Thursday, 25 September 2008

Smear This.........

I have just been back from the doctors.
Mainly to see them about this nasty cough that I have when I was cornered by one of the nurses who told me I was due for a cervical smear. Apparently they have been chasing me to come and have one done but have been unable to get hold of me.

Do I have a problem with the smear? Well….. Maybe yes I do and maybe I don’t.

I don’t because it’s a check that my woman regions are working fine and dandy… so I recognise the benefit in doing this.

I also do because, hell, it’s an invasion of my privates that I have knownfully kept private. So the thought of “open wide and take a deep breath” holds me with abject fear.

I had a dream last night about sex and about opening legs etc. Thankfully I kept mine clamped fully shut. (This did not bear much importance when I woke up this morning other than praying to God pleas help me not to have such dreams again: but today the opportunity presented itself for the smear and so the dream came to mind.)

Anyhow,
I went over not knowing what to expect…
Either something embarrassing will happen to me while at the doctors or “don’t know what”
Knowing fully well, that if it should happen, it would happen to ME as I am always the clumsy one that things just happen to.
Someone walks in and catches me without any pants on
my pussy would stink ( thank God I know for a fact this is not so)
I would fart and stink the place up
I would have an orgasm on the table

This list can be endless depending on how worked up I want my mind to be, - I have to exercise a bit of caution here and stop with this little list so far

Well, back to this smear thing,
Nice lady she was, talked me through a set of questions asked about contraception and gave me a kind of a disapproving look when I said I don’t use any

Ehm Ehm, Mrs.!!!
The follow on question would have been, “is u having sex”? And that would have set her mind at ease.

At this point, my mind started to calculate the last time I has sex………and Thank God for that.

Anyhow she said to take my trousers off and lie down on the examination table, so dutifully as I am (sometimes) I complied with this directive.

She came over, asked me to part my legs………
Asked me to feel comfortable and relaxed
Asked me to part my legs wider and let them flop to the side

(Honestly I cannae do this job this woman is doing, imagining looking at someone else’s thing… ha ha ha ha, I would be dying with laughter or uncontrollable giggles if that were me)

So, to sort of calm me down she started to ask about work and what I done so we had a sort of mini conversation, while me being aware of the forceps she was about to protrude inside me.

So it went in and bloody Hell!!! It was painful!!!
I had to take several deep breaths to cope with this damn thing travelling up inside me….. Then she started to expand the stuff as well, so that she could get a swab of the cervix.

The whole experience has terrified me and I thought to put it down in words.

SO right now, I feel violated….. Violated because I haven’t been in this situation for a long time, also because it bloody hurt!!!

I am half expecting an onslaught of blood to trickle down my legs.

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