No Love...

i just want you to love me.. to care for me..
i just want you to show me that you love me..
i need you to be intimate with me to share your love and feelings with me
I need you to want me, caress me, and love me
 for insecure as i confess to be  - I need this affirmation to bond me to you
 what is a bond without affection, what is a life without love
What is love without intimacy...What is intimacy without showing it

What is love... that is the Question of the day

Fear of Falling......Failing

Someone once asked me what did i want to do with my life.. and my answer without much thought was " to worship God".
Uncanny as it seems, i have no great desire for anything in life.
My view at present is that i am not ambitious enough to  motivate me into any profession, I have no great love for riches other than to be comfortable -
 just want to be.. me.. just worship God with the grand aim for peace and paradise and joy in the  hereafter.

it is not a crime to want simplicity in life,  not to want to be burdened by chaos  that is life, job, family, money etc..

 i do know through experience that ambitiousness causes me to be egoistic with despotic tendencies, i know that too much money brings on arrogance and pride...

 contentment is the order of the day.. to be happy with/in what ever situation i find myself..
 but  with honesty in mind, i realise that i am not truly content in life.. for i fear i suffer from " i want what they have" syndrome.
this makes me crave things that ordinarily i may not want but for fear of being left behind in the "great movement of human race" i will pursue

Through this plague of a disease.. i come to slowly understand myself.. my capabilities.. my own desires...

I want to be in a place where there is no fear of worship.. where i can sing and dance my bubbly behind, where i can be eloquent with praises to my creator.

i want to be in a place where there is security and peace

I want to be with someone who will love me and share with me life, love, praise  for God and worship

I fear though that i may not achieve all this..

I fear that i will fail in this  regard..

 i remember when i was younger about 20 yrs ago, i always told God in my heart, whatever i do in this life.. bad or good that He will grant me paradise..i always maintained that in my mind.. going through life never caring, never committing myself to Him.. until i was about 20yrs after much thought on this issue.. i then said to God  that i wanted to know i deserved a place with Him so i then said that an easy ticket is too easy for me, i needed to deserve a place in paradise.. so i gave up my ticket and i said to God, i want to deserve   my place.. i want to do the deeds that earn me a place, i want to give the praise that will earn me my place..

 i dont know if this was foolish.. to give up the easy route for something much more harder.

I feel like life is getting in the way of my worship..
I feel like i am letting life get in the way of my worship
I feel like i am failing myself letting life get in the way of my worship

i need thee o Lord to guide me through.. for life is filled with temptations that may take me from thee. Steel my heart, and lead me back to thee. without any fear or favour  - to be able to say that I am from thee, I am of thee, to serve thee, to praise thee... all of my life dedicated to thee

Musings of a lonely heart

There is no right... no left.. no center... There is just God.

God knows our path.. He alone knows the route to our success..

In my view the true test of faith is to say.. to blazes with the world and everything/everyone in it.. I put my trust in God alone..

how many of us can say that with  true convictions?

 the world is attractive, very enticing...we rush around distracted by money, by power, by friendship.... however in the end of things.. it is not important at all...

 i am not saying live like a hermit.. far from it.. what we have  in this world.. that God has enabled us to achieve  we should enjoy...the enjoyment of it all should endear us more to God.. but often than not we find that the enjoyment and the pursuit of life takes us away from the path of faith.. the path of God..

 its a fine balance to strike.. enjoy life and be faithful to God.. but dont get trapped by life... remaining devoted to God..