tired

this life troubles me Most Gracious.
it troubles me.
sometimes i ask myself the question - what is the purpose of life - not that i dont have an answer to it - my answer i guess will be generic in saying that the purpose of my life is to worship Thee and redeem myself to be in thy constant favour in paradise.

then i look at my life from start look at my growing up, look at my youth and teenage years look at myself in my early and late 20's.... i dont have much to say for myself...

if i were to die now - what will i leave behind - the true answer to that is nothing... .. i mean on a spiritual sense.... what has my soul done for itself to prepare for the hereafter....

only God knows...

in my maze to try to worship God and trawl through the many many religious laws that we have .... in wondering which is correct, which is false, which is inspiration and which is mad ramblings.... how do i know that i am on the right path...

will I be cast out away from thee will i be able to stay true to my hearts calling, will i stay with God even in the face of persecution?

so many questions so many theories enters my mind...

do i want to live long - the honest answer to that is no... for i fear i may lose my soul.... the chance is there to err, to fall off the path, to be more arrogant, to enable my ego.... with long life - but at the same time - with long life is the opperunity to redeem my soul as long as God guides me to his path...

God i am tired... my spirit is tired.....this life troubles me, its many wayward notions of worshiping thee, its many religions and interpretations of what God wants us to to.. leads many to a spiralling downfall... God i am tired.....

all in all i can only ask of thee - to guide me and keep me in path to thee - to help me to worship thee, glorify and praise thee.I can only ask of thee to accept me in this life and in the hereafter. To have mercy on me and to forgive me the many wrongs that i have committed knowingly or unknowingly..
to strenghten me in thy worship and never to let me forget thee, to keep thy remembrance in my heart always, in my mind and to help me overcome my demons...