That was then……….
How is it that these main religions are so similar but still so far apart?
That was what was tearing me apart….
You kind of know that you were meant to be with each other when you met i.e. that persons compliments you and you him, together the both of you could make a difference and people noticed the compliment (aside from a few chinks that had to be sorted amongst yourselves i.e. issue of sharing, selfishness,) but reality said it was not to be. It was a classic case of christian boy and muslim girl. A lot of it i felt had to do with the fact that i was conscience heavy and very much aware of the fact that i didnt want to end up dammed by God to hell. By then i had worked it out that the religion was not important but what was important was the worship of God. but in our case, which version of God would we worship and how would we set about worshipping God.
It could have been wishful thinking on our paths, each thinking that we would adopt each others positions, but i know both of us were firm when we say believe what we each believe in.
I believe on a large scale that we all want to direct our worship to the same God but because of reported speech and post reported speech, things have gone haywire along the way and has made the cohesiveness of people via worshipping God difficult.
Maybe I was clutching at a day dream but I just refused to accept that two people who were very passionate about God like us did could not see a way to get past all the reality baggage and find a way forward…. See, it may have been easy with just the two of us, but when there is talk of children, there in lies another set of responsibilities one cannot take lightly.
Marriage to him would have meant i believed in his version of God (as i understand from his view he wanted his family to go to church together every sunday, i dont share this view, i have even stopped going to main stream mosques because of what i feel is mis-representation of worshipping God there). The only way i could rationalise his version ( the version had to do with One God and worshipping one God not worshipping God through jesus/mohammed) is that God as the creator of us all is our father and in that sense we eash are sons and daughters of God, but that one person set aside from us all who is special cos he is the only son of God, that I do not believe and can not believe. I cannot rationalise Jesus as God nor can i rationalise God/Jesus as part of a trinity. May God the Creator be glorified and praised, far above anyones claim that He be part of a trinity or that He has a son.
I believe in the holy spirit cos i feel God instigated that for the birth of his messenger/prophet jesus, whose birth alone is a miracle/sign from God that he is able to do and undo. He ( God) alone is the Lord of the Universe. what i believe is that jesus is a man like any other man but his special character was that he was chosen by God to deliver his message, as was all other prophets - moses, mohammed etc.
I have been searching for God and at the same time running from God most of my life. Its funny how that sounds… I know God and I fully know God is real, and I have been a closet worshipper of God, only worshipping in my head but not through my actions (don’t know why)
I was born a muslim and I appreciate all my fore-fathers struggles and tribulations long long long time ago where they must have picked up the religion maybe as slaves to some Arab merchant etc ( could have been another way too, but I think this is more romantic/idealistic) nonetheless, I have always found that as a child it was a chore to practice the religion of my father ( this could also be that my father was not the best example of practicing Islam, from my view that is, but then maybe that was my destiny). For some reason it never gelled with me, the forced beating if we did not say our prayers, the forced going to Quranic school learn how to read the Quran ( though I enjoyed this part probably cos I received praise from the teachers as I was able to pick up fast etc). I tried to practice, I failed, I tried and failed, each time promising I would set a new leaf, but it just did not sink in.
My lovely gave me a saying on history, which is basically His- story. someones account of past events. but my my reasoning, history is severly flawed because people always make sense of anything first before reporting it back to others. The process of reporting adds their meaning to their account, so through the simple practice of chinese whispers/reported speech, some vital message may be lost. The way i see it, every message of God should be in its original form, it is for each and everyone of us to make sense of it for ourselves because ultimately its a choice we are going to have to make - gw God guide us to the truth and set us on the right path.
I have always felt that there was more to worshipping God than the things one has been told and seen about practicing religion, Things which sometimes seem to mess my brain up time after time. I have read the Quran from cover to cover, in Arabic at first cos it was regulation. I did not understand a word other than from being told by teachers/father that “Oh that surah Is a powerful surah, you use it when….. blab la bla” Even without knowledge ( not that I am claiming to have any now) I read the quran by myself in English, things popped out and they differed from what was being preached about the religion… anyway
It was through meeting and knowing him and being faced with our predicament that I had a bit of oomph, to want to find about my religion. There I was faced with the reality that with marriage comes Gw children and with children comes a responsibility to make sure that you lead by example and not lip service. I have felt my dad was not the best example of the religion for me and I have told God that, “that is not the same example I want to set for my children”. If I don’t know who my God is, how can I tell my children about worshipping God???
Anyhow,
I remember my malim saying to me that if you make supplications to prophet mohammed, 1 times its like you have said it 10 times, and if you do it 10 times its like you have said it 100 times and so on and so on, and if you can ever do it 1 million times or something like that, you are definitely going to paradise.
So you can imagine me as a child wanting to get to 1 milla supplications to prophet mohammed, if I ever wanted anything from God, you do a supplication to the prophet mohammed??? Go figure…
But hey! I don’t know if there is anybody now who still believes that stuff, because now I do not.
The worship of God has always been the same and now I found some notable similarities btw the 3 major religions which rests in what we call the 10 commandments.
Some say its “Hear, O Israel, the lord our God is one God, therefore you shall adore the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength”. Also check Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (there is more with these themes across the entire Bible)
For others its starts with “we made a convenant with the children of Israel that you shall not worship except God” also check Quran 3:18. (There is more with these themes across the entire Quran)
What then struck me, was that if we could all agree the very first commandment (using the 10 commandments as a guide) is right and serves as a guide, then how have we all accumulated differences along the way to such a degree that we have made living together a chore and a hazardly thing.
Sometimes, I envy those who lived in the time of our prophets Abraham, Moses, Jesus (which co-incidentally we also share across the religions) cos the got Gods message in its un-adulterated form without man made rules and laws ( don’t even know if would have believed in God or not??)
One of the few things that I have read and I have come to adopt is the story of Abraham who I consider to be someone who was clearly devoted to God and from whose heritage the arabs and jews descended from. Abraham worshiped God, had passion for God and God blessed him. I feel he made a covenant with God that all his descendants would worship God and accept God as their only God and saviour.
In any case as a result, my interpretation of events is that God Almighty, sends special people to remind us human folk of the convenant that our fore father Abraham made with him and to remind us to only worship God and no one else. To remind us that we should only rely on God, the creator of the universe, to put our trust and faith in God alone.
Several times before meeting him I had been searching for my religious identity (though not successful) and I must admit I wasn’t ready to ask myself the important questions about God. I was afraid and did not want to hear the truth (everyone’s truth if different but I feel that paramountly, there is only one established truth – God) because the truth would cause havoc in my life.
Can someone please tell me or can someone not sit down and think, how come with all these similarities in these religions, we still cannot get on?? It defies belief for me.
Haba! We can agree on abraham, on jesus, on moses and pharaoh, on jonah (so many more by the way). These people I mentioned are messengers of God who have delivered the message directed to them by God and they have don’t their bit, died and their soul gone to where God has allowed their soul to go to. It is now up to us each as individuals to try and seek the true message of God, which according to me is worshipping, praising, relying on God alone and no one else.
I did a bit of questioning about what I had been taught about Islam and to be honest I never fully identified with it because apart from that every aspect of what they called worship felt like a chore, it just did not gel with me as I felt there had to be more to what these people are saying, I felt everything contradicted the Quran, what people said and what they practiced was different. Those who claim to be knowledgeable on Islam had different rules for themselves and people they preached to (but then again I shouldn’t let the practices and actions of one person hinder my view of life and religion)
At the time what I refused to accept was what I call the portrayal of Islam in the worlds eye – killing and hatred and thinking that you are high and mighty above everyone else.
When I was in secondary school, in islamic studies, we were taught 4 holy scriptures – the injil, zaboor, taorat and quran which I roughly translate to mean the bible, psalms, old testament/ statute book and quran. But is it not just a laugh seeing most muslims only identifying with the quran??? ( I can understand the argument of adulteration the scripture but I feel the Quran is there to consolidate and confirm what should have been and events that we were meant to be aware of, so if it has been mis-represented the seek clarification from God through the quran, the last scripture)
By my way of growing up and attending a catholic school for most of secondary school, I have come to know and appreciate the bible for what it is…guidance from God.. especially the psalms. Quite a lot of the psalms have in their the beginning Lord and I feel refer to God and ask God for help because God is the King of hosts, the Almighty, the Lord eternal, Protector from harm and Lord the merciful. In most particular ones that struck me what narrations that david wept and cried onto the Lord for help and only onto the LORD GOD for help.
Does anyone identify with the theme I am making here??
Anyways, to each his own belief.
To God belongs all there is in the heavens and the earth, all we wee and that which we do not see is created by god. Why can’t we realise that the god we all so want to worship is just one God.
The scriptures are there to serve as guidance and a beacon for us to worshipping god, the Quran as it is - a message from God with directions about worshipping God.
The Quran preaches submission to the will of God and not that of any man or race. It preaches peace among men, remembering the convenant of the children of Israel with God – no killing, regarding the parents, relatives, praying, charity- it also preaches that God is the only judge of who is a sinner ad who is not. It is not for any person to cast a glance and say for sure that you , me , he, or she is dammed… how do we know even sef? What if it was them that done the casting that was dammed, we don’t even know. We only think we do.
Another thing that I found out in the quran, that made things clear for me, was the one that said that we should treat all the messengers of God as the same i.e. they are all messengers of god, so there fore do not make any distinctions amongst them. Which for me I can infer to mean praise one messenger highly and praise others less highly.
So the whole point of this outburst was to consider how us religions can live together happily, either through marriage or otherwise.
My answer is to do away with all the adulterations and fabrications of the message of God and just stick to worshipping God alone. God who is the Lord of the universe, God who is the creator. This is hard I am quite sure; you normally find that the right thing seems to be the hardest thing to so however when done, it’s simple and things flow freely, with guidance from God it is possible.
May God guide us to the truth and allow us to worship Him as he should be…
I have said before that I feel the way one is taught and shaped from birth decides what you consider as truth/dear to you and what your parents teach you about God is what you will hold as your foundations unless your destiny is otherwise. I say this because what you hold to will form the basis of your outlook on life and it’s a Herculean task to leave it behind and adopt some different way of thinking. (This is why I do not take the role of parenthood lightly, it’s a huge responsibility one has - the upbringing of a child - you have to be strong and firm of mind and pray regularly to God to give you the best direction towards this task)
But then again, who amongst us is going to have the courage to start questioning the assumptions they have been made to believe from childhood. God guides those he will, May God guide us all.
Anyhow, As much as I do not want to regret my encounter with him firstly because I do not like to do regret especially when you have learned from an experience and you can take away from it. Secondly because I can say that I have loved someone in my life (this for me is a big fete cos I know the sort of person I am) and forsaken all others I would have been content to be his partner, his wife, his lover, his mistress, his cook, his seamstress, gw the mother of his children (as long as we could work out the selfishness/consideration issues, which I have to admit were mostly on my part).
Some of you have said things would be a lot easy if i had gone for someone who was also a muslim but i have to admit its not just as easy as that. While its easy to say i am going to marry a muslim, but what if, that muslim was not sincere and just wants to accept he was born a muslim and thats that. I am looking for sincererity in faith ( not that thats for me to judge by the way) I am looking for a leader in my marriage, not one who does not understand his stance in life and his relationship with God. I am looking for a role model for my children, not just a muslim who plays lip service and does other things on the back ground. I am looking for sincerity in faith and openess about worshipping one God. I am looking for someone who directs all his worship to God and God only, not through any prophet/messenger. Someone who idolises God only and not idolising/praising any prophet/messenger.
Ultimately its each person for themselves, and each persons faith/belief is a mater for them and not a matter of comtemplation by their partner/wife/family. However, associating yourself to someone who you fully know does not believe as you do, is only recipe for heartache and division down the line. Because as with human nature, you will begin to resent them and move apart from them. On a basic scale, if your foundation is solid, then the house you build will be solid as well. So if the foundation of my life is God and only One God, not any prophet/messenger/scholar/malim/preacher then I believe everything else is a doddle. With God you cannot fail. May God guide us to his path.
Anyhow, I was meant to meet him (lovely) the way I did, and after just talking to him for 5 hours in a stretch I knew I was meant to be with him. I had a choice to make, which in some ways, I knew we would have to make because it was staring at us in the face once we started talking about ourselves and our belief systems. So the choice has been made, and it was scary, at times it was easy because he made it easy for me by instigating things. He was rushing for perfect - I am the least perfect person I know. He was hurrying to settle down and I would not settle until I found myself and I knew who I was so that I could be the best wife/mother/lover I could be.
So many XX years on I need closure and need to move on.
A part of me would probably always share a connection with him, because I cannot describe to you what sort of connection we had. He could even say there was no connection, for all I know he could say we were bad for each other.
Moving forward, for all my friends/parents/family that eagerly want me to settle down. I too want to settle down, but I am not prepared to settle for less.
I pray to God for a partner who loves God deeply, someone that we share can a sentiment together emotionally, sexually and gbo-gbo-ally, someone who shares a connection with me as I – him. Someone who will tolerate me, be kind and gentle with me, be considerate with me, will treat me as a partner – not a slave or a possession, someone who will have patience with me (cos you might need it) as I would for him as well, I know I have asked for someone who Loves God deeply and from the inside. When I will see this person, I don’t know (I hope I can realise it if he comes my way)
It’s not the end of the world, to be single at my age, besides marriage is not paramount to salvation. God willing my prayers will be answered, and I patiently will wait and rest my hopes on God till then and from then.
Sunday, 8 June 2008
Saturday, 7 June 2008
toilet habits of a difficult girl
I didn’t go to work today. Why?? Well cos I had diarrhoea. Not any kind, but the nasty kid that gets you shitting out white frothy milk like semi-slush, out of your arse. The kind that got you sitting, resting your elbow on your thighs, knees up, perching on your toes, chin in your palms, shuddering as the spasms hits you time after time. But nothing comes out, well as least not for the first five attempts and when it does come, only about a table spoon of the gushy stuff is released, which to you might feel like a cooking spoon worth of slush.
My sphincters are in need of irrigative washout, total kaput. It is already holding up a sign saying no more shit.
I went out with a friend to the movies, earlier today. Then we went to kfc to buy those 99p chicken wings, we had 18 in total about 6 pounds worth of chicken wings, then we had root beer, we then transferred ourselves to woolies for exactly 3.69 pounds worth of toffee, came home for a coconut and pistachio ice cream to finish it off as well as home made mango lassie.
Looking back at it now, that was a bit excessive but at that time it didn’t feel like it. The warm glow in the evening, the laughs and the looks and I didn’t realise what I was letting myself in for.
Well, to late now as I am now in the mercy of my digestive tract. Should it decide to process some more gunks from my stomach, I am basically dead.
Everything just passes straight through, on the way getting discoloured, mashed and diluted with a bit of chilli added for variety.
Ooooooooogh! I am in pain and I need help. HELP! You hear, I need help.
All this desperation brings me back to the first time I invited my lovely over to mine. I had slaved over and cooked on my “3 ringed cooker a’la one burnt out electric stove”. Needless to say I had performed some miracles that day, boiled rice and made stew. It was tasty.
I had bought the meat for the stew from the local joint, though thinking back I shouldn’t have gone against my better judgement I was to lazy what with all the shopping bags, I just made the joint my last point of call and settled for everything there. The joint shop sells everything, from rat tails to antelope balls to camel legs, you know what I mean. What ever you want, ask him and give he will get for you give or take a little waiting as getting to the meat traffickers and getting meat past custom might take a few waiting for. I got about 3 pounds worth of goat meat. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t buy meat from there but like I said I was kinda desperate to impress. Meat that had probably been in that freezer for about 115 months. Meat that could have been contaminated with all sorts of junga and shit in the glass standing freezer that anyone and everyone opens while glancing about for their meat of choice. In that same freezer, everything in compacted, goat meat, fish, octopus meat, cow tail. Shaki, mussel, Australian bush meat, basically everything. No concept of separating and then just find a space attach the label on the meat and shove in the freezer.
Well. Like I said desperado.
True to my nature and probably everyone Else, when I cook I munch away at cooked and uncooked alike as long as it tastes good and there is no taste of blood or mistaken swallowing of ants or bugs hiding there. I eat everything in my path until my tummy is full, and then again the smell of cooked food always fills me up.
To cut the long story short, you guessed it. He had a nice time, good food interesting company. My lovely had to spend the night over but as I didn’t have a spare bed (don’t even say it, basic platonic shit by then) he slept on my bed with. So by the time we were ready to sleep, my tummy started making this runny noise sound just like when water trickles into a plug hole. Trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle.
Whatever was in my stomach was slowly being released enmasse like a damn full of water into my intestines. My tummy was bloated, and I had to take repeated breaks to my room to let of the gas and for a whiff of perfume round my back regions.
Anyway, my intestines not being ready to receive such a massive onslaught, done what it does. It let loose.
You know, at that point, you cannot but realise something is amiss somewhere, at that point things can only go two ways, shit your pants before u get to the toilet or make a big smelly fart with p there.
Well, I managed to excuse myself to my room again and let out another by then fermented fart that stank like a 4 day old baby poo (since we all know that adult shit don’t smell like that, or at least that’s what I think). This time I used my most expensive perfume I had, sprayed at the base of my trousers and drew a circumference round me to draw out the smell.
I went back to the room and my lovely suggested that he sleep cos he is an early sleeper. I followed suit but before I did I had a drink of salt and water because by then my tummy was aching in a very mild kind of way. I was sweating and silently praying that whatever dam has created itself in my belly, it should not overflow. I kept hoping that maybe, maybe if I went to sleep, what I suspected to be gooey mash will solidify a bit then it wont be all that bad, cos I could control it by clamping my butt cheeks tight.
No such luck there mates.
I lay down, said my prayers, put my hands o my tummy and rubbed it protectively, cradled it and thought, oh! That feels good. I started begging Sleep please come fast. My eyes were beginning to dwindle shut, there was no noise at all, the normal cars moving outside didn’t even register in my mind, I was slowly being drawn into sleep.
Then, it hit me! All this rush of fluid straight into the last 5cm or so of the tract. I got up in a flash for the toilet.
Once I hit the toilet seat, Pow!! Massive flow of droplets, atom bombs and shit missiles, coupled with some noisey, at times, silent farts of fermented shit. It didn’t stop not for about 2 mins. By then my arse hole was throbbing and hot, shudder after shudder, spasm after spasm, the thing got me and I off-loaded some more. The whole room stank like mad.
I was mortified, from my royal seating position though the window was next to me above the sink, I couldn’t reach it without having to perch carefully above the toilet making sure that my shit hole was in line with the skirting of the toilet rim.
But anytime I tried that, another gush of gunk proceeded to offload from the sphincter.
The air freshener that I normally keep in the bathroom for such occasions was then conveniently placed on the edge of the bath far far away from my reach. I cursed myself for that. Why in the world would I put it there in the first instance -Presentation that’s why!
To make matters worse the door to the bathroom was bad, in that it could be opened from outside not inside, and in my rush for the bowl I just barely closed the door so what I done was to place a towel in its path so I wont be locked in. now comes the interesting part.
The bathroom is just next door to my room and my room door was widely open.
I couldn’t help myself in there and I began making these helpful and unavoidable noises in aid of squeezing every last drop of hot burning shit out of my arse, while at the same time hoping that my lovely wouldn’t hear me. After about 20 minutes when he didn’t see me, he came out to inquire after me. He came out of the room and called my name, almost instinctively I replied back I am in the toilet. Mortified that he will come out nearer to the door and get a whiff of my foul smelling shit and turn back away. Conveniently for the forces of fate, when I had finished my onslaught, and went back to bed, though my hole still burned and stung me, my belly was ok.
What is it about toilet habits that makes us turn into diddys?
One mention of toilet functions and there are muffled sounds, a flashback or two at the last time your dad or even your spouse or someone close to you walked in on you while you were seriously attending to the expulsion of unwanted faecal matter from your totally burnt out anal passage. Your anal sphincter so hot and so red that you could bake a doughnut in there.
Till today, I have problems taking a shit in someone else’s toilet. If I do, I am forced by the pressure accumulation from my rumpled folds.
Imagine the possibility taking a dump in a friend’s house
Smell
Time factor
No Water flusher
Accidental walk in
The list is endless.
For guys taking a dump is second nature, just like farting, there is no shame in that. For ladies it is meant to be a discreet affair. Something not to be discussed at all. Not to be laughed at either.
Oh, imagine the shame
What knickers did you wear, what colour were they, were you on your period, if yes pad or tampon?? Red hot shame!!
Sweaty beads of perspiration on your brow and upper lip. That sinking feeling in your bottom heart.
Imagine your skirt/trousers, rustled at the bottom of your thighs or ankle. The flash in your eye, alarm!
Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
Yes my fellow chicklets, it has happened to me too. It’s the same old song. And in my case a fine looking bloke for that matter, till today I can never look him in the eye, cos I am just so embarrassed, it happened at work.
I spent 10 minutes of my break sitting on a toilet reading as book. The last 5 minutes of my solitude in silence was spent on forcing a lump or faecal matter out of my ever so delicate and small but unduly resourceful arse hole.
I tried and I tried but it won’t budge.damn1
I was in a hurry to get back as I could not afford to be late.
I was still on the way to a wage increase and I needed 4 months of continued improvements to gain the rise and for sure I was not about to mess that up.
And to think that I only went in for a pee and I just decided to sit there and read a bit and thought “why not empty the toxin collection a bit?
There I was now with this unmovable shit.
I pushed and pushed, made the occasional accompanying noise to aid ejection, I even talked to it, I begged it but it still won’t budge.
Yes! It’s hard to grasp at first, so don’t. Just take it as it comes. I talk to everything.
I talk to the moon, to my umbrella, to the wind when it decides to embarrass me; I talk to the foxes on my way home from work.
I sat there pushing just like a woman in throes of labour, then the idea came to mind- why not vacuum evict it?
Voila!
See I am a resourceful girl.
Anyway, there I sat in all my pride and glory, big black fat arse, almost engulfing the toilet bowl, balancing ever so gracefully lest the toilet should come off as it was tilting/shaking a bit.
So there I was in squat position, squeezing and clenching my cheeks, then a brief moment of relaxation to allow air to travel through the cracks in my not so unplugable hole, and I repeated the process.
Then I sat down with a thump. Oh crap, I didn’t really decide to sit, I was forced to, as my legs were already cramping a bit.. The strain of carrying about my big buttocks.
Anyway to cut the long story short. Success at the end of day is what it’s all about. And I did find success thank God; I managed to lodge the offending piece out of where the suns don’t shine.
But guess what, … when I turned round to have a look at the piece, what I thought was something big was just a minuscule thing., a little small shit that felt so big that i had to degrade myself in evicting it in such a manner.
Guess what again, another became lodged in its place.
There I was going through the process of evicting again, at the point of squatting and huff puffing then the intruder walked in.
The joys of having only one toilet in the work compound.
My sphincters are in need of irrigative washout, total kaput. It is already holding up a sign saying no more shit.
I went out with a friend to the movies, earlier today. Then we went to kfc to buy those 99p chicken wings, we had 18 in total about 6 pounds worth of chicken wings, then we had root beer, we then transferred ourselves to woolies for exactly 3.69 pounds worth of toffee, came home for a coconut and pistachio ice cream to finish it off as well as home made mango lassie.
Looking back at it now, that was a bit excessive but at that time it didn’t feel like it. The warm glow in the evening, the laughs and the looks and I didn’t realise what I was letting myself in for.
Well, to late now as I am now in the mercy of my digestive tract. Should it decide to process some more gunks from my stomach, I am basically dead.
Everything just passes straight through, on the way getting discoloured, mashed and diluted with a bit of chilli added for variety.
Ooooooooogh! I am in pain and I need help. HELP! You hear, I need help.
All this desperation brings me back to the first time I invited my lovely over to mine. I had slaved over and cooked on my “3 ringed cooker a’la one burnt out electric stove”. Needless to say I had performed some miracles that day, boiled rice and made stew. It was tasty.
I had bought the meat for the stew from the local joint, though thinking back I shouldn’t have gone against my better judgement I was to lazy what with all the shopping bags, I just made the joint my last point of call and settled for everything there. The joint shop sells everything, from rat tails to antelope balls to camel legs, you know what I mean. What ever you want, ask him and give he will get for you give or take a little waiting as getting to the meat traffickers and getting meat past custom might take a few waiting for. I got about 3 pounds worth of goat meat. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t buy meat from there but like I said I was kinda desperate to impress. Meat that had probably been in that freezer for about 115 months. Meat that could have been contaminated with all sorts of junga and shit in the glass standing freezer that anyone and everyone opens while glancing about for their meat of choice. In that same freezer, everything in compacted, goat meat, fish, octopus meat, cow tail. Shaki, mussel, Australian bush meat, basically everything. No concept of separating and then just find a space attach the label on the meat and shove in the freezer.
Well. Like I said desperado.
True to my nature and probably everyone Else, when I cook I munch away at cooked and uncooked alike as long as it tastes good and there is no taste of blood or mistaken swallowing of ants or bugs hiding there. I eat everything in my path until my tummy is full, and then again the smell of cooked food always fills me up.
To cut the long story short, you guessed it. He had a nice time, good food interesting company. My lovely had to spend the night over but as I didn’t have a spare bed (don’t even say it, basic platonic shit by then) he slept on my bed with. So by the time we were ready to sleep, my tummy started making this runny noise sound just like when water trickles into a plug hole. Trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle.
Whatever was in my stomach was slowly being released enmasse like a damn full of water into my intestines. My tummy was bloated, and I had to take repeated breaks to my room to let of the gas and for a whiff of perfume round my back regions.
Anyway, my intestines not being ready to receive such a massive onslaught, done what it does. It let loose.
You know, at that point, you cannot but realise something is amiss somewhere, at that point things can only go two ways, shit your pants before u get to the toilet or make a big smelly fart with p there.
Well, I managed to excuse myself to my room again and let out another by then fermented fart that stank like a 4 day old baby poo (since we all know that adult shit don’t smell like that, or at least that’s what I think). This time I used my most expensive perfume I had, sprayed at the base of my trousers and drew a circumference round me to draw out the smell.
I went back to the room and my lovely suggested that he sleep cos he is an early sleeper. I followed suit but before I did I had a drink of salt and water because by then my tummy was aching in a very mild kind of way. I was sweating and silently praying that whatever dam has created itself in my belly, it should not overflow. I kept hoping that maybe, maybe if I went to sleep, what I suspected to be gooey mash will solidify a bit then it wont be all that bad, cos I could control it by clamping my butt cheeks tight.
No such luck there mates.
I lay down, said my prayers, put my hands o my tummy and rubbed it protectively, cradled it and thought, oh! That feels good. I started begging Sleep please come fast. My eyes were beginning to dwindle shut, there was no noise at all, the normal cars moving outside didn’t even register in my mind, I was slowly being drawn into sleep.
Then, it hit me! All this rush of fluid straight into the last 5cm or so of the tract. I got up in a flash for the toilet.
Once I hit the toilet seat, Pow!! Massive flow of droplets, atom bombs and shit missiles, coupled with some noisey, at times, silent farts of fermented shit. It didn’t stop not for about 2 mins. By then my arse hole was throbbing and hot, shudder after shudder, spasm after spasm, the thing got me and I off-loaded some more. The whole room stank like mad.
I was mortified, from my royal seating position though the window was next to me above the sink, I couldn’t reach it without having to perch carefully above the toilet making sure that my shit hole was in line with the skirting of the toilet rim.
But anytime I tried that, another gush of gunk proceeded to offload from the sphincter.
The air freshener that I normally keep in the bathroom for such occasions was then conveniently placed on the edge of the bath far far away from my reach. I cursed myself for that. Why in the world would I put it there in the first instance -Presentation that’s why!
To make matters worse the door to the bathroom was bad, in that it could be opened from outside not inside, and in my rush for the bowl I just barely closed the door so what I done was to place a towel in its path so I wont be locked in. now comes the interesting part.
The bathroom is just next door to my room and my room door was widely open.
I couldn’t help myself in there and I began making these helpful and unavoidable noises in aid of squeezing every last drop of hot burning shit out of my arse, while at the same time hoping that my lovely wouldn’t hear me. After about 20 minutes when he didn’t see me, he came out to inquire after me. He came out of the room and called my name, almost instinctively I replied back I am in the toilet. Mortified that he will come out nearer to the door and get a whiff of my foul smelling shit and turn back away. Conveniently for the forces of fate, when I had finished my onslaught, and went back to bed, though my hole still burned and stung me, my belly was ok.
What is it about toilet habits that makes us turn into diddys?
One mention of toilet functions and there are muffled sounds, a flashback or two at the last time your dad or even your spouse or someone close to you walked in on you while you were seriously attending to the expulsion of unwanted faecal matter from your totally burnt out anal passage. Your anal sphincter so hot and so red that you could bake a doughnut in there.
Till today, I have problems taking a shit in someone else’s toilet. If I do, I am forced by the pressure accumulation from my rumpled folds.
Imagine the possibility taking a dump in a friend’s house
Smell
Time factor
No Water flusher
Accidental walk in
The list is endless.
For guys taking a dump is second nature, just like farting, there is no shame in that. For ladies it is meant to be a discreet affair. Something not to be discussed at all. Not to be laughed at either.
Oh, imagine the shame
What knickers did you wear, what colour were they, were you on your period, if yes pad or tampon?? Red hot shame!!
Sweaty beads of perspiration on your brow and upper lip. That sinking feeling in your bottom heart.
Imagine your skirt/trousers, rustled at the bottom of your thighs or ankle. The flash in your eye, alarm!
Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
Yes my fellow chicklets, it has happened to me too. It’s the same old song. And in my case a fine looking bloke for that matter, till today I can never look him in the eye, cos I am just so embarrassed, it happened at work.
I spent 10 minutes of my break sitting on a toilet reading as book. The last 5 minutes of my solitude in silence was spent on forcing a lump or faecal matter out of my ever so delicate and small but unduly resourceful arse hole.
I tried and I tried but it won’t budge.damn1
I was in a hurry to get back as I could not afford to be late.
I was still on the way to a wage increase and I needed 4 months of continued improvements to gain the rise and for sure I was not about to mess that up.
And to think that I only went in for a pee and I just decided to sit there and read a bit and thought “why not empty the toxin collection a bit?
There I was now with this unmovable shit.
I pushed and pushed, made the occasional accompanying noise to aid ejection, I even talked to it, I begged it but it still won’t budge.
Yes! It’s hard to grasp at first, so don’t. Just take it as it comes. I talk to everything.
I talk to the moon, to my umbrella, to the wind when it decides to embarrass me; I talk to the foxes on my way home from work.
I sat there pushing just like a woman in throes of labour, then the idea came to mind- why not vacuum evict it?
Voila!
See I am a resourceful girl.
Anyway, there I sat in all my pride and glory, big black fat arse, almost engulfing the toilet bowl, balancing ever so gracefully lest the toilet should come off as it was tilting/shaking a bit.
So there I was in squat position, squeezing and clenching my cheeks, then a brief moment of relaxation to allow air to travel through the cracks in my not so unplugable hole, and I repeated the process.
Then I sat down with a thump. Oh crap, I didn’t really decide to sit, I was forced to, as my legs were already cramping a bit.. The strain of carrying about my big buttocks.
Anyway to cut the long story short. Success at the end of day is what it’s all about. And I did find success thank God; I managed to lodge the offending piece out of where the suns don’t shine.
But guess what, … when I turned round to have a look at the piece, what I thought was something big was just a minuscule thing., a little small shit that felt so big that i had to degrade myself in evicting it in such a manner.
Guess what again, another became lodged in its place.
There I was going through the process of evicting again, at the point of squatting and huff puffing then the intruder walked in.
The joys of having only one toilet in the work compound.
Friday, 6 June 2008
funny view on marriage
Right now, I am worried about my friend.
Now what can I tell you about one of my girls. This woman is one fine babe. Fine as in Fine! Fine. Silky skin, nice bony cheeks, pristine mouth- lovely smile by the way. Clear Chinese eyes, small slanted and cute. Long lean legs.
The lady is nice, cheery and very friendly. A bit snobbish I must add but she never lets it show. If you look at her very closely you might just realize it you unless you probe you won’t find it. In a way I would say she lays herself very thin but the cracks still show in the corner of her eyes.
Firstly ma girl is not sure of her powers. She knows she is fine, commands attention but she still doubts it. Insecure I would say but hey, what do I know.
She is the classic all time girl, married to her first love, sex the first time all firsts, and here she is contemplating divorce.
See, I don’t get that at all.
I understand love at first sight, but love aint enough to hold a relationship down. Besides what is love?
Love is a figment of our imagination. Love is an infatuation that we allow to exist for whatever time. We think its love but it never really is.
What we call love is a mixture of different factors, it involves how good the person makes us feel, how good we feel about ourselves, whether we think the person is cute, if we are fond of the person, the persons sexual prowess and what he/she is willing to do in bed, if we think he/she has potential to be modified or, in drastic measures change, do family/friends accept him/her, do I admire the person, icky little things like that.
There is no one thing called love.
Love in another sense also is selfless devotion and surrender. But I believe one should only seek to surrender to God and be selfless with God.
See, I am also trying to get this round my head, how you can meet someone for the first time, have sex the first time and marry them. No!
Its only divine intervention that one finds their soul mate and trust me it doesn’t happen every day.
In as much as I firmly believe in not being promiscuous and the part in the commandments concerning sexual relations {(and all the other ones too.) not that I firmly adhere to all the commandments. But I wished I do and I will still try to.}
People rush into marriage without looking at repercussions and all dat.
But at this my age now when I think of all these thing what I will say??
In a way I have come to accept , based on evidence and fact that the fact that people rush into marriage is not the reason marriages fail. It is only but by the grace of God that we survive anyway, marriage not excluded.
Before I marry a man, I have to know or should I say I have to ask myself if I can live with him. I have to question myself knowing fully well that I am a selfish person, can I learn to share my shit without wanting to poison the poor guy. First I visualize myself at 65 past all that shagging phase, the quickie in the bathroom, the sexy knickers phase, I think, will I still be comfy with that person, will I still talk to him, when I say talk I mean talk to him, not talk about tv or friends but can we actually have intelligent discussions, do we pick each others brains, does he understand the way I think, I reason, does he think the same way to?? Does he have a clue to my thought of reasoning process? do I him as well?/
Do I accept him for him, he might be handsome or ugly whichever way I look at it, clean or one dirty arse guy, his mouth might smell or his farts unbearable, his hygiene might be perfect or he just couldn’t give a damn, he could be bad at sex or quite good. Will I accept him for what he is, not try to change him, maybe modify him a wee bit but try not to change him, and if I do try, will I do it with his consent and participation.
When he is sick and has some ill nasty diarrhea, shitting all the time and in bed as well, will I wash him down, look after him, not look down on him in that pitiful state, still love him the same, still give the respect, will I clean the sheets, don’t grumble just do it with love and affection.(I am not perfect, I might look at the sheets and go yew!, so that’s allowed.)
Will I take him to the toilet, bath and wash his bum, in case he has bowel problems and can’t do it himself. Will I still have passionate sex with him maybe 2 days later and not be put off by the incident before.
If he cant get a job, looses his job has no money, will I support him still, will I look up to him/?
When I am mad at him, will I humiliate him in front of all his friends, will I be there for him and vice versa, if his dick gets cut off by accident or gets castrated by an angry mob, will I say “Its ok darling, you can still do stuff with your fingers.”
Yes there will be rifts and fights in the relationship, but can we work above that? More importantly do we trust each other?
In my view all things need to be answered as yes before you think of marriage.
The wise ones say you don’t rush into things. So take heed.
One can be forgiven for saying yes in the heat of the moment but only as long as you don’t do the deed, don’t sign the papers till you are very sure.
To a certain degree, you know if you are compatible straight away, after talking with each other, but you also have to study and understand the compatibility, to smooth the crack and tiny flaws that exist.
Compatibility is not compromise, by and large it is not but it has little elements of it. You need to know what you want and don’t settle for less.
Compromise if necessary but compromise must be two way, not one sided.
Now what can I tell you about one of my girls. This woman is one fine babe. Fine as in Fine! Fine. Silky skin, nice bony cheeks, pristine mouth- lovely smile by the way. Clear Chinese eyes, small slanted and cute. Long lean legs.
The lady is nice, cheery and very friendly. A bit snobbish I must add but she never lets it show. If you look at her very closely you might just realize it you unless you probe you won’t find it. In a way I would say she lays herself very thin but the cracks still show in the corner of her eyes.
Firstly ma girl is not sure of her powers. She knows she is fine, commands attention but she still doubts it. Insecure I would say but hey, what do I know.
She is the classic all time girl, married to her first love, sex the first time all firsts, and here she is contemplating divorce.
See, I don’t get that at all.
I understand love at first sight, but love aint enough to hold a relationship down. Besides what is love?
Love is a figment of our imagination. Love is an infatuation that we allow to exist for whatever time. We think its love but it never really is.
What we call love is a mixture of different factors, it involves how good the person makes us feel, how good we feel about ourselves, whether we think the person is cute, if we are fond of the person, the persons sexual prowess and what he/she is willing to do in bed, if we think he/she has potential to be modified or, in drastic measures change, do family/friends accept him/her, do I admire the person, icky little things like that.
There is no one thing called love.
Love in another sense also is selfless devotion and surrender. But I believe one should only seek to surrender to God and be selfless with God.
See, I am also trying to get this round my head, how you can meet someone for the first time, have sex the first time and marry them. No!
Its only divine intervention that one finds their soul mate and trust me it doesn’t happen every day.
In as much as I firmly believe in not being promiscuous and the part in the commandments concerning sexual relations {(and all the other ones too.) not that I firmly adhere to all the commandments. But I wished I do and I will still try to.}
People rush into marriage without looking at repercussions and all dat.
But at this my age now when I think of all these thing what I will say??
In a way I have come to accept , based on evidence and fact that the fact that people rush into marriage is not the reason marriages fail. It is only but by the grace of God that we survive anyway, marriage not excluded.
Before I marry a man, I have to know or should I say I have to ask myself if I can live with him. I have to question myself knowing fully well that I am a selfish person, can I learn to share my shit without wanting to poison the poor guy. First I visualize myself at 65 past all that shagging phase, the quickie in the bathroom, the sexy knickers phase, I think, will I still be comfy with that person, will I still talk to him, when I say talk I mean talk to him, not talk about tv or friends but can we actually have intelligent discussions, do we pick each others brains, does he understand the way I think, I reason, does he think the same way to?? Does he have a clue to my thought of reasoning process? do I him as well?/
Do I accept him for him, he might be handsome or ugly whichever way I look at it, clean or one dirty arse guy, his mouth might smell or his farts unbearable, his hygiene might be perfect or he just couldn’t give a damn, he could be bad at sex or quite good. Will I accept him for what he is, not try to change him, maybe modify him a wee bit but try not to change him, and if I do try, will I do it with his consent and participation.
When he is sick and has some ill nasty diarrhea, shitting all the time and in bed as well, will I wash him down, look after him, not look down on him in that pitiful state, still love him the same, still give the respect, will I clean the sheets, don’t grumble just do it with love and affection.(I am not perfect, I might look at the sheets and go yew!, so that’s allowed.)
Will I take him to the toilet, bath and wash his bum, in case he has bowel problems and can’t do it himself. Will I still have passionate sex with him maybe 2 days later and not be put off by the incident before.
If he cant get a job, looses his job has no money, will I support him still, will I look up to him/?
When I am mad at him, will I humiliate him in front of all his friends, will I be there for him and vice versa, if his dick gets cut off by accident or gets castrated by an angry mob, will I say “Its ok darling, you can still do stuff with your fingers.”
Yes there will be rifts and fights in the relationship, but can we work above that? More importantly do we trust each other?
In my view all things need to be answered as yes before you think of marriage.
The wise ones say you don’t rush into things. So take heed.
One can be forgiven for saying yes in the heat of the moment but only as long as you don’t do the deed, don’t sign the papers till you are very sure.
To a certain degree, you know if you are compatible straight away, after talking with each other, but you also have to study and understand the compatibility, to smooth the crack and tiny flaws that exist.
Compatibility is not compromise, by and large it is not but it has little elements of it. You need to know what you want and don’t settle for less.
Compromise if necessary but compromise must be two way, not one sided.
Choice, Individuality and Death
“I am not afraid of death; I have come to accept it. I am just not ready for it”
No sooner than I read that statement in today’s newspaper- the Scottish mirror, that I began to think, how true does the statement relate to me?
Is it with advancing age, or is it purely an elevated state of mind, that one begins to accept life/death and come to terms with it?
As a child, I was so very afraid of death and the concept of dying. What happens next, what goes on once you are locked up in a box, covered with dirt, dead to the world as we know it, dead to reality, to existence?
Each religion deals with death and the concept of it differently. I remember my malims (religious teachers), telling me of the awful things that will happen to the unbelievers in the grave. That definitely terrified me senseless and still does till today. I still think at any moment in my sleep I could just drift off into another dimension, another world, what have you!
I then feverently begin to pray forgiveness for all of my sins and recite my one and special surah that I believe clears my mind. Half way in between a state of fear and calmness, I drift off into sleep.
Now at age almost the age of **, I now regard death as a bit of a mystery, not with abject fear as I did in my youth but with a sense of bewilderment.
If I died now, what do I leave behind? I have no real achievements in the real sense of the word, family is weird, friends- almost erratically non existent, relationships at standstill, possessions-shoes, music and clothes.
Religious sacrifices none.
All and above what would like to think I leave behind for others to carry on is my love for God and devotion that I am still in the process of acquiring, and also ultimate love through understanding and belief that yes! There is a force that governs the universe, someone who holds the key to my destiny.
As with the question of death, comes the question of heaven and hell.
I will assume that no one wants to go to hell. At least I am safe in the assumption that I don’t. That is my greatest fear- Hell. The notion of being outcast of being rejected left to rot in a burning furnace of mega super hot oven temperature.
What is heaven, what is hell, does it exist??
For me based on what I have been doctrined into believing from youth - It does, so much so that I try to avoid going to hell by doing things that I know are good.
This raises a question for me here …., Can true goodness be measured by the good you do just purely based on religious belief that it will land you in heaven ? or is it based on that you doing it for the sake of doing it. Not for any beneficial gain.
I remember an argument my mum has with some Muslim doctrine in that we were told that for every act there is a reward for everything, every good deed there is a reward, in that people are now motivated by the reward as opposed to the concept of being naturally good.
I find myself falling into this category sometimes.
I might not want to be good, but then I remember hell and I am forced into being good. My proposal on this then shifts as I feel the good will not count because it’s not intentional. It is motivated by reward, kind of like bribery; I will do this so I can get …that… in return.
We have all been told as children at some point, do good and you will end up in heaven, do bad and u will be in hell.
But what is good and what is bad??
In as much as I firmly respect each person’s individuality and each person’s sense of reality, I am quite aware that it is never uniform. I cannot think exactly the same as another person. I can share some processes of thought but in some cases the result might not be the same or in a twisty reasoning our conclusion might be the same but the process of thought might be completely different.
So what defines good and what defines bad??
Because with individuality, I respect the fact that what is good to me might not necessarily be good to the other person.
The same reasoning is to be applied to threesomes. Some people like it some people don’t.
So what is the standard of measuring good and evil??
I guess one such standard of the 10 commandments are pretty reasonable but what of the grey areas that fall btw them. What happens then??
How is it possible for one person to tell me what is good and evil ??
We are all shaped by events that happen in and around us, and in more ways than one, our thought processes are based on past events and happenings that we as humans have been forced into accepting and coming to sense with.
So how in any way is maybe for instance a mad psychopath who unknown to everyone else is posing as a doctor, to tell me that I too am mad??
Or in a realistic sense, how is one malim, or priest to tell me what is good, acceptable or bad, when in their own lives they are flaunting the bad sides of the very things they ask us to do.
Why do I have to believe what their good is? or what their bad is?
Emotion is a very strong thing, and it is very hard for someone to seclude emotion from day to day life and reasoning.
We are all human beings. Granted.
And we fall prey to suspicious minds day after day.
But one damned person leading a flock of maybe for argument sake righteous people??? How does that figure. If one is the obedient type who just obeys w/o questioning, how then and why then should that person’s life be damned just because the leader is dammed.
These are the mysteries of life that elude me.
Fear is a great weapon. Fear of rejection, fear and force.
All my life I have been told to do, don’t question just do. What if what I am being told to do is not right/? What then. Am I to be bold and stand upright and stand for my cause or am I to fold due to undue pressure??
Self worth is also important.
For if I stand, I attain the right to call myself an individual I attain the right to be independent. I show integrity and display self worth.
But then again on the flip side of things, how I appraise myself will always be based on the circumstances and events unfolding round me/?
So if my appraisal is severely flawed in society’s eyes, then how do I justify my self worth?
If I have been doctrined into believing that my worth and my cause is just, where as in the true sense of things it is not, how do I make that leap of faith to either stick with what I know or to jump and be dammed/saved.
That is the problem with people and religion.
A devout catholic, Christian and Muslim will all argue theirs the true one.
But in all totality, we don’t really know do we??
We only know what we have been told and the little we have found out ourselves, but that in itself is still never truly enough. History is severely flawed, because events can never be captured accurately, without it being modified in the process of reported speech.
People first try to make sense of things themselves, they assimilate the information, and as it relates to them and makes sense for them, then they try to pass on the message. But the message in itself is flawed because they are offering their own interpretation of the events. Not as it actually occurred but as they see it. So confusion arises by the time the event is told about 20 or more so times, the true essence of the message is lost.
Different words mean different things to people, and like I said before the interpretation of things depends on circumstances that have shaped ones life from childhood to adulthood.
So why should I take ones persons interpretation of events when I know now that that event is flawed. Due to no fault of the mine or the event teller/??
An adage comes to mind, seek knowledge be it in china.
Never accept ones word for anything. Always come to A DECISION by ur self, from ur own reasoning factor, never take someone else’s decision.
Every man is equal. That part I agree with. We are all the same, same build up, same diseases, same genes, same everything. Every man is the same and every woman is the same as well.
The only thing that makes each and everyone of us individual is the different proportions in our building blocks, the things that make us human.
So still in that frame of mind, how can we then take each other person as our equal when in our mind we have been conditioned to mistrust, to be suspicious of the other person’s intentions towards us??
We are all equal.
We are all equal in that we, each and every one of us are all in the same boat. Our ability to be generous, to be kind to be mean malicious creatures, to be religious, all depends on the condition we receive as we are growing up. To God belongs all authority and all command in this life and the hereafter.
Each person has in them the ability to be kings, to be murderers to be psychopaths etc, but it is each person’s proportional inclination towards each act that differs i.e the proportionality is the advancement of the soul of the person.
Suffice to say that a plant grown in yellow water will have leaves that are pigmented yellow, one grown in blue water will have blue pigments and one grown in red water will have red pigments. We can also argue that if new pigments are introduced to a growing plant IF the greater proportion of the plants stock pigments are more than the introduced agent pigments than the plant will still have the same color.
It is very hard to say that you can treat two set of people equal. It is an almost impossible thing to do. How can you?
In many ways more that one you will always find yourself gravitating to one more than the other and in your quest to try to be equal, you then try to compensate for your actions by over trying with the other person, but then in trying to do that you make the situation imbalanced again.
I guess that is like, in as much as you want equality you cannot attain it except for with the grace of God. The key then if one cannot be equal is to be fair regardless of the consequence.
For in fairness you treat via circumstance and emotional factor so then, reasoning becomes a gravitating factor: this all depends on your interpretation of events.
I find life weird and complicated but I guess that’s the way it meant to be.
No sooner than I read that statement in today’s newspaper- the Scottish mirror, that I began to think, how true does the statement relate to me?
Is it with advancing age, or is it purely an elevated state of mind, that one begins to accept life/death and come to terms with it?
As a child, I was so very afraid of death and the concept of dying. What happens next, what goes on once you are locked up in a box, covered with dirt, dead to the world as we know it, dead to reality, to existence?
Each religion deals with death and the concept of it differently. I remember my malims (religious teachers), telling me of the awful things that will happen to the unbelievers in the grave. That definitely terrified me senseless and still does till today. I still think at any moment in my sleep I could just drift off into another dimension, another world, what have you!
I then feverently begin to pray forgiveness for all of my sins and recite my one and special surah that I believe clears my mind. Half way in between a state of fear and calmness, I drift off into sleep.
Now at age almost the age of **, I now regard death as a bit of a mystery, not with abject fear as I did in my youth but with a sense of bewilderment.
If I died now, what do I leave behind? I have no real achievements in the real sense of the word, family is weird, friends- almost erratically non existent, relationships at standstill, possessions-shoes, music and clothes.
Religious sacrifices none.
All and above what would like to think I leave behind for others to carry on is my love for God and devotion that I am still in the process of acquiring, and also ultimate love through understanding and belief that yes! There is a force that governs the universe, someone who holds the key to my destiny.
As with the question of death, comes the question of heaven and hell.
I will assume that no one wants to go to hell. At least I am safe in the assumption that I don’t. That is my greatest fear- Hell. The notion of being outcast of being rejected left to rot in a burning furnace of mega super hot oven temperature.
What is heaven, what is hell, does it exist??
For me based on what I have been doctrined into believing from youth - It does, so much so that I try to avoid going to hell by doing things that I know are good.
This raises a question for me here …., Can true goodness be measured by the good you do just purely based on religious belief that it will land you in heaven ? or is it based on that you doing it for the sake of doing it. Not for any beneficial gain.
I remember an argument my mum has with some Muslim doctrine in that we were told that for every act there is a reward for everything, every good deed there is a reward, in that people are now motivated by the reward as opposed to the concept of being naturally good.
I find myself falling into this category sometimes.
I might not want to be good, but then I remember hell and I am forced into being good. My proposal on this then shifts as I feel the good will not count because it’s not intentional. It is motivated by reward, kind of like bribery; I will do this so I can get …that… in return.
We have all been told as children at some point, do good and you will end up in heaven, do bad and u will be in hell.
But what is good and what is bad??
In as much as I firmly respect each person’s individuality and each person’s sense of reality, I am quite aware that it is never uniform. I cannot think exactly the same as another person. I can share some processes of thought but in some cases the result might not be the same or in a twisty reasoning our conclusion might be the same but the process of thought might be completely different.
So what defines good and what defines bad??
Because with individuality, I respect the fact that what is good to me might not necessarily be good to the other person.
The same reasoning is to be applied to threesomes. Some people like it some people don’t.
So what is the standard of measuring good and evil??
I guess one such standard of the 10 commandments are pretty reasonable but what of the grey areas that fall btw them. What happens then??
How is it possible for one person to tell me what is good and evil ??
We are all shaped by events that happen in and around us, and in more ways than one, our thought processes are based on past events and happenings that we as humans have been forced into accepting and coming to sense with.
So how in any way is maybe for instance a mad psychopath who unknown to everyone else is posing as a doctor, to tell me that I too am mad??
Or in a realistic sense, how is one malim, or priest to tell me what is good, acceptable or bad, when in their own lives they are flaunting the bad sides of the very things they ask us to do.
Why do I have to believe what their good is? or what their bad is?
Emotion is a very strong thing, and it is very hard for someone to seclude emotion from day to day life and reasoning.
We are all human beings. Granted.
And we fall prey to suspicious minds day after day.
But one damned person leading a flock of maybe for argument sake righteous people??? How does that figure. If one is the obedient type who just obeys w/o questioning, how then and why then should that person’s life be damned just because the leader is dammed.
These are the mysteries of life that elude me.
Fear is a great weapon. Fear of rejection, fear and force.
All my life I have been told to do, don’t question just do. What if what I am being told to do is not right/? What then. Am I to be bold and stand upright and stand for my cause or am I to fold due to undue pressure??
Self worth is also important.
For if I stand, I attain the right to call myself an individual I attain the right to be independent. I show integrity and display self worth.
But then again on the flip side of things, how I appraise myself will always be based on the circumstances and events unfolding round me/?
So if my appraisal is severely flawed in society’s eyes, then how do I justify my self worth?
If I have been doctrined into believing that my worth and my cause is just, where as in the true sense of things it is not, how do I make that leap of faith to either stick with what I know or to jump and be dammed/saved.
That is the problem with people and religion.
A devout catholic, Christian and Muslim will all argue theirs the true one.
But in all totality, we don’t really know do we??
We only know what we have been told and the little we have found out ourselves, but that in itself is still never truly enough. History is severely flawed, because events can never be captured accurately, without it being modified in the process of reported speech.
People first try to make sense of things themselves, they assimilate the information, and as it relates to them and makes sense for them, then they try to pass on the message. But the message in itself is flawed because they are offering their own interpretation of the events. Not as it actually occurred but as they see it. So confusion arises by the time the event is told about 20 or more so times, the true essence of the message is lost.
Different words mean different things to people, and like I said before the interpretation of things depends on circumstances that have shaped ones life from childhood to adulthood.
So why should I take ones persons interpretation of events when I know now that that event is flawed. Due to no fault of the mine or the event teller/??
An adage comes to mind, seek knowledge be it in china.
Never accept ones word for anything. Always come to A DECISION by ur self, from ur own reasoning factor, never take someone else’s decision.
Every man is equal. That part I agree with. We are all the same, same build up, same diseases, same genes, same everything. Every man is the same and every woman is the same as well.
The only thing that makes each and everyone of us individual is the different proportions in our building blocks, the things that make us human.
So still in that frame of mind, how can we then take each other person as our equal when in our mind we have been conditioned to mistrust, to be suspicious of the other person’s intentions towards us??
We are all equal.
We are all equal in that we, each and every one of us are all in the same boat. Our ability to be generous, to be kind to be mean malicious creatures, to be religious, all depends on the condition we receive as we are growing up. To God belongs all authority and all command in this life and the hereafter.
Each person has in them the ability to be kings, to be murderers to be psychopaths etc, but it is each person’s proportional inclination towards each act that differs i.e the proportionality is the advancement of the soul of the person.
Suffice to say that a plant grown in yellow water will have leaves that are pigmented yellow, one grown in blue water will have blue pigments and one grown in red water will have red pigments. We can also argue that if new pigments are introduced to a growing plant IF the greater proportion of the plants stock pigments are more than the introduced agent pigments than the plant will still have the same color.
It is very hard to say that you can treat two set of people equal. It is an almost impossible thing to do. How can you?
In many ways more that one you will always find yourself gravitating to one more than the other and in your quest to try to be equal, you then try to compensate for your actions by over trying with the other person, but then in trying to do that you make the situation imbalanced again.
I guess that is like, in as much as you want equality you cannot attain it except for with the grace of God. The key then if one cannot be equal is to be fair regardless of the consequence.
For in fairness you treat via circumstance and emotional factor so then, reasoning becomes a gravitating factor: this all depends on your interpretation of events.
I find life weird and complicated but I guess that’s the way it meant to be.
Thursday, 5 June 2008
Words and how they affect me....
Words are important tools. Words can kill a man. Words can save a man.
It has come to my attention that there are different versions of the Quran, just as there are versions of the Bible. Different by means of choice of words the translators choose to use to describe a certain event. You have the Yusuf Ali, the progressive Muslims, Sher Ali, Pickthall and Khalifa translations. Why is this I beg to know? The underlying message may be the same, but the choice of words is different.
This difference in words I feel lays importance in the meaning/logic/application of the verses. It may determine if one is to grasp easily by means of easy words or one is to ponder and try to find meaning for harder words. But then again, it is only the Almighty who guides and directs one towards the true meaning. May God bless us with understanding and inspiration of his message in order to draw us nearer to him.
In surah 16:27, I for one feel that where it says idols or partners ascribed to God ( Khalifas' translation) I thinks it does not mean idols in the sense of crafted images of deity that some people choose to worship, I think it means idols/partners in the sense of looking at humans as source of guidance instead of God. i.e. prophets/saints/pope/Imams/ who people tend to ask for help and hang to their every word.
I am quite sure we all have at some time fallen to the guise that we pray through a prophet /saint to allow our prayers to reach God. However my finding is that the Quran says that when you pray, prayer is to be directed to God alone.
Idolizing any human being/messenger/saint or otherwise I feel is wrong. We should only idolize God, as God is the Ultimate Ruler.
Besides, These Prophets/saints don’t know us. They have never met me neither have I ever met them. They cant hear me can they? They are dead. Their souls have gone to wherever their souls have gone to. So how does me praying through then benefit me? How can one who has no knowledge of you intercede for you? They do not know your character, they do not know your background. Unless you want to ascribe to them qualities that are not theirs and say that they know you and they know your situation????
Only God Almighty is aware of everything and everyone. No one else.
The Quran says (from my understanding) that the only time they will be able to respond to us is on the DOJ, but by then all will have been revealed - Truth established.
It is God who has knowledge of you and knows your heart. Moreover it is God who decides and judges.
I can see where I am coming from but can you…………
From my own background, Idols such as Imams/Alfas’ who people think have all the answers and guidance……. Go figure!!
The concept that God is infinite and grasping that God is the only one that controls things may be difficult to get.
These human idols are humans themselves, with sins and indiscretions, merits and whatever they have incurred for themselves. Regardless of how many times they have read the Holy Scripture, went to Hajj, HOW DO I KNOW THAT THEY ARE ON THE GUIDED PATH?? Is reading the Quran from top to cover and going to Hajj criteria for being consulted over the affairs of God???
To God belongs all things and To God belongs the right to guide.
In some ways we humans I feel want to have a manifestation/physical proof of Gods presence and that without it we cannot function or rationalize God. We want to humanify the qualities of God before we can understand God, before we can relate to God or believe in God.
But God is supreme and any attempts to humanify can only lead us to error and sin! Nest pas? Humanification has nowt to do with God and His Magnificence.
Honestly at times I think I am going mad!! For all I know I could be in the loosing end, God forbid and if I am God help me and direct me to his path and guidance.
It has come to my attention that there are different versions of the Quran, just as there are versions of the Bible. Different by means of choice of words the translators choose to use to describe a certain event. You have the Yusuf Ali, the progressive Muslims, Sher Ali, Pickthall and Khalifa translations. Why is this I beg to know? The underlying message may be the same, but the choice of words is different.
This difference in words I feel lays importance in the meaning/logic/application of the verses. It may determine if one is to grasp easily by means of easy words or one is to ponder and try to find meaning for harder words. But then again, it is only the Almighty who guides and directs one towards the true meaning. May God bless us with understanding and inspiration of his message in order to draw us nearer to him.
In surah 16:27, I for one feel that where it says idols or partners ascribed to God ( Khalifas' translation) I thinks it does not mean idols in the sense of crafted images of deity that some people choose to worship, I think it means idols/partners in the sense of looking at humans as source of guidance instead of God. i.e. prophets/saints/pope/Imams/ who people tend to ask for help and hang to their every word.
I am quite sure we all have at some time fallen to the guise that we pray through a prophet /saint to allow our prayers to reach God. However my finding is that the Quran says that when you pray, prayer is to be directed to God alone.
Idolizing any human being/messenger/saint or otherwise I feel is wrong. We should only idolize God, as God is the Ultimate Ruler.
Besides, These Prophets/saints don’t know us. They have never met me neither have I ever met them. They cant hear me can they? They are dead. Their souls have gone to wherever their souls have gone to. So how does me praying through then benefit me? How can one who has no knowledge of you intercede for you? They do not know your character, they do not know your background. Unless you want to ascribe to them qualities that are not theirs and say that they know you and they know your situation????
Only God Almighty is aware of everything and everyone. No one else.
The Quran says (from my understanding) that the only time they will be able to respond to us is on the DOJ, but by then all will have been revealed - Truth established.
It is God who has knowledge of you and knows your heart. Moreover it is God who decides and judges.
I can see where I am coming from but can you…………
From my own background, Idols such as Imams/Alfas’ who people think have all the answers and guidance……. Go figure!!
The concept that God is infinite and grasping that God is the only one that controls things may be difficult to get.
These human idols are humans themselves, with sins and indiscretions, merits and whatever they have incurred for themselves. Regardless of how many times they have read the Holy Scripture, went to Hajj, HOW DO I KNOW THAT THEY ARE ON THE GUIDED PATH?? Is reading the Quran from top to cover and going to Hajj criteria for being consulted over the affairs of God???
To God belongs all things and To God belongs the right to guide.
In some ways we humans I feel want to have a manifestation/physical proof of Gods presence and that without it we cannot function or rationalize God. We want to humanify the qualities of God before we can understand God, before we can relate to God or believe in God.
But God is supreme and any attempts to humanify can only lead us to error and sin! Nest pas? Humanification has nowt to do with God and His Magnificence.
Honestly at times I think I am going mad!! For all I know I could be in the loosing end, God forbid and if I am God help me and direct me to his path and guidance.
the soul and my concept of understanding it
Conformity ( if there is such a word) is what mainstream religion is all about.It is no longer individual choice nor individual thought/action but collective choice and action.This bothers me because, as i know it, each man/person is responsible for his OWN actions and sins,( whether someone introduces the idea of sin into your head/mind/thought is irrelevant. The fact that you decide to go along with it .. is)so if we are individually responsible for our own actions, why then does mainstream religion ask for conformity??I feel that on some level comformity weilds control and power. Power over anothers thoughts and action. Why people would once that .... go figure!!On so many levels I feel that it is clear on what should be or not be done to advance our souls.The thought that someone else should interprete for me ( on one hand being a noble task to do... on another hand being ..- what is wrong with me that i cant seek to find out for myself-) what i should do or dont do is foreign.
On a lot of scales ( usually mine) i feel interpretation of messages from one language to another leads to loss of message, loss of intent and loss of meaning. Sort of like chinese whispers- The end statement bears no semblance to the first message.What i have come to now think is that interpretation and understanding of any message relies largly on the person first by way of how they are ging to process the information and secondly on their personal circumstances. Circumstances like growing up factors, good or bad experiences, life factors etc which all can affect how one person relates to and links with a message.
All these things are intrinsic to the individual upbringing,.
So for one person to tell me they have mastered religion and that they are the fore front in trying to understand religious messages, then i think not. for the reasons i have mentioned earlier.
The moral of the message guys and dolls!! is not to rely on someone else to tell you what to do regarding religion or any other thing for that matter. but to research various fields,to try to undertsand and to come to a conclusion for yourself on what is right or wrong.
For those of you muslims there see Surah 40:28-29. I read this part and i thought pharoah was trying to act as a source of guidance to his people similar to the way we see all these muslim scholars/teachers all trying to act as a source of guidance for people. Trying to stamp their authority and knowledge on us and not giving room for questions or expansions on their theories.
Anyways, God is the only source of guidance and you can only accept Gods words as bond. anything else is subject to human falseness and braggadociosness.
We should compete in righteousness. which is a good trait to have. Discuss amongst each other on what you feel, open up our minds to maybe other explanations and then decide by ourselves for ourselves what we intend to do. At the end of the day its your soul that is at stake, not your friends soul, nor your fathers soul, not your spouses' soul. but your soul that is at stake.
On a lot of scales ( usually mine) i feel interpretation of messages from one language to another leads to loss of message, loss of intent and loss of meaning. Sort of like chinese whispers- The end statement bears no semblance to the first message.What i have come to now think is that interpretation and understanding of any message relies largly on the person first by way of how they are ging to process the information and secondly on their personal circumstances. Circumstances like growing up factors, good or bad experiences, life factors etc which all can affect how one person relates to and links with a message.
All these things are intrinsic to the individual upbringing,.
So for one person to tell me they have mastered religion and that they are the fore front in trying to understand religious messages, then i think not. for the reasons i have mentioned earlier.
The moral of the message guys and dolls!! is not to rely on someone else to tell you what to do regarding religion or any other thing for that matter. but to research various fields,to try to undertsand and to come to a conclusion for yourself on what is right or wrong.
For those of you muslims there see Surah 40:28-29. I read this part and i thought pharoah was trying to act as a source of guidance to his people similar to the way we see all these muslim scholars/teachers all trying to act as a source of guidance for people. Trying to stamp their authority and knowledge on us and not giving room for questions or expansions on their theories.
Anyways, God is the only source of guidance and you can only accept Gods words as bond. anything else is subject to human falseness and braggadociosness.
We should compete in righteousness. which is a good trait to have. Discuss amongst each other on what you feel, open up our minds to maybe other explanations and then decide by ourselves for ourselves what we intend to do. At the end of the day its your soul that is at stake, not your friends soul, nor your fathers soul, not your spouses' soul. but your soul that is at stake.
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