test of time..

i try to be a good daughter, to look out for my mother.
 but i fail in that i am quick to  temper and react to her manipulations.
 each time i fail
 why is it that God uses her to test me.. this test i am doomed to fail
honor your father and mother.. i remember this but i try to  do this but it is not easy.
 God did not tell me that they will test your patience.. they will try to suffocate and stifle you
she can sometimes be  vile and  her actions can sometimes be cruel and i more than any siblings am at the receiving end of this..
 i want to be a better daughter but most times i fail
 i try to keep distance between us because experience has taught me this is sometimes best
 when she is upset she has to look to upset someone close by and i am the rabbit  receiving the shot
lord give me strength - each time i tell myself i will learn to do better but i keep falling back into the same old trap
 each time i tell myself i will turn the other cheek but i  don't
God give me patience
 the old feelings of  mistrust  and fear keeps flooding back into my head
  and i am trying to keep them at bay
 for i ask myself what kind of a mother is this..

Lord help me to be different for my children,
 to love them in totality to be honest with then, to support then to guide them in truth founded on reality.
 not to be duplicitous with them,  help me to be different.

 i guess this should be the thought for each person - Lord i want to be better  for my children than my parents were with me..By thy grace i can be better..