Thanks with afterthought..

With hindsight and forethought,
one has to be grateful.
For in reality, when i look back
I have due cause to be thankful
Looking at all trials, tests and tribulations
At all joys, successes and happiness
I have more than due cause to be thankful.
so all in all, My dear lord, I give thee all thanks and Praise.

On 05/06/09 i broke down yet again
Fear was lurking in the face of my reality
my Ego was growing in the face of uncertainty
My spirit was flagging amidst all around me..

But in times of fear, or in times of hunger
When my heart longs and when my soul yearns
I still try to hold on to thee my dear lord.

I am grateful for my dear friends...for their kind words of motivation
I am grateful for my dear sister, for keeping reaching out to me
I am grateful Lord for You.. For without you.. I wouldnt have known these dear people
Without you i wouldnt have come this far..
Without You, i wouldnt have survived

Duro Timi Oluwa.. Stay with me O lord

Duro timi Oluwa

Duro timi Oluwa

Omo kekere le mi Ti re La lagbara

Durotimi Oluwa..

Lord God take me by the hand
Lord, God show me where to go
O Lord, Let me not alone - lest i go astray

Be Thou my guardian and my guide and hear me when i call

let not my slippery footstep slide and hold me lest i fall

The world the flesh and satan dwell around the path i tread

Do thou O lord, keep watch within and save my soul from wrong

Still let me ever watch and pray and feel that i am frail

That is the trempter cross my way yet he may not prevail

Lord, thy Word abideth,and our footsteps guideth;
who its truth believeth light and joy receiveth.

When our foes are near us,then thy Word doth cheer us,
Word of consolation,message of salvation.

When the storms are o'er us,and dark clouds before us,
then its light directeth,and our way protecteth.

From me to Thee O Lord, This morning 06/06/09

Shine a light along my way that will lead me to your path

Shine a light for Me O Lord, lead me in Your path

Keep a firm hand on my heart and train it in Your ways

Keep a firm hold on my heart, guide it in Your path

For all Praise, Authority and Kingship is Yours -My Lord

In this life and in the hereafter

Be you Glorified Most Gracious Lord..

05/06/09

i broke down again on this day.. and as yet it still puzzles me...
why did i break down... i guess i had it coming.. the constant rejection letters, the uncertainty with work, the work load, the stagnation and dying emotion at work, the death inducing lack of motivation... everything just culminated in one night...
started on the Thursday night with my weekly rituals and just edged into the day..
i woke up groggy, not with the usual cheer and candour i usually reserve for Friday..
Friday being a day of assembly for me a day of congregation for praise and thanks to the almighty. i did not wear anything nice, just put on some wacky jeans and Hood top.. quite unusual for me on a Friday..
work was just a never endless charade of nodding that i understand even though i was thinking "i don't know jack-shit whist you guys are on about"..

you see for so long holding a facade down, it eventually tells on you..
i am tired, weak and emotionally spent...
i went for my Friday contact and it was during thins that it just hit me... i am tired.. Lord i am tired..
the stupid thing that i am trying to figure out is that if things went my way and i was indulged in every desire and whim and fantasy.. would i be this tired too? in all honesty i guess not..
but as i am now which i have ti admit is the best position for me.. i AM tired.. i have had enough of this life.. its heartaches,, its disappointments, its sufferings and longings.. for a fragile heart like mine and one quite vulnerable its too much for me to bear..
but all in all i cannae complain.. this is my lot in life to deal with and as best as i can i have to deal with it..
people usually take the easy way out and end their life.. but i am too chicken and I AM A FIGHTER..gw i will not let this get me down but i will strive to hold on to thee O lord and still hang in there..
hopefully by your grace you i Will attract your mercy and i will find ease for My heart..
patience is what i guess you are trying o teach me but the human being is impatient..
this is ever more so true for me adetutu..
i am impatient i want it now. this instant.. as i visualise it.. but i guess life aint like that..
my wantings pay no heed to tomorrows obstacles.. it does not consider foreseeable future nor plan that far ahead it only wants now..
God willing God willing..i keep telling myself..
But i am tired...
the only things that edges me on is that my works have nothing to show for itself other than my heart and as simple as that may be.. i have always run from it.. but i choose to run no more and i choose to confront.. God willing God willing i shall win this battle of mine..
This internal battle. God willing.. By my Lords leave, By the grace and authority of God my Lord, My God, My Creator....