Office mug

 a team is only as effective when all members are working  and giving their utmost to  achieve one main objective.

 right now i am not in a team.
 i am in a shaft me situation.

 this is where members of this so called team have no respect for the  team and do what they like with the perceived notion that some mug will do their work for them.

 -   the only exception in this team is my lady who has a handle on her work and does  overtime too and partakes in chat sometimes but she has her shit  on lockdown..
 - everyone else then there is something wrong somewhere... my lady is  relatively new but she does do her work.. so how is she or I different to anyone else in the group..
-
 - this team has no appreciation  the word work.  you come in to work with a i dont give a shit  about what i am doing and i will do whatever i like. there is no plan or forward thinking in terms of what you want to achieve by the end of the day -with the exception of chatting.. or creating more work for yourselves. Chatting about on average 20 mins a pop.. on matters not work related.. it will be  interesting to  find out what is on their lync and their internet history. the time it takes you to chittychat use that time effectively and do some damn work. clear some fluffy post.. attend to some emails.. pay some claimants  and or even answer your suppliers so their work can move too. clear your inactives,  close your cru, i can think of fluffy things to do in the time it takes to chat.. at least that will make a dig in the perceived mountain that you have..
 - you leave on holiday and you leave a mess of a garbage for people and expect that when you are back your work will miraculously disappear.. is there a "clear work fairy" there to do the work for you?.. everyone is stretched.. you cannot not help yourself then expect others to help you?
you leave without a backward glance to what you have left; any urgents are kept hushhush.. no leaving instructions note, no message to state what is urgent or not... you just leave.. no can you help me keep an eye on this one.. you have mountains of emails and you just leave them..no attempt to clear them away..

 - you close post and emails or possibly just dont bother answering them.. is there a magic genie that  will sort that work out for you.
-you pretend to work but are you working.. what the heck are you doing - constantly i am asking myself.
 from over my desk i watch with amusement and try to figure out what it is we do when we come to work.. when there is work piling but we dont seem to make a dent in the work.

 our process is simple you get given claims  at the start of the week. on a  daily basis incoming post is not a lot, it really is not and emails are not that bad either.. so manage yourself so you  have one day for your new work and drive then  as further as you can snd the rest of the week is to chase up on work and or attend to post.. its not  that difficult . 4 days of doing this will defo make a difference..
  but those 4 days i dont know what is done  if people are crying they are  swamped with work all the time.

 by the law of odds we should have made a dent in the work.. so what  is it.. we dont work in hope that the work will be given to overtime so we can get paid more to  do that which we are perfectly capable of doing in normal time but we dont.
 we dont work in hope the clear work fairy will sort it out for us..

worse still, we do the work but make it seem like we have not done the work so it will be counted for overtime and we get paid more in overtime to  do the work that we have already done in work time but hahahahaha what the heck i dont know what is going on here,. See no evil hear no evil..

  and it is not an assumption it is a FACT..

 oh! and by the way fuck you all.. God forgive me but that is my feeling and i cant escape that. i dont claim to know more i dont claim to be better but i work fucking hard damn fucking hard on my work and others as well.. to get to where i am..  and if you think i am in a privileged position it is because  God helps me and  i work damn hard to be there. i come in with a* attidute and move work chase work and dont stop and move other people's work and chase it too  and i am not understating I WORK DAMN HARD...
 i am not sitting having idle chats with people. even when i am i am still working..( and by the way i dont have a lot of idle chats) chats are for a purpose....who has not noticed that even when they have a chat with me i am still doing my work - sending emails  reading correspondence..
when i get off my seat i go on a work related mater - hardly have i gone away from my seat just to sit and chat..
 i am working damn hard  inspite of being used and abused by the witch of eastwick before who felt entitled to think my job is to mop up shit that the work created... that is because once you unmask her bravado  she is like the rest of everyone - dont do any work in hope someone else will do it.. i swear i hate that woman. if i  she got hit by a bus i probably do a dance. that is the place she took me to.. constantly working me out even when i  said to her i said to her  about how i was feeling and about all the  things going on she brushed them aside and just kept doing what she was doing. then she set us on collision course with each other.. divide and conquer.. constantly ignored any suggestions I gave to make things better improve..

 i have capacity because i create capacity  not because i dont have nothing to do..

 i am not greedy...  i dont do overtime i don't have the time.. on top of my work i lock down 2 young kids, a husband and  a mother who are all demanding.. so when i am back its more work..   i cant sleep   or find time to myself to relax.. when i think i come home away from work.. my experiences at work  spoil my mood and everything.. so FUCK YALL peoples..   who will look out for my mother and kids if i die.. will it be you? will you pay their fees.. will you feed them.. so FUCKING FUCKYALL peeps. i am working hard to get increases in my wages so i can have something for me for them for future.. we are barely surving on what  we have at present.. and yet i some to work..

 i dont cheat my work i  come to work.. i TURN THE FUCKUP.. i am not the one calling in sick after boozing the weekend before. i am not the one calling in sick so i can do a spot of home maintenance...when was the last time I called in sick..

 Missy yes you..  if you ever dig at me again i will probably come over and knock you one for six.. you better watch yourself all your sly digs,, even wednesday i am just watching with amusement... you take it upon yourself to be the mouthpiece of the disgruntled team.. no 1 face your  bloody work.. do some work,, less time on lync chatting rubbish.. less time leaving your seat to chat 1% work and 5% idle chat..and more focus on your work.. and do work.. and yes it seems you do some work but  you can do more in the time that you are there not  waiting for overtime handouts. You won't do people's work  in your time unless it is to advance your esteem in someone's eyes mostly you will take it on in overtime that is only when you are willing to do it. I have seen the posts.. you close with no action taken on medicals that need attention or correspondence  that needs replied to..your stupidity doesn't escape my attention but gw you will drown in your own shit and I will just keep watching you..

  the overtime many of you have dipped  into has helped pay for houses holidays wedding  etc why not give something back to the company and come in and actually drive the work forward and show work can be done... in hours..

 mr i  am there but i am not really there.. i dont know what the fuck it is you do.. lord help me but that is not my headache. the team try to catch your work..  but you are a fully fledged member of this team and i have said i am not doing that. i am no covering your mistakes because it is not just one mistake and there are grave  mistakes not fly in the wall things you let go.. it is a case of you cannot be bothered but are there for the money..  till you find your dream job and poof!! you are gone.
your biding time is not helping us.. if you are there add your two pence. you reaped in overtime paying for your house so please give something back.

 mrs high and mighty - your magic is LEGENDARY  and by magic i mean disappearing work.. but  your persona does not make it seem like anyone can call you out for it so they speak in hush hush about it behind your back..and i have it on good autority because i had about 2 month dealing with your work.. so i know you avoid, ignore correspondence..

 mrs brown  i seeeeeeeee you a mile off. i seeeeeeeee you whichever angle you are coming from so before you land i know your agenda so stop it.. your sly racists digs i let them fly off, your sly digs  about me i let fly off.. i have respect for the one we know  not to  make another hole in your nose for you..  but my patience is not forever..

 me i dont have time for fakery.. if there is work to be done lets do the work. but i will be damned to be working hard and then you want to use me as a mop on top of that..

 where  the fuck do you feel entitled to say that because i have capacity i should dig  in your work.. its your work,., you created the mess then sort it.. you are being greedy taking overtime despite being over
... so handle that shit yourself. Your work is behind yet you put in for some more work..go figure that one out.. i dont have any less work than you do.. we get given the same amount of work and i get extra portions from all directions..I don't complain much i just try and do what i can..  even before we were given work and had to take work i still did more than my fair share and i also did others work too.. i have worked on everyones work till i put a stop to being taken advantage of because it seems we are all tooooooo comfy on not helping ourselves but others helping us.. when will we learn to be better...when will we learn to be better.. and I am not saying I am better I am talking about improving work. .

If you want help ask for it and if I can I will but you shit on me and then expect me.to.say thanks  and allow you pee on me.. what kind.of rubbish is that???

You are complaining you went on holiday and came back to loads.. you went without a backward glance.. left a shit load of emails and work outstanding..what did you think was gonna happen. You knew you were going away why didn't you help yourself and help the team and manage the work.... nooooo your midget brain would not consider that.. God forgive me I can't find the right word here..but you were in such a deficit you didn't think twice adding 13 hrs of overtime despite crying you have outstanding work.. if you wanna lie to someone lie to yourself don't lie to me cos I ain't got time for that crap.. yes it's hard work but we make it hard on ourselves. . We create our waste work and drive failure into our systems..

 the old witch has made you think i am a mop because she enabled you to be  the way you are rather than develop you to be better..

 no! truth be told there were some ideas given.... the phone is there use it.. stop sending letters and emails - pick a phone and make a call. you get things done better..

  mrs i cant do my work so i will use and claim other peoples work as my own.... because you had the manager than enabled you.. whatever you have on her that is btw both of you. mrs protected species.. she who cannot be given work.. i find it amusing really

 i am not  the team mop.. i have respect for my work.. it may not be right  i may  not be better i may not have common sense but i sure as hell work... my background is different from YALL and what i have gone thru most of you won't wish upon yourselves... i work for my money and make sure i deserve every  miserly piece of money that is paid to me.. do i think i am worth more.. SURE AS.. i know i am worth more the amount of things i do on a daily basis..yes i feel i am taken for granted  and yes inwork is better than no work..   and i work hard working hard in hope that someone will see and go.. YAAAS give her more because she has done her share and half of others share as well.

 when our leaders dont have a clue and do whatever they like.. who can we look up to..
 i am inspired to be with a leader that is technically minded and what i have learned  and been put forward for is fantastic but my team experience is marring it  and not making it enjoyable. i have someone who is interested in my development.
to actually find someone who challenges your technical ability is inspiring in its own compared to the last witch who could not give a shit and i mean could not care and that experience  has left a bitter taste in my mouth about this job. her sly racist digs i left alone because sometimes you let things fly.. but  for someone to feel that because of my color i should do more than others and am and should not be treated as the others..FUCK YOU..

 i do my job as best as i can and i do others as well..  i dont sit bragging or waiting for someone to.notice before I do it..i just get it done, i dont leave my work for others to do - unless i am not there to do it.. it is not in me to add to peoples woes so i take care of my shit and i make sure shit is taken care of.

 so i do it differently i take a log of the work i do for others.. i hate doing it because that time can be used to do something but to be made to feel that i  have to justify my time at work is demoralizing.. i have to justify the work that i do..
 if anything come and sit with me learn what ever you can   - if there is something to learn and teach me how to be better..

 Mr lord, i am sorry for my language and i am sorry for my outburst so i apologise but this is how i feel and however way i dress it up the feeling will not go away.

 sometime you just have to  do the poo and away with it..

 here i am waking up at 3 and i cant sleep and i hope penning this down i am able to sleep at the very least..
God help me find something better because this work is fraustratingmy life. help me find somewhere better where i can flourish and be away from people who want to use me and use me and use me and use me and use me and dont give a damn about me they dont care about me.

 worse case i will jump off the bannister and kill myself right in front of everyone because that thought is never far from my head.. i feel sooo overworked. i am sleeping and dreaming claims.. i am waking up with claims and work on my mind..  that i cant sleep.. the atmosphere is not making me happy.. i am feeling used.. i dont understand why people dont want to do their work.. i dont know how to manage but i am  managing gw i will manage and if i dont Lord forgive me for whatever actions that i may take because sometimes i cant see  your light..

i seek refuge

i seek refuge with the most gracious, in whose hands is all kingship.
 i seek refuge with my lord to help me keep these demons at bay.
 i am descending yet again and my mind is wavering.
 but i seek strenght from my Lord to keep me afloat

Nigba ti mo ro, ise iyanu re laiya me..

 nigba ti mo ro ise iyanu re laiye me, mo ri pe O ga mo ri pe oga  mo ripe oga baba
ni gba ti mo ro ise iyanu re  lori mi mo ri pe oga  mo ro pe oga mo ri pe oga pupo o.
Blessed is the name of God - the most gracious Lord.

For all praise is yours 
All authority and Kingship 
in this life and the hereafter
Be thou glorified my Lord.



Oluwa E tobi, E tobi o, E tobi (2x)
Ko si eni t’a le fi sakawe re o
E tobi o E tobi
Ko si eni t’a le fi sakawe re o
Etobi O

 this is one of my  go to  songs for inspiration and praise.

 its by this singer called tope alabi.
 i like it because it is simple.

 i am not a fan of all her music but there are some that reach out to me.

Dear lord

11:45 and 11:47

Rabbi innabnii min ahlii wa inna  waa'daka-l-haqqu. Wa anta ahkamu-l-hakimiin.

My Lord, my son is a member of my family and your promise is the truth
You are the wisest of all.

Yesterday lord i was dejected at the troubles of my boy and is issues with bedwetting.
I dont know what to do. For a moment i thought he had got it but then he regressed back

But i place my faith and trust in thee oh lord that you will teach him and inspire him for me. I have h as a result of your blessing and grace and by thy grace he will grow up to worship and serve thee with truth

Rabbi inni auu'dzu bika an asa'laka maa laysalii bihi i'lmun. Wa illa tahgfirli wa tarhamni a kun minna-l-khasirin.

My lord i seek refuge in you lest i implorw you again for something i dont know. Unless you forgive me and have mercy on me i will be with the losers.

the rock

Where do I go when there's nobody else to turn to?
Who do I talk to when nobody wants to listen?
Who do I lean on when there's no foundation stable?

I go to the rock
I know he's able
I go to the rock

I go to the rock for my salvation
I go to the stone that the builders rejected
I run to the mountain and the mountain stands by me

When the Earth all around me is sinking sand
On God, the solid rock I stand
When I need a shelter, when I need a friend
I go to the rock

Where do I go, where do I go
When the storms of life are threatening?
Who do I turn to when those winds of sorrow blow?
And is there a refuge in the time of tribulation?

I go to the rock
I know He's able
I go to the rock

I love this song.. one of the ones that inspires me towards my Lord.. i really love this song as it is uplifting.

the most gracious is my Lord , the most Gracious is my rock.

  who else can provide and sustain beter than the one who created you and has all control..

Morning prose..

Wa ina yamsaska llahu bidhurin fala kashifa lahu ila huwa. If God touches you with a hardship none can relieve it except He.

Wa in yuridka bikhayrin fala raada lifadhlihi. When He blesses you. No force can prevent his grace.

Yuswibu bihi man yashau min i'badihi. He bestows it upon whom he choses from his servants.

Wa huwa ghafuru rahim. He is the forgiver Most Merciful.

This morning and henceforth, Lord help me and bless me and obliterate all obstacles to me. Dismiss it in all its entirety and help me succeed against all my oppressors and detractors. Help me to worship you better to pray better to give better and remember you more and better. Inspite and despite my shortcomings. 
Blessed be thy name oh lord in all tje heavens and earth as thou has all control and kingship.

workplace issues

Dear Lord,

 Here I come today which is the last day  of the 9^th month of this year.

 Today the same feels rushing to me again with work.

 Today  I was off yesterday and I took a last minute decision to be off as I was feeling stressed and i recognised I needed to get away from work so I took a day off and ever apprehensive as I was I  managed to organise myself so that  I would not come back to much.

 I got there to find a lot of emails waiting for me and by a lot I mean LOTS -  about 30 emails and further correspondence in my working WIP  - and I was flustered at what I would have to have do also because I had left  some unfinished business emails  the day before that required my responses also

 So I saw this lady walking about asking the others if they had access to this other ladys emails. And everyone were saying no and she stood across and I as ever being oblivious to anyones elses actions just minding what I had to do with myself – I heard she mentioned my name which irked my ears and I saw she had mentioned  she was not sure if  I had access to this other girls emails -  she did not ask me an outright question  - I didn’t let that bother me much because this lady I believe already  has an issue with me so  I just let fly her  weird attitude with me  – and I nodded past what I was doing that I had access  - wherein she said should I scan the ladys emails  since I was the only one with access to it.

 I replied I have just come back from being off and I have loads on my plate and I will do it if I have time after I have sorted out my plan for the day.

She then began to say something  at which point I just tuned off and I wasn’t interested  because she was muttering something  because  I felt that I had nto agreed with her.

The other older lady then mentioned I seemed to be in a good  place  than the rest of them so why should I not  do it – to which I mentioned the same thing I have tosort out my days work and I will look at it afterwards if I am chanced to do so -  and then she too took umbrage to what I had said – saying that I am in a good place with my work – and I have to work as a team – to which I point blank said to her – I do my work  then I do my teams work as well more than my fair share just because I keep quite and not glamatize it does not mean I am not helping  out. i mentioned if they didnt have access to this ladys emails then they should ask her - because this is not a  new thing despite being told what to do - to which she mentioned i didnt give anyone else access to my emails when i was away to which i stated categorically that is a lit - my manager had access and one other colleague had access to my emails - she said they had to get through it to gain access - that is a LIE - my namager had access to my emails and the lady i gave access to - i state that as a FACT - and any lie the  said manager promotes to the team is her business.

I had previously asked the older lady for assistance with an issue this morning when i came in to work -  I had kept over  work that I didn’t get to on Wednesday and she said to me she didn’t have time as she was finishing up on holiday that at any other time she would be ok but not today. Fair enough. the way she was was different when i had asked and when she gave her repsonse -  it was less than a 5 minute thing -  and on a side note i asked someone else and it was well less than 3 minutes what to do.

 That set me up on a chain of reactions today and I didnt like where my thoughts went.

Where was their concern on Monday when the lady did not show up for work

Where was their concern about this  ladys emails when did did not turn up for work tuesday

As a matter of fact where was their concern upper last week then the girl was not at work. and was away on holiday..

I did not see anyone concerned about anyone then – no one gave a shit –

 I am happy as long as my manager knows what I do when I do and how I do  - I don’t have to justify myself to   others in my team.
 i constantly assist and SMS for those that are not in work - scanning their emails and trying to pick up their urgents where i can..
 i cannot be reasonably expected to leave my own work and my own urgents and do others work - because that is just stupid -  but i assit where i can and i tend to do this everyday  or every other day

I had done for this lady and for everyone that was not there and as a matter of fact  the older ladys work too.

  I am in a good place because god entitles me to be in a good place because I come in to work to do my work. I don’t worry about anyone else and I focus on my work and drive it forward as best as I can be.

 Constantly I am bemused  and I dont let it affect me -  I see then at work doing  some work and not doing work – I don’t let it bother me I just do my work – whatever they want to do  is up to them – their idle time not doing work chatting about this or  another – I will lay you an example – one day within the last 2 months – this lad walked over to my side and spent 20 minutes taking about a house with this lady  and this is not the first occurance where in he would come over and spend up to 20 minutes at a time talking about things  -  now both these people have work outstanding – and it always bemuses me because I state if you actually sat and did some work in the time that you were there chatting you will move your work on. But it is not my place to say these things so good riddance.

There was one instance also when  a group of them had been there chatting for what was like about 30 mins  until another manager came to dispserse them -  it was justinteresting.

 Anyway I digress away from the main issue –

 I get the feeling they are upset that my work is always in a better state then theirs and as a result I am punished and or ostracised  from the main group and it does  not bother me I just come in and do whatever I can regardless of anything and or anyone.
 i am made to feel like there is something wrong with me because i move mywork  - what kind of a workplace is this - what kind of people are these..

 My lord it is not in me to think that I am better  than anyone else or anything else for that matter -  because I am not - but I try to do what I can at each time and do my best as I can organise myself in a way that is productive for me and I don’t keep my  stuff secret – I share and have shared my approach to what I do but my team are not bothered or minded.

 I am not a public speaker  but I give what I have as I know how –

Last years xmas – I made myself sick doing too much and carrying someones elses burden of work and I have vowed never to do that again –  some manythings came off the  back of that the feelings of being unappreciated taken for granted and some issues of race which I didn’t even know where toplace my thoughts or who to say or how to say how I was feeling – I felt used and abused that my health and wellbeing was not considered and my manager did nto give a shit –   that she sought to belittle me to undermine any issues that I had put forward that in the end I gave up. i was dreaming work - waking up froma dream about work and then not sleeping because i was thinking too much about work to do  - work that was nto even mine or placed in my care.. i was irritable i could not eat properly and  i just kep getting more landing on my  plate - not one member of this team offered to help and or assit -  -  then and now -

 and all of this came to because our manager is not in today which is a shame - becauee were she to be in they would not care..

 When the leaders you are meant to look up to dnt care where else have you to turn –  when your leaders make decisions without any thought or  forward planning when hope is there ??lord I say this loosely because we can only turn to you for help in any event -  btu in our world this is how it is

I don’t know how to place this game of work politics – I just know how to come to work and  do work – I am black I am female I am over 30 – I come to work and do my best as  can toiling toilling for this employer – trying to  work so I  can get pay rises and move up the ladder –  I don’t know where else to go – so lord I ask please give me a chance of another place where i will feel safe – where I will feel appreciated and my efforts appreciated – where my hard work and constant work is appreciated and renumerated

 So I now make this official lord – help me find a good exit a blessed exit away to something better  with more pay – let it be a seamless transition no lag in between – let me be happy with them/it and let them be happy with me.

 I don’t want to work in a place where my efforts are not appreciated where people feel they can use me like a slave – and that is the way it is I feel like a slave to work for others because they feel they are entitled for me to do their work whilst they do other things other than work and not work related,

thank you