Appreciation

 st points in my life when i achieve something i never thought i would, i like to write a piece and today is no different.
 God - i thank you - did i ever think i would reach this stage - never  at all - did i think i could be free of it - no.

 it is still an issue -  the desire to have things - not knowing what is actually good for me or not.
 but with your grace and blessing - I will surely overcome it.

 so today i closed my RAC
 after about  almost 9 years - today i am doing what is right.

 i guess i put myself on this path because i never really understood money and its effect on my ego and desire.
 i always wanted what others wanted - i never wanted to be outdone - the people i looked up to were flashing at me and i wanted to stay on the same par - albeit as legally as i could
 so if someone could have "that something" so could i.

 i set myself on the path in that the friends i  had who influenced me in the wrong path -  my misguided loyalty at thinking people were my friends when in fact i was their sucker -
 friends who cannot tell you what for what - or at least tell you their truth or common truth/sense - are not friends at all.
 it  has  taken me a very very long time to realise this.
when i was someone i knew i was not just to please so  called friends.
 when i did  things i should not do just because i wanted to be part of a friend group  so i had people i could talk to/ socialise with - Even when i knew deep down it was wrong.
 I closed of my conscience for social interaction -
 i was  sooo lonely and soooo glad of a friendly word/affection i mistook that for trust and good intentions.

 but God willing we learn from our mistakes and God willing  i will learn  by Gods grace i will learn.

so God - a big resounding THANK YOU - that you have enabled me to be able  to reach this stage in my life - to be able to understand why i was in that stage. - My Lord thank you.

Blessed are thou My Lord of all ages and of all times. who does bestow upon my his grace and blessings.
 thank You