she who is called her

today my lord I confess that my heart and the thoughts that flooded my mind were unbecoming of me and how I want to be. there is no excuse and I accept that. I say I dont understand your world lord and the rules and parties you put in place that affects our path. I don't understand my parents and their actions and how it is that I should accept what I would call their baggage especially when it goes against my feelings.. it is a tempestuous relationship with her..and I look to you o lord to guide me and help me with this test..right from a young age she has cursed me kept cursing me out of anger, out of fraustration that I wont do what she wants me to do..all about side with her against my father.. support her without question.. and I dont want to get involved in their affairs.. I just want to have a happy life.. that is not too much to ask.. that for me is better but I feel all she knows is hate and how to hate and I dont want to hate.. its not about how I feel my head is messed up by all I saw growing  up and what she made me do.. its not about the killing beatings and the abuse she subjected me to and it can only be called abuse..its not about the psychological games she plays making me feel inadequate.. its not about how in her need for control she humiliates me whenever I have friends.. its not about how she does not want me to have any friends and whenever I do she disaproves finds something to say about them to sow a seed in my mind.. its not about how how I didnt feel I have any guidance when I was growing up...it is about how do I pass this test called her.. how do I rise above and remember thee God first before descending to a part of me that just wants to spew hate back at her..I look at my childhood and the wrong turns I took, the things I was forced to do, the parents I  had but did not have and I feel sad.. its life I tell myself.. everyone's story is what makes it colourful... God please create a house for me
for my children here and with thee in paradise

All glory belongs with God

my Lord your name be praised and exalted always in my life, always..just because you are my Lord
.

low again

to God belongs all glory and praise.. how do I begin to describe the low mood I am feeling? it is like an unmeasurable sadness that weighs on my mind. it feels like the weight of the world is on my head..I just want to cry at times and in other times I want to curl and hide away almost like ceasing to exist..I dont know why but it catches me unawares.. like today again.. I think I got some news or impending news at work and I just drowned again.. but to thee O Lord I find my strenght as I ask thee for help to lift me above these sinking feelings..Great O Lord is thy power and Great is thy dominion over all things

low

the darkness that unfolds me.. I don't know how to explain.. but I seek refuge in my Lord to protect me as it goes away..keep me and mine safe dear Lord..protect us from evil that we see and that which we dont..

Low mood

There are days when my spirit is low that I dont know what to do.. I feel down almost at deaths door.. that is how I can describe it..I just feel fed up. And all "lifed" out.. in these circumstances I have nowhere to turn but to thee my lord and ask you to keep me firm and lift me up.. lift me high above all these feelings..anyways inspite and despite whatever I feel let my lips go: be thou glorified my lord..and let my heart affirm this phrase

Praise

Allahu anta arahman.
AA'limu-l-Ghaybi wa shahaadati Kabiru-l-Mutaa'li.
My God you are the Most Gracious. Knower of all secret and declaration; The Supreme; The Most High.

This is my praise for Thee todayy Lotd

Help me lord

Dear God. I am failing as a person.. help me please.. my darkness is threatening to overwhelm me.. help me please. Whichever whatever however never let me go away from thee.. keep me near.. keep me praising thee always

Darkness

Darkness spreads its clutches over me lord.. please help me lift the clouds away to see through. .help me pass over please

Thanks yet again

For everything and all things and for that one thing.. thank you most gracious lord.. for my friend and his leave to remain and for my friend in anticipation of hers.. thank you.. for today for yesterday for tomorrow and for always thank you.. for everything every small thing.. every big thing. Thank you..you are a providing lord.. thank you.. may Your Grace be upon me always in this life and the hereafter..

4:110 forgiveness

Wa man ya'mal suua'n aw yadzlim nafsahu, thuma yastaghfiri llaha yajida llaha ghafuuram rahiiman.

Anyone who commits evil or wrongs his soul then implores God forgiveness will find God forgiving merciful..

I can think the number of times I have read this surah and some verses wash over me
. In this instance this verse sticks out at me.. giving me hope and a light.. that I will implore on my lord to save me to redeem me and to accept me..
The hurt I carry makes me think unbefitting thoughts it makes me sin before my creator. . But I look to my lord as always to guide me to help me. .

This verse gives me hope that inspite and despite God is welcoming and is a sanctuary... even the most hardened heart melts in reverence to the grace of the lord...

Blessed is thy great name o Lord and blesses art Thou in all the universe

Help

My lord.. my life is in your hands.. you are my only Lord my God.. help me please and save me..I am in your hands..guide me please and save me

Praise

Llahul-ul mulku wa llahu-ul hamdu. Arrahman. Wahidul qahar..  this is my praise today oh lord.. God be king. And God be praised. The most gracious..the one and  only.. I am not sure this is a direct translation  but you get my gist..

thanks great lord

blessed be thy name o lord and may i never forget thee.
 i am grateful that through all my craziness and happiness that you are there for me to speak to.
 i thank you for the past 365 days for all and more and i thank you in advance for the next 365 days,
 i rely on thee more and more each passing day for everything and i thank you for your provision and help.
 may i never forget thee may i always remember to paise and thank thee.

Thank you lord

I am at your mercy lord. I need your healing touch.. for me for the children.. I feel rundown and my throat is throbbing. I need your help lord.. I come to you as my only lord and master.. as my King and creator I come to you to ask you to fix us and make us well again. Most gracious lord please help me.

Help lord

Dear lord.. there is a saying here.. it doesnt just rains -it pours... this is how I feel in relation to the ailment affecting the children... one upon another upon another... I have no resolve left... I need your grace lord upon ma children... please help me. I know its not rational but I feel responsible sible when they fall ill .. its like I am not taking care of them... cold upon  cold upon cold upon cold... and now eye infection... my resolve is just about broken... I need healing please lord fast