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yes peeps, that is how i am feeling at the moment... oh! and by the way so are women
I am sitting here, cannae sleep: women pains and all that!!

you know it never ceases to amaze me how my body changes every month owing to periods and everything that comes with it....
PEriods: i cannae do without them, i wanna do without some of the things it comes with....

This morning out of the bloom!!! (lol: private joke) i was perchanced to notice a subtle change in my physique... wow! that blew me off slightly cos normally i do notice these things and take account of them, but this month i guess i have not really been myself ( alien abduction) that i have lost touch with my body.

it is weird you know, for as long as i can remember it is always been a struggle... PAIN, mood swings, cramps, headaches, food cravings and hyperactivity... actually looking at it now, not all of it has been a struggle... but even in its worst state, i am still thankful for it,, because in some way it establishes normality for me and makes me feel whole.

and by gosh, this thing has a system of its own with its own set of rule books and occassionally it changes them... just when i think i have mastered it... then it throws me a curve ball....

it used to be.. eat loads of sugar before then you get less pain and cramp,, then that changed to eat no sugar then u get no pain.. then it was eat chocolates at a particular stage then it was eat no chocolate... it is like the thing gets used to the external soother and becomes immune to it... if there is such a word...

right now i need to go to the toilet but i am sooooo afraid because i know what i will have to deal with...
at least i know not to do a number 2 within the first 3 days because lord help me if i do.... however much my crazy body wants to lul me into a sense of insecurity by telling me that i need to go to the toilet.. i know for sure that it aint true!!! even if i believe it and go.... i guarantee you i will be sitting there with a sixpence worth of shit in the bowl... nothing to account for the feeling of elephant load of shit in my bowels...

i remember when would rub my belly, and hold me tight while the cramp heaves and lightens...

fuck that... i still cannae sleep... i am in pain and i need to sleep...