post that cones with overtime.

i ask of a healing Lord on behalf of my heart..

My Lord the boy is suffering again with some skin issue and i  dont know what to do..
 he seems susceptible o these things and i am not sure how to help him..
 not that i can help him but the doctors say that  it can take up to 12 weeks and we are just sitting on 6 weeks now.. it has just ravaged his whole trunk that i dont know if  there is a come back from this.
 i try to console myself with the story of Job who  we are told suffered ailments and sores and the  Quran does mention him and his prayer - anii masaniya dhuru, anta arham rahimin..
 the best of prayers  is that which one utters for themselves but i am not even sure the prayer of a mother for her child carrys  weight.
 but i will try  because if he suffers then i too am suffering..
i am his mother and i want to see him well, i dont want to see him  the way he is - he looks like an eyesore.. i dont know what  to do to help him so i beg of the most gracious.
 we dont know if it is viral or fungal.. we think its the viral one... the doctors  think so too and say there is no treatment because he does not show any sign of distress. they say it will go by itself

 he is starting a new phase in his life and to have this in this crazy world where he will be looked at and pointed at bothers me and makes me feel bad for him.
 i am asking of thee lord to help him  please if not for him then on my behalf as his mother asking that you please care for my son.. that is him you have given me and it is him that i have dedicated to you.
 it is him with this little voice that remembers alhamdulilahi rabil alamin.. it is him that shouts with glee  - thank you God for everything.
 it is him o lord of ,mine please help me help him help us..

Thank you God for everything...

I want to huff my chest but gloating is  not good.  I want to show my feathers and shout.. about for the mercy of god shout that he has helped me and i can see it .... i can smell it ... i can touch it it is within my grasp..oh my lord please help  me reach it... help me touch it ...help me own it ....help me secure it.. that dream of mine....that dream of my child's.... that thing.. that  thing.... that something ... that one of those  things.
I want to thank the most   gracious  to really thank him like ever before to thank  him like thanking and i say from my heart... thank you God  for everything.. i got the email that the  boy is accepted  for his  care.. thank you for looking after me for him for helping us and with thy grace he will grow and progress in righteousness under your care..

seeking God

we are nearly there oh lord..
we are nearly there..
and by thy grace we shall reach there..
with your help we can be there..
keep me right my lord keep me right..
keep me firm and  walking straight.
 help me to succeed help me to  soar.. help me to progress help me to fly.
 if anything it  is you..
it is with your grace and  by your will.
 i seek to thee o lord
 i come to thee
for surely with my Lord, the best will be

Help

There are days my spirit fails me and i have no strength or fight left. I just resign...right now is like one of them days..i seek refuge from God  to help me change my outlook..

money woes

when you eagerly await money to come into your account and keep checking everyday is not  a good sign.. lolol God  there i was getting a phone call friday saying i will get this money by monday and nothing has shown up... lolol  i am trying to make this months end  so we get closer to our goal.. by your grace it will show up tomorrow.. only by your grace..

Thank you God for everything

My lord, i have fasted and relied on thee for my sustainance. I am grateful and thankful that i saw it through even with the break within i saw it through.  When things were bleak you kept me going. Thank you  very much. I ask for your blessings  and favour  on my in this life and the hereafter

My lord says: implore Him and He will respond to me

Blessed is the name of God. The one who has all authority and kingship. Blessed is the name of my lord the creator of all things. He has created me and provides for me good provisions. Most exalted is my lord, the lord of the universe. He is the living and there is no God except He.I worship him and  submit to Him alone.... this minute, right now, before and forever in my life.
Let this be my call onto thee.. as before..just like Zechariah made a secret call onto thee o lord..... i too ask from thee -in this  life and the hereafter- that which i am longing for and as i ask from the most gracious lord i never despair. I never despair because my lord has been most merciful onto me because my lord has always looked after me and given onto me so i ask from the most gracious lord and i will never despair. God is the best provider, the only provider.

Guide me to thee o lord and keep me glorifying and worshiping  thee always.

Make it  easy for me to learn and  progress and help me to set a good example for my children.. help me to teach them how  to worship  you alone and  help me to provide for them. All advancement progress and bounties comes from thee and thee alone. We ask for our own house with a garden..we ask for your care and blessings on us always we ask from the most gracious lord  the best provider. Help me to advance in this life and the hereafter and help me to be better and better in all things righteousness. Most  exalted is God the lord of the universe

Dear Lord i ask of thee

Dear Lord,
Here i am. I trust in you
You  are my God and my life is  in your hands.
You know my heart
You know my worries
Only you know the things that makes me afraid
Dear Lord, With your mighty hands please supply my needs and wants
As you fed the thousands  and healed the sick and calmed the storms and raised the dead
So keep me in the palm of your hands O lord my God.
Thy name be praised and exalted always for thou art the best provider

ramadan 2017

I owe 2 days fasting.. I have  been ill and I have to take medication. its actually 6 days.. had  tonsillitis and had to take medication.

 the medication course was 10 days but i am better now and i will just juggle as i would as i just want to get back to fasting - more for my psychological benefit than anything..
 i deliberated on taking the medication dry as i was struggling with my conscience as to whether this was classified as food or drink.. but in all honesty i don't know as there is no  reference.

 but one thing i do know is that the scripture has something like if you are travelling or ill then you can substitute the number of days for fasting for other days so in retrospect there is no great conscientious debate just substitute  the number for other days..

 but it is a psychological thing in which we  as those trying to be  worship feel or don't feel whole unless we are actually partaking in the fasting during the  month of ramadan itself.. but as with everything only God knows our utmost intentions and only he can judge

In the name of God

at this stage Lord,
 it is for me to loose it but i come to thee  asking that you set me upon a road and upon an path that  is secure.
 as I have asked  of you from my heart
I am making to you a secret call  - a call from my heart that only you know.
( i remember the arabic - idh nada rabahu nidhan khafiya ( not written properly but as i sound it in my head)
 you know what it is that  i long for.... what my heart yearns for
 Only you know what i need to help me to establish myself and secure a future for my children and this future and establishment  can only be achieved with thee..
 so in everything and in all things i come to thee O Lord seeking thy help.
 seeking from thee and thee only
 help me please lord help me to  do this and show me that it can be done
 stave my hunger lord.... stave my  lust and help me to achieve what i have been asking from thee
 Help me Lord help me please.
in this month  right at this day the 6th June 2017 let this be the key - the beginning that unlocks for me in the right and correct manner, that sets me off perfectly - in thy God is my beginning and in thy name God is my journey  so help me please Lord help me.

 for all praise is yours all authority kingship and glory in this like and the hereafter be thou Glorified my Lord.