weekend reflection

lolol
i just want to laugh my head off first.. lolololololololololololololololololololololololol

Most Gracious you know what this life is so interesting.. no matter the hard times when it seems bleak, there are often times of situations and embarassing issues that i just want to laugh my head off.

so yes, it actually happened... after i was worrying and thinking yes it will never happen, and when the day approached, slowly then i started getting panick attacks, i was thinking that shite!! i have no where to fo... where will i go, it was weird, trying to plan everything
then i was thinking where can i go, bearing in mind the prayers were so close together. it would mean going somewhere, then dashing back home and going out again...

lol

so let me reflect ...
firstly i lead a booring life.. that is well established.. and it is a shame.. but dont worry i like is just the way it is... as long as i am happy then all is well.
i was worried that i would want to go to so many places, i had already started asking peeps at work where one can go sight seeing... that in the end i didnt even go...

secondly, i should just learn to let go,... i know its hard letting someone take care of me, its because i feel indebted to people and i feel like i am not able to match or pay them back.. but i reckon its not about being indebted to people...its just nice to be nice and i should not monopolice being nice to people, i should allow people ot be nice to me.

thirdly, i talk tooo much and i talk too much gibberish,, i guess it nervousness but i should try to take control of me and my emotions
fourtly, fatima you need to control your crying at films cos its embarassing... and it makes you feel like you are a fool.... try to be firm and remove all emotions when you watch films..

some things i have to thank thee for,( i thank you for everything but some things mean more to me than others) the feeling of peace, the prayers, the comfortableness that i felt ( i dont know how to decribe this.. it is very rare that i am able to be myself - especially when i am in the midst of people ( i can only be my mad crazy self when i am by myself) .. , i did not pretend to be anyone else, and that meant a lot to me... i did not pretend to change the way i dress or the shoes i wore or how i looked like everyday, or change the way i spoke or how i spent my day i was just me, simple old crazy fatima)

howeve rlocal i am, which i know i am , i was that same local fatima..

some bits were funny, the eating pounded yam was funny, i reckon that was the only funny bit.. ....

some bits were nice, the walk in the park was nice, the talking was nice, the prayers were nice, the hand cream at the airport was nice, just that peaceful moment was nice...
all in all Mg, can i complain. heck No!!!! but rather i am grateful.
in all cirsumstances, funny happy, sad, crying, angry, thoughtful, i am grateful dear Lord...
so thanking you MG, thanking you dearly....