challenge??

 some  issues highlighted for me at work today and i dont know how to reconcile them.
 we had a bonus talk to which i was told what my performance contribution is 5.2( something like that - versus what a performing 5.76( something like that) candidate will be.

 now i am grateful - God knows that i am - but i was dumbstruck and i didnt think or process the thoughts clearly.

 in the first instance Lord i am sorry because what i should have said was my Lord allow  me to be appreciate of the blessings that you have bestowed on me and to  do the righteous works that pleases you. i should have added My Lord possessor of sovereignty who gives to whomever He wills and withholds from whomever He wills. My provider thank you.

 that i got something is a blessing from god and i am eternally grateful..

 what i think perturbed me is the unspoken or assumed implication by me that i am under-performing.
 and i am asking myself - that is something that is hard for me to swallow.
 i would have thought at the very least  that i am hitting my targets

 but i dont understand it and i dont want to analyse it till i have the facts at hand.

 i am resolved Gw to ask for how calculations are - what is 5.2% and how have they arrived at this
 likewise what is 5.76 % - what are the measures involved.

it is not about the money - Lord knows - poor as i am i didnt even think about or consider a bonus so i am grateful but it is about my worth i think - in terms of effort i put in at work  beyond what is required.

 i would hate to think  that i am giving less than their money's worth to me - as that  is unease for me.

 but if i am being taken for granted then that will be unease for me.

it is not a new way of working - it is the same way of working only that it has been re-branded - there is more scope for investigative work as opposed to before where one is on a tight leash -
i dont  buy into re-branding but i am for one  call spade a spade and but efficient working towards a goal -

 i am thinking am i being penalized for how i work -  if it i snot satisfactory then tell me and i will try to identify the issue and resolve it - am i being penalized for being fast - i multitask that is how i  work, it is not right for everyone but its right for me - i am not asking to be someone else i am asking to be me.

 lord this is not arrogance by any way at all - cos i am upset by it the thought that i am under performing - there is a pride that i take in myself in my work that i do my best and i do my job that i dont slack and i give more than they ask - and i guess that is what is being challenged.

 the areas of measurements the challenge is what i have to consider.