this time last year

this time last year, where was i, what was i thinking what was i doing?
this time last year, how was i felling, what was my direction...

MG may thy name forever be praised, Glorified far far above all th eheavens an earth.

We are a couple of days from the start of ramadan. last year ramadan was not my best, but this ramadam Gw, i seek refige in thee o lord - to do that which i was not able to manage last year.
To hold onto thee vigourously, to praise thee eloquently, - for the full days - these things i pray.
to see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly follow thee more always, day by day.

this time last year, i sought refuge with my God and My God granted me safe passage.

this time this year, i seek refuge with my God again and gw my God will grant me shelter.

my Lord, the prayer remains - whatever my circumstances, whatever the condition, keep me praising thee still. in times of jubilations, in times of tribulations, keep be praising thee, where i may be, whatever i may be doing, keep me tied to thee. in my heart, in my mind , keep me glorifying thee, Guide me to they path, include me wih thy submitters, grant me righteousness in this life and in the next - Accept me in thy service and keep me devoted only to thee.

wedding chaos

i am finding it very interesting , peoples attitude to this marriage of a hting.

really i cnnot understand why there is such an outcry to celebrate a wedding in the manner other people want to.

firstly, i am no so comfortable with the mammoth costs associated with a wedding - i am not looking to break a bank, apply for a loan, commit robbery just to do a wedding celebration.

second - i am really not comfortabble with th rising costs due to initing people i mave not spoken o in 10 years, people who have never bother to call me or ask after me, who were nt there for my tears and trials, who have never offered me advise - this is my side of the family i am talking baout

thirdly i just would like a quiet day.

in all honesty, my dream for a wedding will be to invite all those who have see me grow, hve offered me advise, those i have looked up to, from the lady who used to sell stuff o/s my dada hospital - to brother victor - our family carpenter, to brother yekiki - our family mechanic, to my oliver - our gateman for some long a tim.. these are the people who have known me in my childhood, who spent time humoring me with all my insessant questions...

the true cost of getting these people - the ones i call special, is in actual fact a lot - because they are all in nigeria. however not withstanding, i am not one who buys into galavanting celebration to show off just because it is a wedding.

the most important thing on this day is the fact the me and my husband stand before God, seeking his blessings and support for our union.
civil wedding is for the law and we must abide by the laws of the land - but Gods law is more important to me

some have called it rushed, some have said its arranged - just because we say we want a simple wedding - no fuss, just simple.. God help us.

really, when it comes to my family and this lesson i learnt from my 30th birthday - i will try gw never let anyone hijack my day and do things that i really dont want -

blurgh

sometimes all energy leaves my body making me feel blurrrrgh..
i feel tired and lack- lustre..

i am having one of those moments now..

help me lord

help and guidance is needed my Lord as always, as ever

MG i dont know, maybe i am scared but i will not let fear stand in my way.
With thee at hand to guide and bless, by your grace all will be well.
MG help us please to get to the right decision, make the right choices and get a favourable response.
Help us to unerstand, to develop, help us with knowledge and wisdom, logic and application.
MG you are Provider, you are the best Provider.

As always i leave important decisions to thee, after due consultation( more like talking to thee and asking help) with thee.
you are the one who guides, my Lord.

Guide us to your path, keep us devoted to thee, holding on to thee alone. accept us in your service and grant us rc....... as always My Lord, the dream is one family, united - one family devoted to thee, worshipping thee, holding on to thee, relying on thee, submitting to thee alone.

EGO- toooooo much emails.. what else can i say MG.. simples

http://masjidtucson.org/submission/perspectives/more/traits/unity.html



MG we need help, we need calm we need tolerance , we need understanding, we need guidance.
only you can provide..

help us.

my decision stands, and may God guide us all.

Father

Mg what can i say?
what do i do.

disappointed is not the word - ashamed, fraustrated, livid, rejected..

but in anycase, there is God - whatever it is, it was, i dont want to be party to any games or tomfoollery.

so it was with prayer that i made my decision - seeking God as my strenght - i will nt back down that decision and no amount of emotional blackmail will get me to back down that decision.
Gw I will not shirk my responsibilities to either of my parents
but you have let me down in the most humiliating way possible for me. but not to worry I am grateful to God that i know this now and there is no denying the fact.

my part is with God , will always be and remain so gw.
God provides for me and i am grateful.
i have said long long ago - there is nothinhg i require from you, nothing i need from you.
i have done what is required by me, and that is all i can do...

help is needed from the as always My Lord

i need ur help Mg totake hold of me,
to guide me and to inspire me
i meed ur help Mg to support me
in all things right, good and just
i need ur help Mg to direct me
in all things right, good and just

let me not alone dear Lord
lest i go astray....

in my every day, eveey thought every wish and every prayer
let me forever say - be thou glorified Most Gracious Lord.

simples

#My Lord, allow me to be appreciative of th eblessing that you have bestowed upon me and to do the righteous works that pleases thee.
Admit me by thy mercy into the company of thy righteous servants.
Admit me a honororable admitance and let me depart a honorable depature and grant me from thee a powerful support.

c'est complique

i seek your forgiveness and pardon most gracious... over this matter - if i have overlooked and not understood properly.
i seek your pardon if i hve done as my mind wanted and i ask of thee to help me to do better in future.

i sek your help and assiatance over this matter Mg and i seek refuge with thee....

c'est complique - this is my plight this evening..

you have given me and i am grateful, je n'est cest pas comment dire

MG we need your help

inspiration, tolerance and understanding

i say it now and i say it again,
THANKS IS DUE TO THEE MG FOR ALL YOUR INSPIRATION AND GUIDANCE.

when i feel that i am loosing my way - that i am loosing grip with the most important thing in my life - God , i find renewed strenght and inspiration in the most unlikely places.

I remember what i wrote to someone back in 2007 - i dont know why i was rummaging through my sent mail, but i just went there and i found this email - when reading it - i thought this was someone else - this cannot be me, but it was and is me. that determination that i had is gw my strenght and gw will inspire me to do the right things at all times in all circumstances

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I have contemplated writing to you but i had no real humph to do so but i am hoping at least you can help me by shedding some light on issues bothering me. I dont know why it is taking me long to do.

My first issue has to do with mind wandering during prayer. how do i combat this issue. I am asking God for forgiveness and help to keep my mind from wondering to silly things and to keep some crazy voices in my head at bay so as to allow me say my prayers. I dont mind if the mind wonders at other times, but not during prayers, if you have experienced this before what do you suggest. i am trying to keep an open mind during prayers but my crazy mind just wonders everywhwre. i have tried praying in a quiet room, so that the tv, or people noice dont affect or distract me. can you advise me pls.

the second issue at the moment is a long standing one. basically, i wanted to marry a lovely young man, who i loved deeply but i kept holding back because of my faith. i wanted to make sure that we both belived in god and in God only and when i was asking him he would say yes he did. he is christian.
When i took the courage to ask if he only believed in God only and that when he prayed does he pray to God directly then i fully knew the intentions in his mind. I stayed with him still hoping for a miracle that maybe we have cross wires somewhere and that maybe a miracle will happen becasue i did love him and i believed he did me. We even called the whole thing off but somehow we got back together. He does not mind to marry me as a muslin and he says he will allow me practice as a muslim, but i am reluctant to marry him because when he prays he prays in the name of jesus, and he has said he cannot pray in the name of God , the Creator, the Magnificient.
While still hanging in Limbo, he decded to give me an ultimatum and i did not fight his choice because it was the right thing to do( i was more cowardly to do it. but As God willed it, it happened that we split for goood as we both had to state our intentions fully) I delibrated over matters much and i decided that my relationship with God is much more important to me than any relationship with him or with any one person. but i have to admit that it is very hard moving on as i know that i do love him, but God has done so much more for me that I cannot forsake God for anyone. In a way i have always had suspicions from young that I may find myself in this situation. now i am not regretting my actions but if i am truthful i am finding it hard to move on because i still have feelings for him.
I have tried in so many ways to explain to him the beauty in God the beauty and the simplication in worshiping God alone, but he will not listen. Though he says he does listen to me, his mind is closed on the matter and i am aware of that.
So my situation, is how do i move on and be strong in heart.
I try to read the quran to affirm my spirit and i try to pray to God to give me strenght, but i still cry. I understand that i am human and the loss of what i thought was dear will cause me to grieve. the crying is much much much less as the year goes by but at times when i remember i still do.....
how can i fully detatch myself from this person???

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God be praised and magnified always, in my life, in my heart, in my thoughts, in my mind - whatever my circumstances Lord, keep me praising thee always.

On to another issue -

friday night was a strange night for me.
i went to see prince of persia and whilst the enthusiasm for playing and fooling around childishly left me early enough as my playmate didnt want to play - i was rather plunged into a melancholy mood and dispair - the movie was ok - not too great - but some interesting messages crept up in my mind and this reduced me to tears.

if i could turn back the hands of time - would i change anything?

this is the million dollar question that does not have a straight answer.

I would love to say yes and say that i wish that i was forever faithful to God all the years of growing up - that i was firm of mind and intentions, that i would not be so easily mislead by peer pressure, that i was devoted to God both in words,in acions and deeds.

at the same time, i will say no, because i know that my circumstances have helped in making me realise my devotion to God, have shaped me to accept what i feel to be true, and has helped me to become the better person/soul that i have always wanted to be.

and at the though of my life and past mistakes - and at the present thought of knowing that slowly i may be slipping away from my nightly devotions, i plunged into despair and i was crying. God dont let me go, Hold on to me forever and dont let me go, dont let the devil take control of me, dont let him succeed, keep me in thy service always, forever praising thee, God dont let me go. this is what was in my head all evening long back to the house.

it was weird, i was sad and i was distraught, and i forgot somethng Lord, my playmate that was with me, i didnt talk to him.

even that night when he wanted to talk to me, i didnt know what to say to him, to tell him that my mood although initially had something to do with him, had in actual fact nothing to do with him at all.
but i was able to talk and for the first time ever i said it out loud - that crazy dream which still haunted me, that dream that made me realise that i have to fight for my soul - with all heart and intention - that i have to deserve that place in paradise - that all the talking in the world is nothing compared with the intention and actions that follows it up. i told him -

help me to understand him and help him to understand me - this prayer i asked of thee O lord, and that night you made me realise that understanding isnt just by inspiration alone - it is by sharing our fears, hopes and aspirations. it is by communication.

i am not the best communicator my Lord, so please help me....
as with moses who asked of thee, " untie a knot from my speech that they may understand me" - or somethings to that effect.

i also learnt an big big lesson - Tolerance - and what it really means.
for me tolerance is - overlooking that which i dont necesarily understand or agree with. We are not the same, we can never be, our culture is not the same, our language is not the same, our up-bringing is not the same, our generations are not the same, there is about a good 9 years difference -

tolerance is knowing and accepting this fact - that there are some actions/behaviour that he may exhibit that i dont understand/ or cannot rationalise because i think they are weird but likewise there are some actions/behaviour that i may exhibit that he may not understand or be able to rationalise either.

tolerance is knowing to ask of thee my Lord, help us to understand each other - have patience with each other, support each other.

tolerance is knowing not to get upset when i cannot rationalise a behaviour or action, it is understanding that in these differences lies a strenght that with patience is revealed -

My Lord, in may things, i am not of strong mind, in many issues I dont know about life and i am very naive and trusting to my own detriment - but trusting in thee is not a misfortune, holding onto thee is not a calamity and it can never be.

So my Lord, i trust in thee wholly and i seek your support and assistance.

Mg i am grateful for every mercy, every guidance, every inspiration and every provision that you have allowed me and afforded me. I am thankful for every kindness and support that you show me. and I pray Mg that you continue this on me always - in this life and in the hereafter.

for all praise is yours, all authority, Kingship and Gloy, in this life and in the hereafter - Be thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord.

Priorities

Life is all about choices, "what to do", "how do i do", "what to say", "when to say" bla bla bla

choices - in my view is about making priorities, those things that are important to you, nourishing and developing people, interests that are dear to you.

most important priority is God, i reckon this should be the same for everybody else - establishing contact regularly, trying to be the best that you can be for God, for your soul and for the hereafter.
then i reckon family comes next - your loved ones, making time to know them, spend time with them, be there for them,
then i reckon life - this is all about your interests, your passions, living life, enjoying God's bounties.

choices differs, priorities differs......
so what to do when you cant reconcile choices and priorities??

i reckon, that there is no such thing as this, because its is all about tolerance, understanding that what is high on your list may not necessarily be high on another persons list - likewise what you consider to be important may be easily dismissed by another.

but then again i reckon that there needs to be an overhanging balance - or a give way point - for , which is common ground - priorities need to be within range of themselves - however the order of grouping may be different - but not tooooo different.

this life is weird MG, i wont lie - trying to understand it and make sense of it whilst at the same time, being true to myself, to thee... i guess as frank sinatra sings it - " Thats Life!!

MG

MG so many things are runing through my mind, some amplified, some stark realites and some a figment of situaitons.
in all circumstances Lord, keep me tied to thee always.

Nothing but it is still something

i guess in life there are 3 ways to look a situation.
There is my way
There is your way ... and
There is the way it is.

as such there are 3 ways to describe an activity

there is getting to know you
there is nothing

and there is nothing but getting to know you.

comme si comme sa.

then again in life it is not about my way, or your way... it is about the way it is.
the way it is is the fairest amongst all. it is the truth tht we must all strive to acknowledge and accept wether we like it or not...
Truth is reality and accepting reality is being in the present.

Subbuhum Quddusun - All glory be to the Most High Lord

Subbuhun Quddusun
Rabbul Malaikatu wa ruhu Alaa -Al-Arshi Istawa
La dafi 'a lima qada wa la mani'a lima a'taa
Yaf'allu man yuridu fi mulkihi
Wa yahkumu fi khalqihi bima yashau
Wa huwa ala kulli shayin Qadir.

Most Glorious The Holiest
Lord of the angels and the spirit - Who is firmly established in His Throne
No one hinders what You(God) have decreed and no one prevents what You(God) give
You (God) do what You(God) will in Your dominion and You(God) rule Your creation with whatever You(God) will. You (God) are Omnipotent.

this is what is on my lips tonght...
Most Exalted are You my Lord - the one true God, there is no other God but Thee. Be thou glofiied Most Gracious Lord.

my trust is in thee

MG,
in amidst the crazy events of today, i can see a blessing.
and i am reminded of solomons prayer - my lord, allow me to be appreciative of the blessings that you have bestowed on me and to do the righteous works that pleases thee. Admit us by thy mercy into the company of your righteous servants
i am truly grateful for monsieur, my lord, i was touched by his email of kind words to strenghten my spirit - i did not expect that - it made me proud and glad for the leader that you have made him and given me.

in some ways it also makes me sad, because i want to be with him i want to be his wife, i want us to live together but i dont know how/when this will come about

Yes my lord, it scares me but i have said that i am willing to give it all up and go away to be with him, to live under your guidance with peace and security.
but my greatest fear is that i dont want to be a financial obligation to him.
I am already a financial obligation to myself through my wrong actions but thanfully and with your help i am slowly removing myself from that.

remember God, many a times have i asked you crying to thee, in my times of despair - to remove me from this place, i have asked thee to give me an escape, and in some ways you have provided me with it, but i cant see the window that is open for me.

i guess Lord it is patience - and madamme tutu knows that she is very impatient - but by thy grace will learn the patience.

tonight my lord, my praise goes to thee as always - more than ever - for i am grateful for your support and help and guidance. and i ask for thy forgiveness, ease in time of difficulty, patience, determination to do that which must be done - to do the right thing -
i ask for us your support, and help and assistane, your blessings and direction - to make things easy for us, to guide us and keep our family together in thy path.

i am going to bed MG, as always my trust is in thee - Most Gracious, Exalted Lord.

For all praise is yours, All Authority, Kingship and Glory. In this life and in the hereafter, Be thou Glorified Most Gracious Lord.